Her Love Fades... - Kerry Boo.. (books to read in a lifetime TXT) 📗

yu may have shattered my heart in two…Made it bleed, caused me pain and endless tears…I still fucking need yu. But I am the one here with the bleeding heart…Walking the earth and feeling so fucking alone </3 For Luke…*

Andi grabs the poem and throws it inside her binder before she gets started on another one. Andi bites down on her eraser trying to decide what to write. `write what your feeling` she thinks to herself. Then grabs her pencil and starts writing.

*Do yu ever know… when yu need to say goodbye to someone who keeps on making yu cry…Because that would be now, I think I need to let yu go…It’s not the same…..As it used to be…Cause now I’m just suffering from a bleeding heart, Knowing that yu still hold it in yur hand, yu could crush it in a second. I think it’s time that I let yu go… I guess I have to move on and say goodbye… walk away from everything that we could have had*

Andi finishes and throws that one in her binder too. She sits there writing poems all day, ignoring her phone every time it rang.

The next day in school Andi’s walking in the hall close to the lockers to stay out of everybody’s way, someone bumps into her and her binder falls out of her hand, embarrassed she grabs her binder and walks away when someone grabs her shoulder, Andi turns around to see who it was.

“Hey Andi.”
“Hi Luke.”
“Are you ok?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well you didn’t answer any of my calls.” Luke says leaning against the wall.
“Sorry.”
“But your ok right?”
“Sure.” Andi says biting her tongue and walking off

Luke<3


“Andi wait!” I call after her, noticing she dropped some papers out of her binder. I grab them and whisper “I’ll give them to her later.” So I just slipped them in my folder and walk away. I sit down and curiosity gets the best of me, so I open the folder that I put Andi’s poems in, I have to read them... I grab the first One and start to read it

*I’m so broken…How doesn’t he see it? </3 How does he miss the tears threatening to spill over when I see him…He always knew when I had a fake smile on and something was wrong…Now when something’s wrong, he doesn’t ask… Maybe because he knows what’s wrong… I lost him and all I want to do is die. </3 Don’t tell me that laugh made yu think I was ok… Because I’m not without him, I am completely and hopelessly lost… I don’t even want to live another day. Knowing that every single smile I put on to show them that I am ok is a lie. I hate lying to the people who love me… But if they knew the truth it would hurt them so much more. But how doesn’t he see, that I am not ok. It’s cold, cold in my heart… But if yu look at me and yu see a tear escaping down my face, Don’t ask me if I am ok, I can’t stand lying to yu.. </3 *

I finish reading the poem and I punch my desk. I am so irritated right now. I walk out of the classroom when I hear soft foot steps behind me, I want to whirl around and knock whoever followed me out, but I keep calm and take a deep breath, I turn around to see my teacher Mrs. Rasa following me. She looks generally concerned.

“Luke are you ok?” she asked me softly.
“No, I am not ok. What the fuck is ok?” I don’t even bother hiding the anger and confusion in my voice. I stand there waiting for her to yell at me for ‘inappropriate language.’
“What happened?” she doesn’t scold me for swearing.
“It’s a girl.” Is all I can say.
“Oh Andi right?” she asked leaning against the wall.
“Yes.” I whisper sliding down the wall slowly.
“Tell me what happened.”
“My dumb ass made a mistake and cheated on her, then she forgave me and fucking Becca had to kiss me and ruin everything.”
“How did Becca ruin it?”
“She kissed me, and I was stupid and I didn’t try to stop her…”
“Oh dear Lucas. I am so sorry.”
“I don’t deserve someone like Andi, But she wanted to get back together and I just don’t want to hurt her anymore… And I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t deserve her, without hurting her, and making her think that I don’t want her.”
“Well what was that about in there?”
“I found some poems that she wrote… And I need to talk to her right now!” I say hoping that was the end.
“Ok… Luke… Go.”
“Thanks.” I said.

I walk away. Whether she letting me go or not, I was going. I stop at Andi’s homeroom and knock on the door. The teacher Mr. whatever (couldn’t think of anything. Lol) opens the door

“Luke what are you doing here?” he asked in a puzzled tone.
“Can I talk to Andi?”
“Luke you do know that homeroom is over in less than 5 minutes right?”
“yes I know that, but I really need to talk to her.”
“Well ok... I guess. Mr. whatever steps inside and calls Andi to the door. Andi walks up to the door.

