The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance - Giulia Lagomarsino (best book club books of all time TXT) 📗

iron skillet tossed at your head. For some strange reason, sex is never the answer to solving problems with women.

On to fragile like a bomb. These are the women who will turn on you on a dime, and the real topic of this conversation. While the first type of woman is dangerous and could turn on you, it is guaranteed that a fragile like a bomb woman will have weapons on her at all times, or will use sex to gain what she needs to take you down. Why, you ask? Because men think with their dicks and women know this.

The first thing you need to realize about this type of woman is that they will hide weapons in the most unlikely places. Even car seats aren’t out of the question. Just remember, if you taught her to use that weapon, she can and will use it against you in the future, so really think about whether or not you want to give her that power. Remember, a handgun doesn’t have to be fired to be a lethal weapon.

The second thing you need to know is that a woman doesn’t need a weapon at all to take you out. She will use any resource available, and all women have one thing in common: they have knees. They draw you in with their plump lips and come fuck me looks, and just when you’re about to ravage her, you get a knee to the balls. And the thing is, you can’t even cry when you feel like your body is shriveling up and about to die. That would make you look weak, and you can never look weak in front of your woman. She will use it against you every chance you get.

So, your question is, where do you look for these firearms or other deadly weapons, and how do you remove them from your life? The real answer to this question is to not supply them at all. However, if your woman insists on having a firearm, here are a few places to look out for these deadly weapons:

On her body. Never assume that a woman isn’t armed. They find the most unlikely places to store a gun on their person.

In her purse. Now, this one is obvious. Most women will carry a gun in their purse for the simple fact that it makes them feel safer.

On the back of the car seat. If you’re ever wondering where that gun came from, check in the diaper bag, the car seat, or any other baby paraphernalia.

In the suitcase. That’s right. You thought you were going on vacation, but that heavy suitcase that your wife packed? Yeah, that’s full of weapons.

Under the bed. Never ever assume that your woman isn’t hiding weapons under the bed. And if she is, you should be prepared for the fact that there may be a few grenades.

In general, if you’ve fucked up, or think there’s a chance you’ve fucked up, use those skills you learned in the military to really sniff out the danger. Think of her as a terrorist and find the best way to disarm her without killing her.

Answering the Unanswerable Questions

You Think You Know The Right Answer. Trust me, You Don’t.

There comes a time in every man’s life where he thinks he knows the right answer to a question, but realizes it’s futile to try and answer. See, the problem is, no matter what your answer is when asked the unanswerable question, there will be an all out war. Let’s give an example.

You get home from work and you’re in a pissy mood. It’s been a long day and you’ve been shot at one too many times today. Your feet are killing you, and you just want to sit back and relax with some Downton Abbey. Yeah, it’s a girly show, but you know you love it and use her as the excuse to get to watch it.

Anyway, you walk through the door and you see that the cabinet that the both of you agreed to put in the hallway is now in the kitchen. It pisses you off because you spent two fucking hours discussing where this damn cabinet was going to go. You built it and put the damn thing there just last night. But now the cabinet is sitting in the kitchen, and you’re wondering what the hell that two hour discussion was about last night.

And the whole fucking thing pisses you off because you could have been relaxing, watching Downton Abbey, but instead, you were trying not to shoot your brains out as your wife rattled off pros and cons of where to put it. So, you stare at the damn thing, and you try not to rip the damn thing apart just because you can.

Your wife walks into the kitchen and sweetly wraps her arms around you, holding you as if she hadn’t just thrown the whole fucking plan out the window. You tense up, and try not to explode. And then she says it. Those nine words that are worse than any kind of torture. You’d rather have pins shoved under your fingernails than hear those nine words.

“So, do you like where I put the cabinet?”

You take a deep breath and you try really fucking hard not to say what you really want to say. Which you know is, “If you were going to put the fucking cabinet wherever the fuck you wanted, why did we have to discuss it for two fucking hours last night?”

Of course, you can’t say that. Saying that is like asking to get fucked in the ass for an hour straight. It’s uncomfortable and a waste of time. So, instead, you put on your best fake smile and say, “Of course. I always like what you do.”

But…here’s the problem. Men are terrible at hiding their true emotions. It shows all over their faces, and it’s showing on yours right now. She takes a step back and her chin begins to