Return to First Love - Leandra A. (dark academia books to read TXT) 📗

she's been going on about. 

"I'm just too not into stuff like that" That's what I always reply to it. And every time these  things are brought into me, I always find ways to escape and ignore them.

Back then I was a care free person who doesn't give a damn about stuff like love. "Falling in love at first sight huh?" I thought that's impossible and a stupid thing to happen.That's why I didn't expect that when you fall in love you'll helplessly bare all your self in front of that person.

"T...This is heavy" I muttered as I carry loads of books I need to give our professor for his research materials. "Whoa...Shit" I nearly stumble and dropped the books when I felt someone hands holding my back." I'm sorry"  I turn around and apologized quickly making me drop one of the books I was carrying.

I was struggling to reach out the book that was on the floor with my hand when suddenly he kneel down and get the book for me. "Here you dropped this" he told me with his deep low voice and then just walk away after that.

I just spoke with him one time and its not like you'll know a person after seeing him one time. I know that it's stupid, Its plain but strangely...I fell in love just like that. 

After that I often see him alone in the library  and was sitting always beside the window while reading a book. There are some woman who would try to approach him but he would just ignore them. He is stoic, quiet and intimidating.

"I wonder what's gotten into me? Maybe I'm just confused" That's what I thought that time--- and I've been telling myself for four years.

Like a stalker, I ask people who knows things about him and tries to get closer to him. But I don't have the confidence to speak with him directly so it became an unfruitful one sided love in my part for four years.

"I wonder If Its okay to do this" I giggled as I write my name beside his name on the log page of the books he borrowed before."Just to be on the safe side, I'll just put my last name...Kim" My heart would pound crazily as I think of  him.

In order to understand a little bit of him, I borrowed the same books he read, watch the same movie and listen to the same music I heard he likes. I practically become a certified stalker who is satisfied in doing petty things like this.Just so I can become a little bit closer in understanding him.

And then one day it happened. It was like fate has played with our life.

"I wonder If I should jump?" I muttered as I try to reach out and get the book that was placed on the top section of the shelf. I was about to jump and reach for it when suddenly a hand reach it out for me.

"Is this the one you need?" I turn my head to see who is it and my heart almost came out of my chest when I saw that it was the same person that I've been in love with.

It might be because of excitement, insanity perhaps but my feelings I kept for four years  just over flowed suddenly when he spoke with me the second time.

"I...I like you, please go out with me" I out of the blue blurted this words out to him. 

I'd been trying to watch him from a far, that's why when he suddenly appears in front of me and talk to me, my hidden feeling just went and over flow like that.

To my surprise he made a soft laugh and then nod his head. He easily agreed in going out with me.

"I can't believe this is happening" My ears can't believe what its hearing but it seems I was given a chance to stay beside him and be with him.

"So what is your name?" He lean forward and suddenly ask me this. But because of my nervousness, I might be frantically panicking all over and my head is really in a mess, maybe that's why I uttered a different name.

"Li...Anne Li Kim" is what I answered to him, hesitantly. Not having the chance to take it back now.

I remember myself fidgeting each time we were together. I can't keep calm and was not even sure on how will I speak with him.

"What are you fidgeting and getting nervous for?" He chuckled. I bet he enjoys watching my frantic expression every time I am with him. It obvious by the way he act and speak, he's aware of how much I am into him.

I was surprised as well at first when I learned how mean and a real bully he is.

"Hey, I want you to come with us later and drive me back again" he said with his blank, monotonous  voice.  

"B...But I still have so many home work I need to finish" I tried to explain to him but he would just glare at me. I on the other hand can't refuse him and would just give him a nod in the end.

He would sometimes made me run some errands for him and his friends but for some reason I don't find all of this hateful ad was even happy that I was being useful for him. I hate the me of that time and thinking right now I'm really such a hopeless case ten years ago.

"I...I heard that you got sick, I'm partly blamed for it so I brought these for you"  He shyly told me while holding a bag of medicine and food he got for me. 

It must be my imagination but his face is somewhat a bit red and his eyes won't meet mine, the whole time he's in my room.

I was out because of cold one time because I got drench in rain when I ran and went back to school for him that night when it was raining, thinking that he might have forgot to bring his own umbrella. I was not thinking and just went ahead and return back without an umbrella for myself and got sick the next day.

"Hey, you're sick right?" He ask me after letting out a big sigh.

"Yes?" I answered him, while grinning.

A frowned face then follows " Then what are you doing hiding yourself and watching me, grinning like that!" He shouted and then glare at me as I watch him prepare my food and cook for me at that time.

"But its a rare sight, Its a waste if I will not print this in my memory at least" I giggled.

"Huh?Are you IDIOT?" He cluck his tongue and turn way his face from me.

It might be out of guilt but still I was over joyed with happiness when he got worried at me and even went at my place. He might get annoyed with it but I can't help but smile and get so happy that it shows in my face obviously, when I saw his face got embarrassed like that for the first time.

It took a while but I noticed the changes in his expression and him opening up a little bit to me.

"My dad, I guess he really can't forgive my mom and thus hate me as well because he see his wife, who left him in me and has to look for me all by himself making it harder for him" He muttered.Half smiling.

I was surprise to hear him talking about his personal life at me and honestly instead of sympathizing with him my head is on cloud nine, unable to hide the feeling of happiness.

"Hey,  are you listening to me?" He ask me and caught me staring at him.

"Y...Yes, Of course I'm listening" I answered him, stammering.

"Tsk! Why am I even telling you this things, I must be tired, forget it" He clucked his tongue and pouted.

"No! Actually I'm just so happy that you are telling this things to me" I told him and then paused for a while, " You know, you really need to ask your dad about that" I suddenly said to him.

"About what?" he ask me, looking confused.

"Ask him, Are you angry because mom left me to you and now I'm getting in your way to move on or its hard for you to look after a child by his own" I explained to him, " And then after that...be sure to tell him that you want to be with him and you don't want him looking all sad like that"

He just stare at my face and then start laughing. "Do you think that's going to work and necessary" he debated.

"But still, make sure you let him know...there are things that will never be understood unless you told them in words." I said to him.

How arrogant of me to think that things like " you'll never be understood unless you told them in words" is that easy to do, specially once you become an adult. Right now the more I try to convey what I'm thinking, the more I say hurtful words to him. 

These innocent days of mine for some reason keeps on going back, as if its trying to return us from that time, when we still careless about the rules of this world and we are still not bound in the word "responsibility".

still editing

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Publication Date: 12-26-2015

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