The Bucket List - N. Y. (great book club books TXT) 📗

realize, that in this world of mine, he might not even answer.

 

It might have even been made up.

 

 

Those nights, that I pray. Needing someone.

 

Having this power of my life.

 

 

The wind is cool and I keep my head down, remembering. One of things I hated.

 

But remembering, the steps.

 

The streets, the time it takes to get there.

 

 

How fast I need to run, and who exactly I need to see. I knew I could trust him.

 

But i'm not so sure anymore, which is why I need to find out.

 

 

If I still trust him, and if we can maybe work it out.

 

It feels good to think about that since today at lunch, I deserved to visit him.

 

 

To have an explaination and those thoughts I had stuck inside, finally let out.

 

 

I watch the ground, still trying to figure out where it is again.

 

 

And then it's there. I stop in my tracks looking to my left. On top of the smallest hill.

 

Life.

 

His life.

 

 

The same white house with a porch, vintage chairs and a hell of a prick coffee table outside.

 

But it was the house I fell in love with. More importantly, the one with the person inside.

 

 

And at the thought I charge up the large, wet grass hill. I look down a couple times, then up again.

 

Fighting the urge to just leave or stay.

 

 

But, if I stay. Things will be perfect.

 

And if I decide to go, it's gone.

 

 

Before even another thought, i'm on the porch, standing in front of the door.

 

Tears dripping off my glasses.

 

 

Then it happens, slowly growing louder and louder with each drop.

 

The rain.

 

 

I'm breathing heavily. Mostly from the run up to the house.

 

And then I realized, what was going to happen.

 

 

I knock on the door, no hesitation this time.

 

My decision is set and nothing's going to hold me back.

 

 

As that thought subsides, the front door slowly begins to creak.

 

I knew I had to face it somehow....now or never.

 

Velvet Bones

 

Just in case you didn't know, you should never trust anyone with your story.

 

Trust me, i've told myself that months ago. About 7 months ago.

 

 

Yet here I am, about to talk and confess.

 

  

The door opens with a creak, but the screen door is shut.

 

He's standing there. 

 

 

It's raining heavy now, whipping it'self over everything it touches.

 

My mouth is open, forming a O that won't shut.

 

 

My breathing is silentl, in and ou. Trying to control what i'm doing.

 

A few seconds go by, not even one of us had said anything.

 

 

Then I speak. "Can we talk?''

 

It comes out wobbly as if needing to say it was truthful enough.

 

He just stands there, looking down at me. Then the rain lets up.

 

 

The sun begins to shine again, seeping through my damp clothes.

 

Tyler barely even recognized me. I was a totally different person.

 

 

But after several looks, stares and everything in between, we march on our back to my house.

 

Over the wet pavement and streetlights that won't let the rain stop dripping from it.

 

 

Tyler follows behind me. We don't speak, we just walk.

 

It kinda sucks how I didn't mention why, or even came up with an excuse.

 

He just, opened the door, stepped outside. And automatically, he was on my side.

 

 

And while I thought on the walk up, it bugged me how we barely spoke before. 

 

After all, I did just get back from the hospital a few long hours ago. But that didn't phase Tyler.

 

 

He just suspected i'd get over it. The way the words twinkled in his eyes before we left his porch.

 

 

Luckily, Tyler lets me off the hook when I don't explain why I led him back to my house.

 

I just had a lot to say, with everything.

 

 

I didn't even mention how my parents came back today, or why i've been gone.

 

Or even why i've avoided seeing him all day in school.

 

It was time to tell someone, beside Mrs. Grande, who obviously doesn't know what's up.

 

 

When we reach my house, I lead him to the back porch.

 

 

Inside mom and dad are talking softly. Aunt Carol is between them trying to fix the situation.

 

And then they're quiet, watching me. I sit down on one of the steps and Tyler does the same.

 

 

He's to the left and i'm on the right. We're quiet for a second.

 

Tyler's looking at me, but I ignore him for a second as I gathered my thoughts.

 

 

 

Where do I start,....the incident, the fight? The 2 months i've been in the hospital, and the lost track of time?

 

All rushing through my brain, I didn't know what say it.

 

 

''I've...been meaning to talk to you.'' I finally said.

 

Tyler looks down, trying to fuse the words together. But I knew he would be confused.

 

And that made me think harder, what would be better than meaning to talk to you.

 

 

Was it the way you say it? How the words fit together?

 

Or maybe it's the feeling...how it spreads like honey.

 

 

So sweet...but it's not sweet anymore between us.

 

And with that said, I turn back to see Mom and Dad watching me from the counter.

 

 

The window's are clear and the sight is set.

 

I can't fail them now. I needed to fix it.

 

 

Then I turn back to Tyler quickly, grabbing his attention.

 

Placing my hand on his, without hesitation this time.

 

 

I'm confident and I know it this time. I'm not afriad like before.

