Where you belong - Samantha Thomas (i have read the book a hundred times .txt) 📗

tears spilt over, and down they poured unrelenting the swam.

“That’s just it, it’s still that day, that fucking day fucked up my life. No-no I fucked up my life…” she cried. Her mouth was curled up and out in utter sorrow, she threw her hands up and around as she spoke threw heartbreaking sobs. I couldn’t believe it, I had NEVER seen her like this and quite frankly I didn’t know this person existed. I was beside myself at her and I didn’t know what to do but I knew that I wanted-no needed to do something and so I reached out to her and grabbed her to my side, much like she had just done with me. And I too let her cry it all out, and I knew with every fiber of my being that, she needed this almost as much as I did if not more…this was not the Ashley I knew. Not even close. Something was terribly wrong and it was so blindingly evident now.

Suddenly she broke free slightly to look me in the face and she said, “I have to tell you something, like it’s really important, and I have been dying to tell you to share with someone I trust-” WOW. I wasn’t expecting that, I never really thought I was her true-real friend just and inconvenient, convenience for her. The Barbie doll always sitting there waiting for her to come along and manipulate whenever she wanted for as long as she wanted.

“Ok, I swear you can tell me and I would never say anything I swear to god Ash.” I assured her gently, sensing the urgency and delicateness of this most enigmatic of situations. On I waited patiently.

“I know thank you. You remember that day at school right? The day I asked you why you were being such a bitch?” as I recall it wasn’t me who the big ol’ bitch was and I clearly remember that day, it was one hell of a day. “Yeah, I do.”

“Yeah, well I know you weren’t being a bitch but I was just going through some major shit like beyond the level of like massive shit.” well shit I wasn’t expecting that either, holy fuck tarts! Maybe she really is different…

“Britney what I’m about to tell you is massive and I know you’re the only one who will understand.” I was beginning to become very unwary and disgruntled at her statements and I nodded on, feeling in my gut that whatever she was going to express was most definitely some massive shit. Maybe just maybe… I’m not really sure what it will do…

She sat up and away from me returning to her former position sitting cross-legged on my hospital bed in front of me and her hands wringing in and out of one another. Her head down tears pouring.

“Britney I got pregnant.”

It was almost like a vacuum sucked me back and through a time portal to that day at school and there she stood right before me walking away. She stopped suddenly and with her head down cupped her belly. She had just told me what deep shit she was in and wasn’t sure when she’d see me again. HOLY SHIT. I cant believe I didn’t see it then, didn’t know that, that was what was up. Shit if anyone should’ve known, it should’ve been me, I was almost ready to pop!

And back through the vacuum time portal suction, going forward back to the present. I blinked and there she sat in front of me, all-not in a mean, bad, or shitty way, but-pathetic. Wow again.

“Oh my god Ashley! Like wow, that is some seriously massive shit…” I put my head down thousands upon thousands of thoughts ripping through the folds of my brain and as I struggled on with a lingering coherent thought, something tickled in the back at what she had said, something was off, but I shook myself free of that thought and on instinct the next thought and most obvious one shot straight out of my mouth without any god damned warning. “Well is it Matt’s? It’s his right? What the hell did he say? OH MY GOD what the hell did Marissa say?!” I was amped up on scared shocked adrenalin, so many questions bombarding my thoughts shocking like tasers in my brain. Her face fell and I immediately knew what I did.

“Look I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to be insensitive, at all. Fuck Marissa, I-I’m-” I stuttered out not sure what I should do, but I was mentally kicking my own ass inside. Most definitely.

“No-no its ok, I mean I don’t think she knows or everyone else would you know. But Matt sure does. He flipped when I told him, he called me a fucking whore, and every other nasty ass name in the book. He said it wasn’t his and all this other shit, said I fucked the whole school. He’s never ever talked to me like that before ya know? He like really, really hurt me. Who am I kidding? He fucking crushed me! I like loved him, really I did. And that wasn’t even the worst part-”

And she broke off, let out a choked sobbing wail of sorts and held her head in her hands while she really cried her eyes out, it was horrible! I didn’t know what to do but even though I didn’t go through that-with my baby dad treating me that way- I still knew what it felt to be treated like that and it hit me so hard and so deeply I found myself just crying much like her. And we did it for a while, I just kept saying “I’m sorry, I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” and then suddenly much like before she sat up and finished the rest of her horrible heartbreaking story.

