Plays 2: Weird Time Blues Shuffle - Colin Peterson, George O'Sullivan (trending books to read txt) 📗

read my mind?

 

Mayor: Well, I could, but it is against the law to read someone’s mind without there permission!

 

RJB: You just made that up! You read my mind because that is exactly what I was thinking! If in a democratic society-which this is not!

 

Mayor: Maybe we were thinking the same things?

 

RJB: Feeble excuse! That was feeble! You made that up! You read my mind. You didn’t find out what I wanted to do with Scrut? YOU DIDN’T READ MY MIND!

 

Mayor: Doctor calm him.

 

RJB: Oh, so you are drugging me first!

 

Dr.: Read his dirty thought first, before we sedate him!

 

Mayor: I could, but it is with my own sister!

 

RJB: Wait up! You did not mention Scrut was your sister!

 

Mayor: Well, I don’t need to tell you everything! That was what the big brother joke was all about -- honest!

 

RJB: With-holding information!Isn’t that illegal?

 

[Pause.]

 

Mayor: Public information, yes. Private, personal information of a medical nature does not ned to be addressed!!

 

[Scrut and PO enter.]

 

Dr.: Don’t worry this trouble-maker is just a twat! Drop him off near the A1 or something.

 

RJB: Wait! I want to stay! It’s late -- can I have some sleep? Or a wild night on the town?

 

PO: No, you are trouble! Trouble means evil! You’re the ringleader here accessing this excessive axis of evil! You are willing to sacrifice your own life to destroy someone else’s! Your sort -- you fanatics -- make me sick!

 

Mayor: Well, he could have one last night here. But you cannot leave your hotel room! We will say there is a party and send along some of the Domian young things. They are tasty, but they are not whores, just loose people who sleep around each weekend for no money! It will be just like an orgy! But it'll be civilised, of course. I'll send for some buffet snacks.

 

RJB: Good! I have been waiting to get my rocks off since I got here!

 

Mayor: But Scrut and the PO must guard you!

 

RJB: [To the PO.] Sorry, mate. Congratulations on getting hitched. What was your name again?

 

Mayor: Enough small talk. Go, you must leave here! Go out the back. I have a secret passage installed to the Domia Grand Hotel.

 

Dr.: I will get word about that there is a party. [Picks up megaphone on the desk. Shouts off-stage.] Hello! There's a hotel party if you’re doing nothing! It’s free-like everything else of course!

 

[Mob cheers off-stage.]

 

Mayor: Well done Doc! You are a clever boy!

 

RJB: I could have done that!

 

Dr.: Don’t mess with me. Come on, follow me!

 

[They all exit, except the Mayor who turns his office into a hotel reception area.]

 

Scene 9: Hotel reception.

[RJB enters.]

 

RJB: Hello. Have we met?

 

Mayor: Yes, I’m the mayor and the owner of the hotel. . Here are your keys. [Hands him some keys.] I will be up when I have enough shit in me!

 

RJB: The Doctor is sorting all that!

 

Mayor: Snorting all what? Already? I better get some more. I will be back in a bit. Go up-every one is up there!

 

[Mayor exits. RJB walks in circles, as if he is going up some steps. Finds a ‘door’. Opens it and walks into: ]

 

Scene 10: Hotel Suite.

[A huge mob, which was outside is in the suite dancing to cheesy music. Everyone is present, as the Dr. enters with pint glasses full of pills and bottles of booze, followed by the Mayor, who has an absurdly large bag of cocaine, smokes a huge cigar. Scrut looks very solemn as the PO gets drunk and dances with another girl.]

 

RJB: Hey, hey, hey! The party has started! Music, shitty snacks, drugs, sex, booze! But no togas? What’s going on! Cheer up Scrut! Why don’t you have a good time? Do I get a last night treat? You’re going to be-

 

Scrut: Don’t flatter yourself! I will never have liaisons with your sort!

 

RJB: You know I saved you from that bullet!

