LEAD ME ON by Julie Ortolon (best pdf ebook reader TXT) 📗

to have an abortion, but I wanted to keep the baby. Adrian talked me into telling Aunt Viv, but we wanted to wait awhile to tell you. You were so young. Then I lost the baby, so there wasn’t any need. Adrian was upset but tried to let it go. Then he overheard Peter bragging to some of the boys on the football team. He never told me what Peter said, but I can imagine. Something in Adrian just snapped. It scares me to think what would have happened if the coaches hadn’t come to break up the fight.”

“Well, at least now it makes more sense. I was so shocked when it happened, because it’s not like Adrian at all. He’s just not the violent type.”

“Normally, no, he’s not. But when he’s pushed, we both know he has a temper.”

“True.” Rory shook her head, as if trying to take it all in. “I can’t believe none of you ever told me.”

“I’m sorry,” Allison whispered.

“Well, you should be. To think all these years, y’all have kept this from me, as if I weren’t really part of the family. How could you not tell me? If not back then, then when I got pregnant. Jeez—” She rubbed her forehead. “That’s why you’ve been so distant about the baby all this time. Here I’ve been talking about it in front of you, going on about how excited I was, and all the while... Oh, Alli.” Rory hugged her with all the fervor and lack of grace she’d had as a child. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Allison sniffed, hugging her back. “I’m the one who’s sorry for not sharing your excitement more. I am happy for you and Chance. It’s just difficult. I think about all the things that could happen to you or the baby, and I just feel this ... this horrible fear.”

“Fear?”

“Yes.” Just mentioning the frightening possibilities had them rushing up inside her, threatening to choke her. “I love you so much.” She tightened her arms about her sister. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you or Adrian. I worry all the time that y’all will leave me, like Mom and Dad did. I couldn’t handle it, Rory. I couldn’t handle losing you. Now suddenly, there’s Lauren, and I don’t want to love her and have to worry about her, too. I just wish I could go through life not caring about anyone, so that no one I love will ever leave me again.”

“Oh, Alli...” Rory pulled back, her face stricken. “I didn’t know you felt that way. How can you not want love? Do you wish you’d never loved Mom and Dad?”

“No. I just...”—her throat constricted—“sometimes, I think, if I’d loved them less, it wouldn’t have hurt so much to lose them. And if I’d wanted my baby less, that wouldn’t have hurt so much, either. It hurts to love, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Alli...” Rory sat back, staring at her.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffed back tears. “I didn’t mean to dump that on you. I’ve never even said all that aloud before.”

“But you’ve thought it. How awful to feel that way.”

“Forget I said anything.” She wiped angrily at her cheeks. “I’m sorry. Here’s your happy day, and I come along and upset you with things that happened a long time ago. I needed to tell you, though.”

“I’m glad you did. You need to talk about this.” Rory took her hand. “This is why you said you never want to marry, isn’t it? You think if you don’t let yourself love anyone, you’ll never be hurt again.”

She nodded as more tears clogged her throat.

“It’s not that easy, though.” Rory smiled with a wisdom far beyond her years. “You can’t live that isolated and be happy. I know you, Alli. You have too much love inside you to be that stingy with it. I don’t remember Mom very well, but I remember you, always taking care of me, reading me stories, teaching me to roller-skate ... or trying to. You filled my life with love. Now you’re saying love causes you nothing but pain?”

“I didn’t say that. I said I worry constantly about losing you.” She tightened her hands around Rory’s. “And that causes me pain.”

“I wish I could promise not to die before you do, but that would be ridiculous. None of us knows what the future holds. All we have is here and now. Right here, right now, you have me and Adrian. You have Chance, too, who loves you like a sister. And now you have Lauren. Would you turn your back on all that, push us away, because the future doesn’t come with any guarantees?”

“You make it sound silly.”

“Not silly, but very sad. Alli, can’t you just enjoy now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can you try?”

She struggled past the terror of opening her heart, and even that was a big step. She instantly wanted to pull back and hide. Then she thought of how many times Rory, with her fear of crowds and making mistakes, moved full steam ahead. Could she do any less? She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Okay, I’ll try.”

A mewing sound came from the cradle.

“She’s awake.” Rory’s whole face lit with joy. She got up and lifted the little blanket-wrapped bundle from the bassinet, cooing softly. When she turned, she smiled at Alli. “Do you want to hold her?”

Alli thought about it, then nodded. “Yes, I do.”

Rory juggled the squirming baby until she could place her in Alli’s arms. “Lauren, this is your Aunt Allison, who’s going to be the best aunt in all the world.”

“Hello, Lauren,” Allison whispered.

Lauren went still at the sound of her voice, blinking up at her with huge blue eyes. And Alli tumbled head first into a whole wide ocean of love.

Chapter 22

Scott sat at the desk, staring at his computer screen. He didn’t know why he bothered trying to write when he couldn’t think of anything but Allison. He glanced out