The Bucket List - N. Y. (great book club books TXT) 📗

Dancing On Glass

  

It's silent and quiet, nothing but machines making noise.

 

Pens are laying around as my eyes search them.

 

 

I was getting out today, I wouldn't be here anymore. In this dreadful place.

 

 

I look back down to my teddy bear. It's fur brushed against my forearm.

 

 

My head raises to look at the lights shine down bright on me as I continue to pet my bear.

 

I remember hearing Aunt Carol's happy laugh when she handed me the bear.

 

 

Besides the struggle of not moving for 2 months straight, I still felt human.

 

 

My eyes dart down to my sheets that I probably won't see again.

 

The hospital sheets weren't that comfortable anyways, but it was warmer than home.

 

 

My glasses begin to slip off my nose, I push it back to place. Then my hands carelessy touch the bear again.

 

 

My nurse comes in and my head lifts up when she does.

 

''Hey, you ready to get out?'' she says.

 

 

I gaze to her smiling face, as her red hair looms over it. She wore pink and black matching scrubs today.

 

It seemed to suit her.

 

''Yeah.'' I reply.

 

 

I get up as she leaves the room, I head into the bathroom feeling the fabric of my socks glide against the hospital floors.

 

It was quite shiny and clean in my room every week.

 

At least that's what Nurse Nenny said while I was asleep.

 

 

She's the one who took care me of the whole time I was here.

 

 

Through my rough days of recovery, she was here watching over me. And now I get to leave back home.

 

And just the thought of home made me shiver.

 

 

I lived with my mom and dad, but that was years ago.

 

Mom and Dad have corporate jobs which makes they travel a lot.

 

I stayed home by myself.

 

 

At first when I told my teachers, they suspected I was being left home alone.

 

But then I told them my parents would come back just in time for important events.

 

 

Like holidays and when school starts back up.

 

They'd even visit when I have appointments.

 

 

But since the 7th grade, things kind of changed. They didn't come back much.

 

They left messages instead of emails.

 

 

I didn't mind much.

 

 

They gave me a credit card before they officially left for a long time. They thought I might need things and i'd managed to get it done with money.

 

 

It scared me a bit. Their only child, left home alone with a credit card.

 

But I could tell that they cared.

 

 

Instead of keeping the credit card to myself, I gave it to Aunt Carol to hold for me.

 

And when I needed something, she'd go to the bank and take out money for me.

 

 

She checked in every few weeks since she lived far but also close from us.

 

 

It was just me, alone most of the time.

 

I didn't make any new friends or talked to anyone.

 

 

Except for Ashely.

 

And also this one boy.

 

  

We used to be so close, me and Ashely. But then something happened.

 

 

I was stuck in my own world of middle school. Home alone dressed up in mom's clothes.

 

I spent most of my days blasting music and dancing on the kitchen table.

 

 

I didn't get in trouble, mostly cause i'd hide it well when Aunt Carol asked what happened in her usual 3 week visit each month.

 

And usually she'd never notice I lied.

 

 

I guess you could say my life was easy peasy.

 

Then things got crazy for a while.

 

 

I made decisions that went haywire.

 

I messed up a big portion of my life and now it can never go back to normal.

 

 

I rustle my fingers through my hair. The short ends was abnormal to picture on myself.

 

It was going take some getting used to it for my new hair style.

 

 

The doctors had to cut it for some reason. I didn't know.

 

Nurse Nenny said she told me one day while I was in ICU.

 

 

I don't remember hearing her say that, but she did reflect on me whispering something back that day.

 

Probably in response.

 

 

I think that was our way of connecting while I was in a coma.

 

 

Giving up on trying to make my new hair cut look more appealing, I glared into the dim dark restroom mirror again.

 

I looked so weird and out of place. Unrecognizable.

 

This looked nothing like me.

 

 

It was the kind of style the anyone my age had while I was in elementary school.

 

 

Soft fringe, slight overriding bangs that blow over you eyebrows. And short back hair.

 

However I had parted bangs. One part to the right, and the other flattened down to the rest of the hair.

 

But it made me look nostalgic like.

 

 

It suited me, but at the same time it didn't.

 

 

I took a deep breath, reflecting on my leave out of this hosptial.

 

And as I exited the restroom, I look out to my right as I watch the sky rise with light. A light blue.

 

The sun was coming up.

 

 

Aunt Carol would be here to pick me up.

 

 

I grab my teddy bear and grabbed my backpack too.

 

It was one of the last things I had before I was hauled in here.

 

 

And my outfit, the same as when I was rushed in 2 months ago. I was kind of embarassed to go out looking like this.

 

 

I begged Nurse Nenny to take my money and buy me something new.

 

 

But she refused, and managed to get me a new jean jacket and some other things from the hospital's lost and found.

 

 

Instead, she used the money and bought pizza for the both of us after I was awake from the coma for a few days.

 

That was one of the good things I remember before realizing, U was getting out soon.

 

 

I'm just happy that i'm not going back to school from a place I almost could of died in.

 

 

But I didn't let that happen and so did Nurse Nenny.

 

She said I was lucky to get into surgery right away when the accident happened.

 

 

The damage was done and I had survived the most.

 

But recovery was entirely up to me.

 

 

And I pulled through it, just like the others.

 

 

My yellow shoes trail with me as I walk into the busy hallway of people near the ICU.

