My poetry. - Elizabeth Taylor (always you kirsty moseley txt) 📗

The Creature Inside of Me

You try to hide it
But I can see it in your eyes
You try to blink away the tears

No one can hear me scream
It's like I have no voice
No one even cares

I feeling so small
It's like I have no power at all
No one see's me anymore
Why can't I just shut that door

There is no light in this hallway for me
No light by which I could see
I draw my art upon my skin
Stained by blood is my sin

It's to hard to let go
In this cold cold snow
I swear I've screamed till my throat burns
But still no head turns

I forgive to easy
And when I do I get a little queasy
People say the good die young
But the bad die old

When can I be forgiven
I'll just disappear like a magician
Some people think I'm an angel
But in my head I am a devil

I just want to run away
Run away from the person I'm supposed to be
They all try to save
Save my soul from the beast inside me!

But in reality no one cares
No one tries to make any repairs
On my fragile broken heart
The heart that supposedly split a part

My art work isn't the best
I have this heavy weight in my chest
People think I'm a great artist
But I really think it's the hardest

In my family I'm in the middle
But I feel younger like I am so little
Some people secretly think I am a vampire
Probably because I hide from the sun

I only hide because I don't like being tan
I would rather be pale like a man
Again I say my drawings are kind of amateur
He says to himself, "I can never be good enough for her!"

But in reality I can never be good enough for him
Even the thought is grim
I try to laugh away the pain
But it just comes back through the rain

There is nothing left to hide behind
The love I have now is just plain blind
Not him, but me
I am just a jealous devotee

All the water around me cuts off my air
The signs around the lake of life say beware
But I ignore all the signs and just float right in
Now I am not eating and am way to thin

People who care tell me if I fall they will carry me home
But these days what do I call home
Is it my grandpa's house
Or is it my friends

Maybe my dad
But of course I can't go to my dad
He just makes me down right mad!
Mad of stuff he says to make me sad

No one listens when I talk
I walk right up and knock
"Hello?" but no one is there
Why should I even care?

Speak or Sleep

 Good bye or hello?
of which to say I don't know
Good bye to my old happy life
or Hello to my new dark side?

Smile or Die
I have no clue which to do
Smile fakely for the rest of my life
or Die in agony from suicide?

Love or Hate
I can't tell which is easier
Love everyone including your enemies
or Hate everyone even those you love?

Cry or Lie
so so difficult
Cry, let everyone know I'm not ok
or Lie say I'm fine but break inside?

Suffocating Scents

Smells
What really are they
you would think you know
I that that I love people smells
like my boyfriend
or you would like how your parents smell
my boyfriends smell is very distinct
at least to me
I try to smell others
but his scent is to strong
it's like it's trying to strangle me
so I sleep
I still can only smell him
I could be miles away
and still have his scent
inside my nose
there is something wrong
the smell is burned into my nose!

Help Me!

 All my tears subside
All my pain flares
My wrists and legs are on fire
Or at least that's how it feels
I want to someone to scratch
But no one dares scratch for me
It pains their souls to see me this way
But for my sake I shall stay
There is limited time left for me
Left on this earth for me to dream
I try to love but feel so lost
I try no matter the cost
few people know my problems
my closest friends hardly know me
I don't wish to trust others with my heart
so I am split apart 
split from society
for this last time in eternity
I say, please help me!

Runaway

 I'm a runaway
I'm an orphan
people tell me to stay
that I can fit in
but I run
because that's what's meant for me
I like to shun
keep people away from the beast I'm meant to be
love is just a fairytale
I tell myself that
but how can it be
when I have met my soul mate
it pains him to see me this way
if I do it he will to
I can't let him though
I'm a runaway
I shut people out
they try to pry in
but I'm closed up tight
they ask buggy questions of me
but in reality
I'm just a runaway

Sadness

 

Sadness is the water

That the ocean spills out

Every tear we cry

All your wishes to die

 

You cry behind locked doors

Wishing to end the suffering

Hoping someone will come out

To show you they care

 

But no one will show their face

Only because they’re afraid

Afraid to end up like you

In a world of shame

 

Care can be shown

Through the love that we share

Though every waking moment is spent

Wallowing in despair

Heart of Ice

 

My father has no heart
if he does he does not show it
It's hard on her
To know my father
he threatens her and beats her
Till she lies still in her pool of blood
He takes away her family
And her courage is running low
She can not tell me
or he would know

I've tried to keep her safe

But ended up getting myself hurt

No one could possibly know

How it feels to be an outsider

Especially in your own home

No one understands the pain

That goes along with divorce

No one understands the pain 

of a broken heart

Until it tears you apart

Crying everyday

Until you fall astray

No one will care

Not a single soul 

They will just stop and stare

Like you are a freak show at a circus

On display for all to see

And that is why 

My father has no heart

Ants

 Ants

So similar to me

Afraid of nothing

Yet scared of everything

Paranoid?

Only to see death coming

Humans?

A total new concept to me

Picking you up only to torture you

Showing everyone your flaws

As if you don't already see them

So you cut till you feel no more

Then someone notices the scars left behind

And they worry

They can't eat or sleep  until you're fixed

Then they stop caring and you break all over again

No one comes along this time

And then one day it becomes enough

So one last final cut

But this time your throat

You leave everyone behind

They all say they've tried

But they didn't

And everyone you hated for making You cry

Is crying at your funeral

And you watch them 

In all there agony

Everyone who ruined your life

Who drove you to the grave

All get torn apart and broken.

Just. Like. You.