“Andi Luke said he needs to talk to you... like right now I guess.”
“I have to do my homework."
“Andi please, this won’t take long.” I begged her; I would have gotten down on my knees if she would have refused again.
“Fine.”
“Ok Andi, Luke... I guess go to the hall and talk, I’ll shut the door.” With that he turns and shuts the door

Andi<3

There I was sitting in my desk waiting for school to start when someone knocks on the door… Mr. whatever gets up and I hear him say Luke, I sit there and cross my fingers and I sit there hoping… saying please don’t let that be Luke Wilson. Well I knew it was when Mr. Whatever calls me to the door. Oh shit is the only thing I can say… so I repeat it over and over again in my head. I get to the doorway and Luke is standing there, it looks like he had been crying so I cross my arms and fight the urge to hold him, Mr. whatever had told me that Luke would like to talk to me right now, so I quickly say I have my homework that I need to get done, but Mr. whatever rushes me into the hall way and slams the door shut… Now all I hear is Luke’s shallow breath and the steady beat of my broken heart, this once would have been heaven standing here with Lucas… well now its hell. I stand there for the longest time just waiting for him to take his eyes off me and say something, but they were locked on me the entire time. I stand there getting irritated and I turn to walk back into class when Luke’s hoarse and cracked voice begs me not to go. SO I gradually sit down on the floor and wait for him to begin.

“Andi I know I messed up.” I hear him say finally after what feels like forever. “But you don’t need to kill yourself… Now please don’t get pissed at me but I found some poems that you wrote and they broke my heart… You shouldn’t blame yourself about what happened… the only person here to be blamed would be me.”

“Luke… you weren’t supposed to see those.” That was the only thing I could think to say… I mean how I can make him feel better, when I can’t even make myself feel better.

“I know I wasn’t Andi. But I came here to beg you not to die. Don’t kill yourself.” Luke slowly walks away from the door and sits in front of me making me want to run.

“Luke I can’t promise you anything.” I say already feeling defeated, and I had only been there for a matter of minutes.

“Andi I know that you want to get back together.” I hear him half say, I am to busy watching the way his lips formed my name. I quickly snap out of it and force my attention towards his words. “And I want to get back with you too. And I have been trying to figure out how I am supposed to tell you this, because I don’t want to hurt you… or make you think something is wrong with you. But… I won’t go back out with you.”

I had heard enough, I couldn’t listen to him any more because I knew soon I would start crying. So all I could do was shake my head. I stood up and I walked away towards the girls’ bathroom. I could feel the floor lift up slightly as he gotten up to follow me.

“Andi it isn’t against you. You are perfect.”

I didn’t want to listen to a word he said anymore, when he said you are perfect I had to stand there and try not to yell lies. He just doesn’t give up does he? Because he keeps following me. I decide it’s time to give him a chance and explain what he was talking about… I mean he at least deserved that much.

“Luke I understand you don’t want to date me anymore.”

“I don’t think you do. Andi… you are perfect, I don’t deserve someone as great as you.”

“I am not as great as you think, and I will not stand watching you fall in love with Becca all over again…”

I had made a split second descion to tell him that we couldn’t talk anymore… and we couldn’t be friends.

“What are you talking about Andi? I will never fall in love with someone as much as I have fallen in love with you. I will never replace you. You are the only girl that I ever want… And the only girl I’ll never have….”

I stood there watching Luke, I was tearing up I listened to every word he had to say, I could feel my heart falling more and more, the stitches that Luke had once used were falling apart… And it hurt like hell.

Luke<3

I finally get her to talk to me, all to crush her dreams. I hate myself for this…I will never forgive myself… but I have to…she stands there silent the girl that I was so in love with… She was standing in front of me, and I was breaking her heart. I could not feel any worse, I could see the tears escaping down her face, and all I want to do is reach out and wipe them away, and hold her in my arms. And tell her that I will never let go. But right now, I need to do what is best for her. Even though breaking her heart right now seems like the worst thing possible, I have to… because it’s really going to prove to be the best thing that I could have done. I sat up all night arguing with myself trying to give myself different reasons of why breaking her heart was ok. The only one I came up with was a saying ‘giving up doesn’t mean your weak, it means your strong enough to let go’ ya that’s the thing that made my descion. I stand there staring at her, trying to avoid looking into her eyes, because I know doing so…