Morning Sunset - Daniela D. I. (novels to read .TXT) 📗

his name, however, as all my other friends.
Lucas was furious when he found out that a few months later, André showed up and, after long conversations, explanations and courtship, I forgave him. I was still too weak to reject him, to forget and leave him in the past. All his entreaties effected on me as hypnosis and I believed that he regretted that he left, that in his life was no one except me ... I believed him or, simply, I wanted to believe him in order to calm down and in hope that the pain from my chest will disappear.
In the end, I gave another chance to André and to our relationship. But, that was my heart who couldn’t forget all that had happened before, couldn’t forget the pain that I experienced when I saw him with another girl and those memories were torturing me. I always suspected that he had someone else, that he cheated on me and I couldn't banish those doubts away.
Jealousy was killing me slowly and painfully and along with me, our relationship was dying too, despite the fact that André assured me that he wasn't cheating on me, that everything was just in my imagination and I simply didn't trust him. But how can you trust someone who has betrayed you once?
Then, I decided to calm down, convincing myself that all those were just my suspicions and I tried to ignore the fact that he worked too hard, that we rarely saw each other and I often spent the holidays alone. I decided to trust him and do not ask him about anything until I spent New Year's Eve alone. Well, not quite alone - in the company of friends, but without André, who unexpectedly had to go to his parents for the holidays, leaving me without a clear explanation why I couldn’t go with him. None of my friends asked why he wasn’t at the party, but I felt their compassionate gaze over me, and especially the sight of Lucas that burned through me as if it was saying «I warned you." All the holidays, I couldn’t get rid of the thought that André was with the other, who was obviously more important to him than I was. That was the last straw in our relationship, and I knew that I could no longer fight for them. For me, it became clear that I didn't want any more of those relationships.
After the holidays, when André finally returned from his parents, I came to him and told him that our relationship was over, because I knew that he didn't spend the holidays with his parents, but with other girl. I told him that in the hope that he will deny everything, but he didn't say a word and that silence was more eloquent than any words. I remember how I stood up and headed for the exit. My legs were shaking, I practically forced myself to go and not to fall. I saw nothing, my eyes were filled with tears. I was just praying to leave that apartment as soon as possible, so I couldn't change my mind and return to him.
He remained seated, but when I reached the door, he shouted after me "I love you." For a few seconds, I froze in place. My soul was torn by doubts: to stay or to leave. But, I found the strength to lift my arm, to reach the handle, to open the door, and, even, not to look back.
The first thing I did when I got out of the apartment, I ran to Lucas. I wanted him to hug me and to say that everything will be ok. I didn’t remember how I got to his apartment, but when he opened the door, I rushed into his arms and wept. He tightly embraced me, without asking anything until I calmed down and told him everything. After he had listened carefully to me, he just said quietly, "my little girl" and just from those words I already felt better. He didn’t reproach me the fact that he told me that this will happen, and didn’t promise that everything will go away, he just was there and held my hand, as always.
How can I explain to Lucas that I have forgiven André once again and that, in spite of parting with him, we never stopped to talk. André just wouldn’t let me do that, in spite of the fact that he didn’t stop me when I left him. He didn’t stop calling me, despite the fact that I didn't answer his calls, he continued to send me flowers and leave a voicemail messages on how he regretted about everything. I don’t know how, but he made sure I agreed to meet with him after our breakup in order just to talk. And that's how began our "friendly" relations, which consisted in the fact that we sometimes met in the city, talked about various things, but never started a conversation about our relationship ... until today.
And, now, I sat on the stairs and thought, "Am I such a big fool, that I believed he loves me, that I'm the only one for him?"
I remembered all that he said to me today, almost word for word. We sat in the park and talked about something, when he took my hand, looked into my eyes and whispered, "Forgive me, forgive me. I know that I caused you a great pain, that I hurt you and it's killing me. But I love you, I really love you and I need you, I miss you.
Hearing his words, I felt like my heart began to break into two parts, one of which wanted to believe in the words of André and the other one was afraid that I would suffer again, and the second part was much stronger than the first one. I slowly pulled out my arm, and barely audibly I said,
- I don’t want to talk about it. Everything is in the past...