 

I walk over to where Nurse Nenny stood talking with nurses.

 

 

I smiled as I passed by, she trots along nearing the elevator.

 

6 floors up in the hospital, and all alone.

 

 

I was almost grown up for once.

 

I felt responsible and put together for once.

 

 

 

''I can't believe it's already time, it's so sad to see you go.'' Nurse Nenny says.

 

She grins as I look back to her, reaching over  to press the button for the elevator.

 

 

Nurse Nenny waits as I stand still. Finally the doors open.

 

 

I walk in, adjusting my backpack straps.

 

Then turning around to face everyone and Nurse Nenny.

 

 

Some doctors and nurses noticed, and some went on their way back to work.

 

The ones I recognized that helped me most of my stay here, waved, then went back to work like usual.

 

 

Nurse Nenny says everyone was hoping and wishing that i'd get better soon.

 

I didn't know Nurse Nenny for long, but it already felt like she was one of my best friends.

 

 

I mean, she took time out of her day and busy schedule to visit and take care of me.

 

She went out of her way to make me feel comfortable while I fell into a deep sleep.

 

 

I guess you can say she's a friend,...just someone looking out for someone.

 

 

''Bye.'' she says.

 

She does a wave as I smile back a little.

 

 

And to think it was just 2 full months in this hospital. I spent most of my beginning of this year in recovery.

 

 

I just hope everyone notices when I come back today.

 

 

I kind of felt like a superhero in those lasting moments going down in the elevator. 

 

I practically survived a coma in as little as 2 months, that's a record the doctors were probably betting on me.

 

 

Nurse Nenny just had to get in on it.

 

 

She won mostly because she spent the most time with me and I had a hunch she'd win when I was in deep sleep.

 

Most of the time I could hear her.

 

 

And most of the time I saw nothing but a pitch black screen of my eyelids.

 

 

And yet in my mind, I still felt alone. Even with Nurse Nenny keeping me company.

 

No one was really there for me.

 

 

Well, except Aunt Carol. She just signed the papers and made sure that I was taken care of.

 

Even in this happy moment of being dismissed, I still felt a little sad.

 

 

My small alternate life built up in this hospital was crashing down. I would no longer be here, surrounded by noise and emergencies and help.

 

 

It was bye bye birdy to the suite life and welcome back to temporary hell.

 

 

As I walk in my thoughts, I exit the building to see Aunt Carol outside in the rising sun.

 

She's waiting for me in the car, just like how I imagined earlier.

 

 

I bite my tongue and make the long but slow walk over. Taking deep breaths, focusing on each step to calm my mind.

 

 

I open the passenger door and sit down. Closing it behind me afterwards.

 

 

There's nothing but silence in the car until Aunt Carol notices.

 

Her eyes widen as she looks to me. It was a like she had seen a dead person come back to life.

 

 

I've gotten tons of looks like that while I passed by patients in the waiting room.

 

It made me feel surperior and strong.

 

 

I defintely looked new-ish.

 

 

Aunt Carol doesn't shy away from her stare, I however look up to her with no response.

 

The sun grazing over my skin makes my hairs stand up, as the sun structures it's way into the dark spots on my face.

 

 

She finally breaks out of the trance as I sat in silence looking forward then back to her.

 

 

''I'm so sorry for staring honey, it's just...so surreal that you're out.'' she says.

 

She forces a laugh but it comes out in a sigh.

 

 

Then Aunt Carol grabs something from the backseat as I watched her nervously move in front of me.

 

''Here's your lunch. I packed it before driving down here. Just the way you like it.'' she says with a grin.

 

 

She hands me the tin metal lunch box i've had since elementary school.

 

I never grew out of it.

 

 

The cover and design used to be spider-man but I colored it over just before school started.

 

But during elementary school, I just went with the flow of it. I didn't care what it looked like.

 

 

Some of the girls back then would give me looks. But Ashley.

 

Ashley apprieciated I finally had something to carry my lunch it. She didn't mind of course.

 

 

She always didn't mind.

 

 

My hands linger around the dark blue-green paint coat on the lunch box. The handle switches around my fingers as I place it on my lap.

 

 

My teddy bear sits on top of it.

 

I felt Aunt Carol continue to stare at me as I continued to look down.

 

 

It probably felt strange to have someone who could have died, back in your hands again.

 

So I kind of get why she's constantly staring at me. Trying to find my lifeless soul again.

 

 

Rebuilding what we had before, even though I know it's not going to come back that easy.

 

Especially since everyone is staring at me so often.

 

 

I hated being looked down on or even looked at.

 

It felt weird and out of place. Like I was fish out of water.

 

 

More like a fish in a bowl when people would stare.

 

 

Mom said I must of been an alien from another planet. Because from where she used to live, being looked at made you slightly famous at the grocery store.

 

 

Having an attraction to be looked at came in handy for events, especially the fair.

 

People would pay big money to see you play games and watch you shine.

 

 

But I didn't appreciate much of that. I hated my looks, but I accepted it.

 

It was what i'm going to have for the rest of my life and I can't change that.

 

 

But i've thought of plasic surgery for when i'm older. Then i'd think of Mrs. Potato Head.

 

 

She was one of my old dolls from when I was younger. I did tons of experiments on her.

 

She was practically porcelain and imperfectly perfect when I was done with her.

 

 

I kept her on my vanity