In Me - Tiffany Anyel (shoe dog free ebook txt) 📗

him. “Okay, yea me too--I need to change,” Paul said as we walked up to the house.

“Kate, can I talk to you?” Hearing my name--and from her no less--I pause at the door, turning to the swing.

There sat Jenn smiling--‘smiling’ at me. Paul looks at me, “I’ll leave you two alone.—I’ll see you down at the beach.” I could only nod my head at him--still quite shocked by this.

He opens the door going inside; I start to walk standing in front of Jenn,—a few feet away. What could she possibly have to say to me?

Just seeing her again brought back how I felt earlier--and depending on what she said I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back—this time. I look at her, “What Jenn?” “I’m sorry, okay?” Jenn said sounding sincere as she looked down playing with her hands.

Okay

, I was not expecting ‘that’ to come out of her mouth. Jenn has never apologized to anyone--least of all me. And she looked so frail and vulnerable, looking at her now.

Jenn always seemed to exert confidence—and a ‘I do what I please-don’t give a fuck about you’ attitude. That was just how she was but now… maybe I had been wrong. Maybe she was even more scared and alone than I was.

Growing up with ‘high-society’ parents couldn’t have been easy. And maybe this was the side that Lee saw--maybe this is the side of her that no one else knew about besides him.

I had always wondered why Lee would be with such a ‘bitch’ but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Lee was his own man,—and if he chose to be with someone, I just always accepted it.—I wasn’t best-friends with his ‘girlfriends’ anyway. So it never really mattered.

I sit down beside her.—To be honest I didn’t really know what to say. I mean I’ve always just ignored her in the past but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. (Even though that would be the ‘ultimate’ revenge for all the shit she’s put me through!)

Call me a sucker but I know what it’s like to make mistakes--hell if we were being honest, I should be apologizing to her too. “Umm… it’s okay,” I heard myself say as I turned to look at her. I even managed a smile.

She glances up at me, “I don’t know why I do… what I do. I guess I’ve just always been a little jealous of you…” She finally said looking down.

“Of me?” I asked a little surprised--okay maybe more than a little.

“Well yea, Kate, you are very pretty--even though I could swear you act like you don’t know it. I mean I think you could use some more make-up--not that you need it or anything, but you know me ‘the make-up queen’—it’s one of my talents,” She said stifling a laugh.

I found myself laughing with her, “Well thanks,—and so are you. Very pretty I mean.” She was.—She could probably tone down on the make-up a little—but that’s probably because I never really liked to wear it.

Jenn was beautiful--she had it all. The clear—‘unblemished’ skin, the ‘fit’ body--she probably had her own personal trainer. And not to mention her light brown,—streaked blonde hair, and gorgeous blue eyes.

It’s like I was looking at her for the first time.—Before I couldn’t get past her bitchyness but now… seeing her like this, I can see why Lee liked her--maybe even loved her. Even though that’s a little hard for me to swallow,—but I bet it’s true.

“Lee adores you,—you know,” Jenn said looking up at me, “That’s probably another reason I give you such a hard time. I know he cares for you. I can see it in his eyes. And I know... you feel the same,” Jenn finally said looking down.

I smile at her, “Yea I do. And he cares for you too, you know. But that’s Lee though—‘Mr. Sensitive’,” I finally said looking down,—smiling. Jenn stifles a laugh, “Yep he is that.”


****


After getting ready,—I walk down to the beach. I decided I was ready to just be ‘me’--nothing more, nothing less.

I didn’t feel the need to ‘prove’ anything to anyone--most of all myself. And I no longer felt the need to hide--or be too ‘out there’. No, I realized I was somewhere in between and I liked it. So I wore the plain rustic orange piece,—it was simple--like me.

And after me and Jenn’s… ‘moment of peace’(Yea I know) I had let go of a lot of my own insecurities and fears.—Sharing with her, seeing a different side to her--helped me. Who knew?

I sure as hell didn’t. Jenn would have been the last person--better yet she wouldn’t have even made the list of people I thought would have impacted my life. But she did.

I guess that’s life for you. I guess in the end we are all the same--looking for acceptance, looking for love. And finding it in yourself,—I’ve realized is the first step.

As I approach I see Paul, John, and Sam playing around in the water. “Hey, she’s here!” John said as he saw me stepping in.

“Hey guys! Oh god it is cold,” I said as I came closer to them. “It warms up—and then it just feels too good,” Sam said laughing as she splashed John with water. “Hey cut it out! Oh yea…” John said as he dunked Sam head under water.