- No, nothing is in the past - he interrupted me - nothing is in the past. We're here, we love each other, and would be a mistake not to give us another chance.
- I don’t want to go again through something I already have survived , I don't want ... - I almost cried out in fear that he won’t hear me and that his words could convince me - ... I know that you cheated on me, even though you didn’t confess, I know that you spent the holidays with her, and left me alone ...
- I'm sorry - suddenly he whispered, for the first time admitting that I was right - Sorry...
I don't even know what I felt at that moment. On the one hand I was relieved that he finally confessed, but then again, I was pierced by the searing pain of betrayal, because of which I couldn't breathe and the tears quietly rushed to my eyes.
I was right, and my nightmare just became a reality. I looked at him through my tears and I couldn’t say anything else. André moved closer to me, gently squeezed my hands between his palms and looking into my eyes, he said,
- I know that I was wrong, I know I'm an idiot and that I offended you, when I was supposed to defend you. But, honey ... I love you so much. When I lost you, I realized that I don't need anyone but you, I realized that I lost a part of myself - he made a little pause, breathed, and went a little quieter - as soon as I realized that I lost you, I parted with ... the other - saying the last words, his voice trembled as if he was hurt about it. But at that moment my feelings were too hurt in order to draw attention to that. I looked at him in amazement,
- This should please me somehow, calm down? I understand that if we wouldn’t break up you would now be together?
- No - he said quickly - I just want to say that I understood that I can’t live without you, and that I don’t want anybody but you. Forgive me, please forgive me, - he almost prayed - I had a few months to realize what I have done. But I promise that this time things will be different. I changed and I won't cause you any pain. I promise. Don't turn away from me. Give us one last chance.
I didn't know what to say or what to do. There was a feeling that my brain exploded into thousands of small pieces, and I couldn't put them together so that I could at least somehow think clearly.
My heart was beating in a furious pace and it seemed like a minute later it will jump out of my chest. This time, the idea to be with him again, see his smile, his eyes were a thousand times stronger than the fear to feel the pain of betrayal once again. But despite that, I was ready to argue, except that André wouldn’t let me do it. Before I could say a word, I felt how his soft lips touched mine very gently, leading me away from all the doubts and anxieties. I gave up. I didn't want to argue with him anymore, didn't want anything to ask, I just enjoyed his kisses which I missed so much.
- The last chance - he whispered, for an instant having come off from the kiss.
- The last chance - I whispered in reply, and again felt the taste of his kiss on my lips...


My memories were interrupted by the sound of an opening door and agitated Lucas' voice.
- Emma, I've been looking for you for a half an hour. I thought that you have already left. Your cell phone is not responding...
- I turned it off - I said quietly, while Lucas came over and sat beside me on the stairs.
- Why? - He asked more calmly.
- I don't know, probably it happened by accident.
- What are you doing here? - He asked with interest.
- Thinking...
- About what?
- Oh, just about everything. Nothing interesting and important - I lied, removing my gaze from him to the side. Lucas gently touched with his fingertips to my chin and turned my head to him. He looked into my eyes,
- Are you okay? Nothing has happened? - He asked
- Everything's fine - I said, lowering my eyes.
- Emma, I know you. Something happened, but you don't want to tell me...
- Everything's fine - I said again, hoping that he would believe it. Of course, it wasn't good, because I had no idea how to tell him about my reconciliation with André. I was afraid to tell him, I was afraid of his reaction.
- And don't look at me like this - I said in an offended tone.
- How?
- Like I'm guilty of something - hearing my words, Lucas smiled.
- Okay, my culprit - he said, getting up off the stairs and holding out his hand to me - Let's go.
- Where? - With interest I asked, grabbing his arm. He gently pulled me to him and the next moment I was standing next to him.
- Home. I'll take you, once your car is being repaired - he said.
- And Amanda won't be offended? - I asked guiltily, because I really wanted to leave.
- Amanda will be offended if she sees you how you sit here on the stairs, so we'll better go. But