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desperation I bought her a headset so I could study in peace or simply savor the silence.

But the flickering box had a hypnotic effect. Often my eyes would be drawn to the small silent screen.

Because I couldn't hear the sound, I became acutely aware of how people have a different manner of gesturing, of walking. I even detected differences in how they sat down.

For instance, an actress playing the part of a well-bred or wealthy woman would first bend her knees, gracefully lower her body onto the edge of the chair, and then smoothly slide back. Whereas

a Beverly Hillbilly would make a fanny dive, plopping down in the middle of the sofa.

For some people, classis engraved on their Lovemap.

We will not address the issue of right or wrong here, nor will we delve into a discussion of how, hopefully, times are changing. The Bible says "love thy neighbor," and many people will obey, as long as their "neighbor" is from the right side of the tracks.

For others, the wrong side of the tracks is the right side. They have no desire to marry up and are much more comfortable with people from their own background. Such folks are the wise ones. Studies show that marriages between people

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from similar backgrounds last longer and are happier than cross-caste liaison3s2.

Right after college, I decided to give myself a paid vacation and see the world. I took a job as a flight attendant with an international airline. Passengers called sutsewardesses in those days. Worse, some fresh men called usstews , and we retaliated by tagging themstew-bums . My best girlfriend was another Pan Am stewardess, a spunky and attractive girl named Sandra. Together, we discovered that there were a lot of stewbums who weren't bums at all.

We especially liked working the first-class cabin because, on long international flights, it was very relaxed. Often, perched on their armrests or standing in the galley, Sandra and I would enjoy chatting with our passengers. On one flight, two very elegant single gentlemen were traveling first class to Paris. They asked if we were free to join them that evening for dinner at a top Parisian restaurant.

"We'd love to!" I said. But Sandra hesitated. She ran back into the lavatory and motioned me to follow. "Sandy, why?" I asked her, closing the door of the john behind us. "They seem very nice." "Well,"

she explained, "I'm just not comfortable aroundthosetype of people." "What, men?" I asked.

"No. You know," she said. "So, uh, high-class."

Sandra explained that she was comfortable chatting with them as long as she was on the plane because she knew her place, but being with them in a fancy restaurant would intimidate her.

I was dumbfounded. I hadn't been weaned on caviar and champagne, but I had assumed that everybody would at least like to try it. Wrong! Many people only feel comfortable in relationships with people from their own background.

Incidentally, here's the ending to the Sandra story. A few months after turning down the "high-class" dates, Sandra resigned from Pan Am to marry a short-order cook from Queens, New York.

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And the last time I spoke with her, she was very, very happy.

TECHNIQUE #26:

COPY THEIR CLASS ACT

Hunters and Huntresses pursuing pedigreed prey should move differently from those stalking a wild cat. The polo-and-port set has a very different body language from the bowling-and-beer crowd.

Watch how he walks, how she sits down, how he gestures, how she holds her cup. Thenmove like the class of your Quarry.

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The Three Crucial Conscious Similarities Page 105

After you've built a sound base of subconscious similarity with your Quarry, it's time to show your affinity in three critical ways. The following similarities, or lack of them, will show up at various stages of your relationship.

Number one is conspicuous, unmistakable, and easy to create. It is whatinterests the two of you have .

What kinds of hobbies, sports, and activities do you both enjoy? What kinds of music do you like, what films do you enjoy, and what books do you read?

Number two becomes evident to your Quarry gradually. It is yourbasic values, beliefs, reactions, andwaysoflookingattheworld .Thisoneisextremelydee p.Extremelyimportant.

Number three is subtle and elusive. It can take years to unfold, often becoming clear only after it's too late.

It is also the one that is most insidious and gives couples the biggest problems in the long run. This final similarity is deeply buried, often carefully camouflaged, and seldom voluntarily revealed. To excavate it, you must sharpen your pickax and dig way down. It is thetacit assumptions of what a relationship should or should not he .

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Let us explore each type of similarity. Then I'll give you techniques to make your new sense that PLP

you are soul mates in all three categories.

Similarity Number One: "Do We Like to Do Things Together?"

Huntresses, beware: this one's more important to men than you think.

We'll dive headfirst into the cavernous gender gap to explore it more fully later, but for now, let us look at a trite but true fact: Women deepen relationships by talking together. Men bond by doing things together.

A woman longs for a man who understands her, whom she can talk to. She likes to feel that, when the going gets tough, there will be a big shoulder to cry on, a strong arm to comfort her, and, above all, a sympathetic ear to listen to her. Good verbal communication is important to a man, too, but it's higher on the female wish list.

A man wants a woman who enjoys the same activities, one he can have fun with. He likes to feel they can play tennis, go to concerts or basketball games or movies, or just sit at home and be side-by-side couch potatoes. Doing things together is important to a woman, too, but it's higher on the male wish list. Fortunately for Huntresses, it's easy to show a man this first kind of similarity. You can make him think that you enjoy his interests very early in a relationship, often in the first conversation.

My friend

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