“So I was home one day-well not one day the 5th of October actually-I’ll get back to that in a bit- and I was just chilling in my room getting ready to go out on an actual date with Matt-it was going to be nice ya know? Not to just find somewhere dark, out of the way to fuck, we were going to go out together and have an actual date, some real fun- when my mom flew into my room screaming her head off.

“What the hell is your problem’ I said to her and she’s like ’What did you do Ashley? What did you do?’ she was nearly hysterical and I was completely dumbfounded and to be honest a little scared, she’s never acted like this before not ever ya know? And so in between her hysterical nonsense mumblings I asked what she was talking about, and she’s all like ’do you have any idea what today is? Aren’t you missing something?’ and as soon as that left her mouth she broke down crying. To say I was stricken fucking dumb was the worlds worst understatement. Dude I was on fucking mars at this point. And obviously it showed on my face and she scowled at me leaving-no stomping out of my room. She went into the bathroom down the hall, I heard some banging around and then she stormed back into my room and threw a package of fucking Always at me. So obviously I yelled ’What the fuck are you throwing fucking pads at me for!’ she shouted back ’don’t you dare use that language young lady! You speak to me with respect or your out of this house! Now use your god given brain and tell me what this godforsaken day is!’

“You’re a goddamned psycho! Get out of my room now! Dad! Dad get this nutcase out of my room! NOW!’ I shouted and when he didn’t come she said, ’He wants nothing to do with you right now, I can promise you that. Tell me what this damn day is young lady!’ getting more and more furious and fed up with her psychoticness I stormed over to my calendar on my wall and read aloud ’October fucking 5th now fuck the fuck off!’ but she wasn’t done not even close. She actually laughed like at me!”

Ashley said as she gestured with her hand at her chest while saying her mother laughed at her and she’s got this smirk on her face but it contains no joy or amusement what so ever, its completely made up of distain and loathing, the kind of smirk a serial killer gets after he’s offered you a ride and you except. I shiver as the sheer fear creeps its way up my back. And then she continues.

“So I face her now, pointing my finger at my door for her ass to make its way through and now, but she smirks this creepy not at all happy smirk and spits ’October 5th huh? What are you missing this day? Or better yet what should you have gotten two days ago but didn’t?’ I stand there my eyes crinkle down in confusion and I just stand there racking my brain for the answer when… BOOM there it is. I felt-no literally listen girl-I fucking felt all the blood drain out of my face. My heart sped up and stopped at the same time, and it became deafening I could hear it and feel it everywhere in my body. And I felt so scared so fucking terrified and I couldn’t breath suddenly, because I speculated what she was implying but yet my mind was seriously denying it all to the max. When I was able to gain control over myself again I stormed back over to my calendar and there circled in red two days prior was the day I was supposed to get my period. The key word being supposed.”

“HOLY SHIT.” I exhaled out whilst my body became a goose bumped oasis. “How did she know?” I managed. And she turned to me now and did that smirk again, and again my back arched in that fear creep way and I shuddered.

“Well, that’s the thing I had no fucking clue, I mean I was absolutely oblivious, so fucking clueless. It was like clockwork with me when it came to my period. The day before I get it, I feel like shit. I eat all the same stuff, bitch way more and the day I actually get it, we go buy me fucking tampons, because I despise pads. Which, was why I was dumbfounded when she threw her fucking pads at me, but then after all that after the major discovery it all made sense. I never started bitching, never asked for my usual monthly cocktail of salty-sweet-chocolatey foods, and then the next day came and we didn’t go fucking tampon shopping. She knew anyways we both get our periods at the same time, some bullshit of woman living together cycle together. What the fuck ever. But I didn’t think it was that bad, that she really checked me out like that.

“And obviously she knows what no period means. I didn’t even know, didn’t feel a thing different. No signs what so ever, not a damn thing, no puking, no nothing. Although I did pee a lot more but only now does that make sense…anyways, again that still isn’t the worst part yet. So obviously mom and dad being so fucking close he already knew just like she did because she cant keep a fucking thought to her fucking self, he already despised me. And then she said, ‘You know, even though everyone always gave me those looks, whispered about you, and that girls mother told me time and time again, I didn’t want to