Hudibras - Samuel Butler (story reading txt) š
- Author: Samuel Butler
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Quoth he, It was thy cowardice
That made me from this leaguer rise:
And when Iād half reducād the place,
To quit it infamously base:
Was better coverād by the new-
Arrivād detachment than I knew;
To slight my new acquests, and run
Victoriously from battles won;
And reckāning all I gainād or lost,
To sell them cheaper than they cost;
To make me put myself to flight,
And conquāring run away by night;
To drag me out, which thā haughty foe
Durst never have presumād to do;
To mount me in the dark, by force,
Upon the bare ridge of my horse;
Exposād in querpo to their rage,
Without my arms and equipage;
Lest, if they venturād to pursue,
I might thā unequal fight renew;
And, to preserve thy outward man,
Assumād my place, and led the van.
All this quoth Ralph, I did, ātis true,
Not to preserve my self, but you;
You, who were damnād to baser drubs
Than wretches feel in powdāring tubs?
To mount two-wheelād caroches, worse
Than managing a wooden-horse;
Draggād out through straiter holes by thā ears,
Erasād or coupād for perjurers;
Who, though thā attempt had provād in vain,
Had had no reason to complain:
But since it prosperād, ātis unhandsome
To blame the hand that paid our ransom,
And rescuād your obnoxious bones
From unavoidable battoons.
The enemy was reinforcād,
And we disabled, and unhorsād,
Disarmād, unqualifyād for fight,
And no way left but hasty flight,
Which though as despārate in thā attempt,
Has givān you freedom to condemn āt.
But were our bones in fit condition
To reinforce the expedition,
āTis now unseasonable, and vain,
To think of falling on again.
No martial project to surprise
Can ever be attempted twice;
Nor can design serve afterwards,
As gamesters tear their losing-cards,
Beside our bangs of man and beast
Are fit for nothing now but rest,
And for a while will not be able
To rally and prove serviceable;
And therefore I, with reason, chose
This stratagem tā amuse our foes;
To make an honourable retreat,
And wave a total sure defeat:
For those that fly may fight again,
Which he can never do thatās slain.
Hence timely runningās no mean part
Of conduct in the martial art;
By which some glorious feats achieve,
As citizens by breaking thrive;
And cannons conquer armies, while
They seem to draw off and recoil;
Is held the gallantāst course, and bravest,
To great exploits, as well as safest;
That spares thā expense of time and pains,
And dangerous beating out of brains;
And in the end prevails as certain
As those that never trust to fortune;
But make their fear do execution
Beyond the stoutest resolution;
As earthquakes kill without a blow,
And, only trembling, overthrow.
If thā ancients crownād their bravest men,203
That only savād a citizen,
What victory could eāer be won,
If evāry one would save but one?
Or fight endangerād to be lost,
Where all resolve to save the most?
By this means when a battleās won,
The warās as far from being done;
For those that save themselves, and fly,
Go halves, at least, iā thā victory;
And sometimes, when the loss is small,
And danger great, they challenge all;
Print new additions to their feats,
And emendations in Gazettes;
And when, for furious haste to run,
They durst not stay to fire a gun,
Have done āt with bonfires, and at home
Made squibs and crackers overcome;
To set the rabble on a flame,
And keep their governors from blame;
Disperse the news the pulpit tells,
Confirmād with fire-works and with bells;
And though reducād to that extreme,
They have been forcād to sing Te Deum;
Yet, with religious blasphemy,
By flattering Heaven with a lie,
And for their beating giving thanks,
Thā have raisād recruits, and fillād their banks;
For those who run from thā enemy,
Engage them equally to fly;
And when the fight becomes a chase,
Those win the day that win the race;
And that which would not pass in fights,
Has done the feat with easy flights;
Recoverād many a despārate campaign
With Bordeaux, Burgundy, and Champaign;
Restorād the fainting high and mighty
With brandy-wine and aqua-vitae;
And made āem stoutly overcome
With bachrach, hoccamore, and mum;
Whom thā uncontrollād decrees of fate
To victory necessitate;
With which, although they run or burn,
They unavoidably return:
Or else their sultan populaces
Still strangle all their routed Bassas.204
Quoth Hudibras, I understand
What fights thou meanāst at sea and land,
And who those were that run away,
And yet gave out thā had won the day;
Although the rabble sousād them for āt,
Oāer head and ears in mud and dirt.
āTis true, our modern way of war
Is grown more politic by far,
But not so resolute and bold,
Nor tyād to honour, as the old.
For now they laugh at giving battle,
Unless it be to herds of cattle;
Or fighting convoys of provision,
The whole design oā the expedition;
And not with downright blows to rout
The enemy, but eat them out:
As fighting, in all beasts of prey,
And eating, are performād one way,
To give defiance to their teeth,
And fight their stubborn guts to death;
And those achieve the highāst renown,
That bring the othersā stomachs down.
Thereās now no fear of wounds, nor maiming;
All dangers are reducād to famine;
And feats of arms, to plot, design,
Surprise, and stratagem, and mine;
But have no need nor use of courage,
Unless it be for glory or forage:
For if they fight, ātis but by chance,
When one side ventāring to advance,
And come uncivilly too near,
Are chargād unmercifully iā thā rear;
And forcād, with terrible resistance,
To keep hereafter at a distance;
To pick out ground tā encamp upon,
Where store of largest rivers run,
That serve, instead of peaceful barriers,
To part thā engagements of their warriors;
Where both from side to side may skip,
And only encounter at bo-peep:
For men are found the stouter-hearted,
The certainer thā are to be parted,
And therefore post themselves in bogs,
As thā ancient mice attackād the frogs,205
And made their mortal enemy,
The water-rat, their strict ally.
For ātis not now, whoās stout and bold,
But who bears hunger best, and cold;
And heās approvād the most deserving,
Who longest can hold out at starving;
And he that routs most pigs and cows,
The formidablest man of prowess.
So thā emperor Caligula,
That triumphād oāer the British Sea,
Took crabs and oysters prisoners,
And lobsters, āstead of cuirassiers,
Engagād his legions in fierce bustles
With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles;
And led his troops with furious gallops,
To charge whole regiments of scallops;
Not like their ancient way of war,
To wait on his triumphal car;
But when he went to dine or sup,
More bravely eat his captives up;
And left all war, by his example,
Reducād to victāling of a camp well.
Quoth Ralph, By all that you have said,
And twice as much that
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