 

[The Dr. tries to guzzle a pint of pills and starts to zone out. The Mayor is eating cocaine with ice-cream. The Dr. then starts stripping for the Mayor. The crowd cheer him.]

 

Scrut: Oh, no! Not again Doc! Don’t! You're always making a fool of yourself! This is so dull!

 

RJB: Don’t change the subject! She just blanked me! Did you see that? Yeah?

 

Mayor: Oh, shut up! It’s the rebel's last night! Let’s all have some fun! [The record scratches, as the music stops. Long pause. As the friendly mob crowd round RJB.] Oops, sorry! I let that one slip!

 

Scrut: [To RJB.] Quick! Let’s get out of here!

 

Reveller1: So you are the guy who is trying to over throw what we have worked for! I bet he works for the C.I.A.! They have been trying to destroy Domia since the beginning!

 

Reveller2: No, he’s just a useless celebrity, I mean cele-brat-y trying get on the bandwagon and get a little a bit of power!

 

RJB I bet you've been wanting to use that cele-brat-y thing for ages, bloody sad fucker.

 

PO:  If we lose it, it is at the expense of our equality!

 

Dr.: Look, I was stripping here, but I seemed to have regained my --

 

Reveller2: Let’s get him! The TV companies will want him!

 

Reveller1: Wait! Don’t hurt him! Wait until we get him in a laboratory! 

 

Dr.: Yeah, good idea! Laboratory theatre! No! I don’t like hospitals! I hate that! Noooo!

 

Scrut: Stand back, rebel! They are going mad! [Scrut shields RJB.] Please back off, folks. PLEASE!

 

PO: Why don’t we kill him! Yeah? We'll kill him on TV! [Wild cheers and yelps of excitement. The mob move closer towards Scrut and RJB, trapping them in a corner.] It’s what he would have wanted!

 

RJB: No, I wouldn’t! Scrut, I  thought your husband was meant to be protecting me!

 

Scrut: We have been set up!

 

RJB: Please protect me, Scrut! Don’t let  them get me!

 

Scrut: When I say ‘Go’ run like mad!  These people are crazy! They just want a good ruck [ Not a fuck -- grow up! ] And you antagonised it all! Get ready -- ‘Go’!

 

[Scrut pulls out a gun, but they know it is empty. RJB screams, as does Scrut. Scrut and RJB are swamped and Scrut vanishes under the bodies. RJB crawls out and goes to run for the door, but it opens and VC enters.]

 

RJB: I thought you were dead!

 

VC: No, my Peepee hurts, but I am fine!

 

RJB: No, but you are in prison.

 

VC: The thing is in Domia, all the prisons here are open ones. I just checked out for tonight, but I have to be back before midnight.

 

PO: Now, there’s an example of a good citizen!

 

VC: I am going to kill you and finish off the job-you are harder than what I thought!

 

RJB: What do you mean ‘job’? [Beat.]Were you hired to kill me?

 

VC: [looks at the mayor. The Mayor shakes his head ‘no’.]  No, that's crazy talk!

 

RJB: I smell a rat!

 

All: [Panic.] Urgh! Where? Find it!  it could carry the plague! Ah, bad omens from God! Blame the rebel!  

 

RJB: Oh my goodness! Scrut! [Scrut is unconscious on the floor.] She needs a medic.! Where is that medic?

 

Dr.: Sorry, I’m too drunk to operate!

 

VC: Pah, now no-one is left to help you!

 

RJB: Sorry Cinders, but I have an hour to leave still!  Look, she needs a Doctor.! A Doc. who is sober enough to heal her -or she will die! 

 

[Everyone ignores him.]

 

Scrut: [slowly regains consciousness; weakly.] I’m sorry-maybe you were a caring person really. Maybe we just did not know enough about you-so we were fearful! We plotted, but it was only a mini-plot. Actually it was not much of one at ll. It was just because you would not cooperate and you would not leave. We did not know how to get you home. I’m sorry it’s had to end on this.

 

RJB: That’s okay. Look, I will try tto save you. I really love you!