 

And I know this because my parents are here.

 

 

Before them, I used to slip on my words and duck my head down in shame.

 

I used to watch kiss of the dragon, and hope for love.

 

 

I learned without them, I grew up on my own words and now that their back...

 

I can't break my promise, those rules.

 

 

 

Well their more than rules, their part of my bucket list.

 

My bucket list.

 

 

#11. You may be good at acting like the victim, but now soon, it's gonna be time to face reality. Embrace the truth, because people can see through you.

 

 

I wrote that, just months ago. One of the last important things i'll ever write.

 

I had the chance to cover for myself, looking out for me when I didn't know.

 

 

Like in 5th grade when Ashley told me to carry tampons around, even though I hadn't gotten my period yet.

 

It was so much like that.

 

 

And then I knew what to say.

 

 

I open my mouth finally, trying to form the words in my head.

 

It comes and goes, but then it kicks in.

 

 

''I'm sorry,...for earlier at lunch.'' I finally said.

 

It's comes out soft yet loud enough for Tyler to hear.

 

 

I was afriad of what his reaction might be, and even after the seconds I watched him come up with a response, I couldn't care less anymore.

 

 

I lean in, taking one of my hands to Tyler's neck, then going for it.

 

 

It's simple and nothing. My eyes are closed, but in my soul, their open.

 

 

I couldn't even think of what might happen next, but I continued on.

 

My hand still and firm on his neck. The other, moved to my right thigh.

 

 

Then within the seconds, our lips part. Tyler leans in, finishing it.

 

We just sat there, kissing, as if nothing was wrong.

 

 

And then it's even more clear for me. There's nothing wrong with the trouble.

 

Mom and Dad could see, so could Aunt Carol.

 

 

But I never opened my eyes one bit. Even when Tyler placed his left hand over to my cheek.

 

Letting the moment sink in, as regret and the truth flows in.

 

 

I've been meaning to do this.

 

But I never suspected i'd be the one to go through the park.

 

 

And when our lips touched, it felt like fireworks.

 

Silent woods, and the ocean roaring ahead. Even in the middle of Louisana, it felt right.

 

 

My soul, my life was mended again.

 

I had no fear holding me back this far again.

 

I knew i'd finally let those words, too loud for music to understand, let go.

 

 

And with that thought, our lips part. Letting a huge grin plaster on my face.

 

It takes a while before Tyler's  begins to form, but i'm still and quiet.

 

 

Looking into his eyes, wondering when i'd become the new Alex.

 

The one who doesn't bookshop on friday's, calling it a good time.

 

The Alex who doesn't survive on red apples, and the need of truth.

 

 

It was utterly amazing. My parents saw. And even Alex, me. I saw it.

 

I suck in my bottom lip, still letting my smile rise over my face.

 

 

Then I look to the left, where the closed slide door is.

 

Mom and Dad are still, watching me. As if they saw everything I wanted to say.

 

 

The truth is, I hoped they did.

 

 

And i'd hope for the love and other theories they told me, to finally bloom again.

 

With one more smile, my eyes danced around in theirs.

 

XOXO

 

The year we became friends....

 

 

The girl next to me who loved sports was on the stands and one day searched through her mp3 player.

 

And I could see she was listening to Roman Holiday, by my favorite artist.

 

 

And at that same time, I started humming the chorus that I loved on the track.

 

We both looked at each other, a small smile on my face and also her's.

 

I didn't know who she was or if I would ever see her again, but I loved that we didn't say a word.

 

 

Just a simple bond over a song. It's amazing what music can do.

 

And from then on, we just knew.

 

 

So when I walked through those doors on my first day, she was by my side.

 

And that day, we met during gym class in 5th grade. We'd promise each other one thing.

 

 

When we both started 6th grade, we'd both become friends.

 

 

I was so happy for once.

 

It was not even a simple walk to school, I was practically jogging.

 

 

With excitement in my bones, I longed to see and hear the first words of the girl I remembered.

 

The one with brown hair and freckles, the wonderless eyes and cursed lips.

 

 

The one named, Ashley.

 

With that thought, the bell rang. Me and Ashley pushed past some students trying to get past the main office.

 

It was a busy. Weird first day at Bree Woods Middle School.

 

 

Ashley wore a brown sweater with the sleeves cut off and long ends that go past your waist.

 

She also had on the darkest brown, along with black booties.

 

 

Ashley had beautiful brown hair. So smooth and graceful, I couldn't keep my eyes off of it.

 

 

Then it happened, the worst of moments to ever come in your worst 3 years in your entire life.

 

I fell down, in a bustling crowd of 6th graders.

 

 

And even after the second I realized it, there she was again.

 

 

Helping me up, just like the time I fell down trying to shoot a basketball into the net.

 

I missed and landed on my left knee, it was scraped and hurt a lot.

 

 

Even when it was generous of Ashley,