“I thought you were working the booth John?” I finally asked teasingly. “I told them I had put in all the volunteer hours I was going to.—I was so ready to get out of there. I couldn’t deal with any more whiny kids!,” John said laughing.

Laughing with him, I feel Paul come up behind me,—holding me. He leans over whispering in my ear, “You look good enough to eat.” Taken aback a little I smile up at him and bend down splashing his face with water.

I had been playing around with everyone,—having fun. Making sure not to get too close to Paul--I didn’t want to lead him on any more than I already have.

I enjoyed his company,—but if I were being honest with myself… I wanted to be with Lee. And I could no longer hide that--I no longer wanted to.

But Paul has been relentless--making sure he was always next to me, touching me at random times--in different places. I didn’t want to ruin the mood by being to forward but I had started to feel a little uncomfortable about his own ‘forwardness.’

I wished Lee was here, but I hadn’t seen him since… our fight at the carnival. Maybe he left? Or maybe he even decided I just wasn’t worth the effort.

It pained me to think that way but now that I ‘accepted’ that I had feelings for him. I couldn’t help feeling a little vulnerable about what might happen between us. Did he still want to be with me?

It would be my luck,—now that I had let go… of my fear, he had decided he didn’t want to. If I could just see him again, all I would need to do is look in his eyes and I’d know in that instant--if he still felt the same. “What you thinking about?” Paul asked as he came up to me,—holding me from behind.

I pull away turning around, “Oh nothing...just how much I’m going to miss the beach. I think I may be spoiled a little,” I finally said smiling at him.

“Are you saying I’ve spoiled you?” Paul said as he wrapped me in his arms holding me close. Before I could react,—he brings his hands down touching my ass, “I like spoiling you.”

I move his hands away--stepping back, “I think I’m ready to get out of this water. I’m starting to look all prune-y,” I finally said turning around,—walking out of the water.

I didn’t know if it was just tonight or just the way he was.—Maybe he was like this with all his ‘conquest’ as John put it--but I didn’t like it.

I probably was reading too much into,—but he was becoming a little too ‘handsy’ for my taste. “Where did Sam and John go?” I asked as we made it to shore.

“Oh they went to get some food,—they should be back soon. Sam wanted a little ‘late night snack’ on the beach. Oh there they are…” Paul finally said spotting John and Sam carrying a basket and some blankets.

“Oh okay, that sounds like fun,” I said as they approached. I could definitely eat something. I hadn’t been able to eat earlier--watching ‘Lee and Jenn’. And at least Sam and John would be here. I knew if it would have just been me and Paul,—I would have definitely told him no.

We had all been silently munching--I was so hungry. “Hey guys, wow,—this looks good,” Jenn said sitting down grabbing some fruit.

Hearing footsteps behind me and knowing who it was--my heart starts pounding and I couldn’t concentrate on eating. Feeling incredibly nervous as I watched his footsteps,—then his waist, as he finally sat down in front of me.

I hadn’t looked up since I felt him--even though it took all I had not to. I missed his face.

Finally looking up, I meet his eyes. And I am hit with how much I am in love with him all over again. There was no one else--just us, as we both sat there staring at each other.

He playfully sticks his tongue out, smiling at me. Feeling myself stifle a laugh, I do the same. I am so in love with Lee and it took me falling in love with myself to finally see that. And looking in his eyes I knew he felt the same--I don’t know why I even doubted ‘us’.

For the first time I watch him look away--and everyone else comes back into focus. Sam and Jenn were laughing with each other, and I saw John on the phone.

I finally notice what Lee was looking at--more like who, as Paul came walking back sitting down next to me. I hadn’t even noticed him gone.

“Sorry about that,” Paul said looking at me. I watch him look and notice Lee,—he smiles turning to me, “Do you want anything else to eat? I could get it for you.” “Thanks but I’m okay,” I said smiling at him. I knew what Paul was up to, but it didn’t matter. I also knew who my heart belonged to.

“Hey guys, how about we take one more swim? I mean who knows when we will be together again—like this. What do you guys think?” Sam asked as she looked at everyone. “What do you think babe,—you want to?” Jenn said looking at Lee.

Babe? They were still together? I had silently hoped he would have I dunno… told her about us or told her something… And I had thought since this was the first time they weren’t sitting right next to each other--maybe something did happen between them.

I mean normally Jenn made sure to keep Lee right under her nose. But no… he was still stringing her along--and after I had told him how I felt about it--I look at Lee.