 

Scrut: Don’t! Because , I have fallen in love with you! I was meant to resist your radical charms! But, as you can see, I could not! Quote me some Marx and turn me on!

 

RJB: I’m tired of all that! Look, maybe I can kiss you?

 

[Scrut dies in his arms. Everyone is crying. RJB kisses her gently on the lips and checks out her particulars, feeling up her dead warm body.]

 

 PO: Oi! That was my wife! You’re playing with my dead wife! You dirty boy! Kill him!

 

[RJB is captured and tied up.]

 

VC: Wait! Before we go any further, let us build a stake and, AND! [Turns to the audience.] Say a big hello to all our folks out there! Welcome to the Domia hour! We are here, for you, and you! For all of you!

 

[Scrut is removed and is chucked onto a makeshift pyre.]

 

Scene 11: Chat Show.

[RJB is tied to a recycled MDF stake. The Mob go around him jeering. The Mayor is dressed as a Judge.]

 

Mayor: I pronounce this vermin guilty! He killed my sister and the wife of our beloved, but very simple police officer!

 

PO: Okay, what is going on?

 

VC: Well, folks this debate has really heated up! Just imagine if you could do this to all your political leaders! Politics would be fun! And very messy. Like ‘Funhouse’. Anyway, let’s get back to the action -- see, no commercials here! Except that I was eating one day in a lovely burger bar-

 

Mayor: Get on with the show! There is only one burger bar -- and that’s Domia burger!

 

[Everyone claps.]

 

VC: Okay, let’s get the reactions of the public. They are not actors, but people off the streets![Approaches Reveller1.] Hello, Reveller 1, what’s your reaction?

 

Reveller1[R1]: It’s fucked isn’t it?

 

VC: Classic observation. Did you vote him out?

 

Reveller1: No, I didn’t vote for a thing-I didn’t even know about an election!

 

VC: That’s bad. What do you do for a living?

 

R1: I’m an actor!

 

VC: You’re kidding?

 

R1: No, I’m joking around. But I wouldn’t mind being on Neighbours or something. Is this live? Will it be aired right now? Wow! This can go on my profile.

 

VC: No, oh no -- don’t you dare say ‘hi’ to your mum! Let’s speak to this reveller, we shall call: Reveller 2. That’s simple for our viewers at home, to avoid confusion!

 

Reveller2[R2]: Hello!

 

R1: Hi Mam! Hi to you, too, Aunt Winnie!

 

VC: Get out of it! This is serious! A political troublemaker is about to be executed! All the nihilistic youth can think of is fun and fornication!   

 

R2: Yeah, it should be fun seeing him burn. He didn’t know much that rebel dude. He was boring: he just had an array of pop-cultured in jokes and all that! He wanted to poke me online, on some kinda book thing. It sounded so dirty! Well, I say down with pop-culture and soulless money! And that’s because money ain’t civilization, but because we rely on it to make us think we have a civilization! That guy was proof of the past! A vile odour of the past! [Melodramatically:] Oh, is that too over-the-top? What do you think? Am I hamming it up?

 

VC: Shut, shut up! That’s enough public reaction!

 

R2: I forgot my motivation! Was that all right? I can do other stuff!

 

VC: Shut up! You haven't even been issued a name [Pushes R2 out of the way.] Okay, so this is nothing new, but at least we can see that the event that has occurred has unified all of Domia!

 

[The Mob are banging drums and clanking metal pots. VC looks oddly at them.]

 

RJB: At last! I have completed my aim! I have brought you together! That is all I asked for! All…

 

VC: Good he has passed out, no boring last rites speeches. I hate them too! Okay, folks: this is where we’re going to have to switch you off! It’s only common decency that we cannot show you the gory climax! Goodbye and goodnight! Burn the fucker then!

 

[A torch - a sparkler - is ignited and sets the pyre on fire. RJB, screams as he sees the flame.]

 

PO: Look, a star ship trooper!

 

[Everyone looks one way, but the PO