Last Words - zzmbrashear (icecream ebook reader TXT) 📗

I am going to give up on guys and life. What the point. You always get hurt. It may be fun for a while but it never lasts, so whats the point.

June 8, 2010

Its been a while because I needed to think over what I was going to do. I couldn’t stay here. I needed a change.
“I’m leaving.” I pushed out during diner. He was sitting next to me in front of the tv. He gave me a look. Like he wanted to say what the hell. I want to go away. I cant stay with him. I want to but..... He loves me and I love him.... but not the same way. I cant keep staying. He has hope, that one day I will say those words but.... I cant.
“Jilly don’t say that.” He said. He wiped his face and then stood up.
“I cant stay here with you anymore.” I paused for a second. “When I look in your eyes I see hope that I will someday love you. Brandon please... You have to understand.. I need to go home. I want to stay but I cant see the hope in your eyes when....... I’m not sure it may be fulfilled. I’m sorry.” He went into our room. He laid on our bed. I went in packed up my things then went down to say goodbye to Marty.
“I’m finally leaving.” I told him.
“I’m going to miss you girly.” He said while giving me a hug.
“Thank you for all you have done for me.” I said. He looked my way.
“Stop it. If anything you have helped me. If it wasn’t for you talking to the Mrs. she would have moved out.” He chuckled.
“I’m going home to my Mom and her boyfriend.” I said quietly.
“I know.” He said.
“What?” I asked. How could he know.... I wasn’t sure.
“I’ve seen your picture on the news but didn’t want to say anything because I was your age once and I know what it feels like to just want to get away.” He said. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and whispered goodbye. He turned around and walked away. I’m going to miss him. He was there for me so many times and I could never repay him.
I went back to my room and Brandon wasn’t there. Everything of his was gone except for a note addressed to me.
Jillian My Love,

At this point you have noticed I have left.
I am sorry but I couldn’t see you walk away.
To see you with your back towards me and you leave, to walk out that door, to never come back.
I wouldn’t be able to do that.
I cant say goodbye.
I cant see you leave. I am writing this letter to you to tell you I am sorry.
I know that you will never love me like you love Eric.
I understand that.
I just wanted you to know that I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
Please forgive me.
I love you,
my Jilly.


He is the only one who called me Jilly and when he did a tear rolled down my cheek. In some way I was relieved but he did love me and I threw him away. I couldn’t think of it anymore. I got on my bike and went home. When I got there my Mom ran out with Kyle. She jumped in my arms.
“You’ve come back! I love you! I love you! Don’t ever do that to me again!” She mumbled between squeezing my guts out. When I pulled away I saw something different about her. Kyle put his arm around her and she held her stomach and thats when my suspicious were correct. I couldn’t act mad. I needed to show her I have matured. So I ran to her and congratulated her.
“Oh my. I’m so happy for you guys. Is it a boy or girl?” I asked try to be happy. She was surprised. I guess she would think I would act differently and I wanted to.
“She is a girl. We are going to name her Marie Rae Smith. We want her to have the same last name as you.” Kyle said. He wasn’t a bad guy. I know he wants to move but my Mom deserves to be happy so I will move for her.
“Jill I know you don’t want to move so--” My Mom started to say but I cut her off.
“No! I want to move. I’ve changed my mind. They gave me a very surprised look.
“Okay.” Kyle said. “Then its settled.” He finished. My Mom literally jumped into his arms and they started kissing until he fell but they didn’t stop kissing.
“Thats great well I’m going to be in my room.” I said while grabbing my bags and going to my room. They laughed but hardly even took a breath.

I was going through my bags and I found a picture of Brandon and me. We were at the pool in the back of the Hotel. He was holding me in his arms. That was a really great memory, but he is gone. Then I took out the neckless Eric gave me. I thought about the day he gave me it. It was when we first met. The memories of them were so special to me....... why do I keep pushing them away.....


June 15, 2010

I have been packing for a week. Chicago seems so far away. I don’t want to leave but they have left me and I don’t know what is left for me here.

June 16, 2010

Well I’m finally here. Its a big city. My first day of school is today. At least its some what in the beginning of the year so I’m not that far behind. The girls here seem so mean. In my school there were really no “clicks” so to speak. Here there is clicks. They look at you like your from a different world. I want to be invisible. I don’t want to be the main attention. A group of girls and there boyfriends came up to me.
“Hi. I’m Lauren and this is Chris. And this is Jake and Lindsey. And this is Margot and Kyle. And this is Alexis and Jason. And this is Karen and Aden. And last but not least this is Caleb. You must be Jillian, right?” She asked me. I think they came on too strong. They seemed nice but I was kinda scared how they all had boyfriends.
“Yes.” I answered very nervously.
“Great.” She paused for a while. “Would you like to sit with us for lunch?” She asked.
“Yeah. Sure. Does any of you have Algebra 2?” I asked. They shook there heads.
“We are not that smart.” Lauren said and chuckled then I boy with semi long brown wavy hair came up to me.
“I have algebra 2. Would you like me to walk to class with you?” He asked and I shook my head yes. He was very cute and I remember that Lauren said his name was Aden. When we walked to class he tried to make small talk.
“So why did you move to Chicago?” He asked.
“Mother got a new boyfriend. She is pregnant now and really I just needed to get away.” I paused for a second. “For a while.” I finished. He nodded his head to show that he was still listening. “So why does practically everyone here have boyfriends?” I asked. I knew it was rude but It was bugging me and I wanted to know.
“I’m not sure.” He laughed and so did I then he stopped walking. “Well here we are.” He said pointing to the door labeled math 2. I really liked Aden. He is down to earth and normal pretty much. I sat with them during lunch. I sat next to Caleb and Aden. This school was nothing like mine. I’m use to being the go to girl because no one hated me but now I don’t know anyone.

June 23, 2010

Its been about a week since being in Chicago and I’m beginning to like it. We are all really good friends. Everyone comes to my house about every single day. My room gets so crowded. I hang with Aden and Caleb more than every one else. The girls are really nice. I have grown the closest to Lauren. I’ve told her everything..... Including my past. She’s understanding. Today is the field day. Its a day when everyone goes out side and has to do certain events. Its really funny to watch the other kids do them. Lauren showed me a place where we could hide so we wouldn’t have to do them. It was under the bleachers. When we got there we saw Chris kissing Margot. Lauren flipped. I don’t know how Margot could do this to her. Lauren was so nice to her and Lauren loves Chris. She would jump off a bridge for him.
“Chris? Margot?” Lauren said trying to hold back her tears. Chris turned around from making out with Margot. He knew it was her voice that he heard. He let got of Margot and she fell to the ground.
“Lauren! Its not what it looks like!” Chris started to freak out. Lauren couldn’t take it. She couldn’t look one of her best friends in they eye when she just took her boyfriend. Lauren ran out and sprinted to her car. I chased after her screaming her name. When she got to her car her doors were locked so she tried to put the keys in the door but she dropped them. I had to shake her out of the phase she was in.
“Lauren! Listen to me. It will be okay. You don’t need him. But if you think you feel bad remember we need to tell Kyle.” I tried to calm her down. We both went to go see Kyle. He had a right to know. We found him playing the soccer event. That was his sport and he was so good at it. We called him away from the game and sat with him in the grass. Lauren was first to speak.
“We caught Margot and Chris under the bleachers.” Lauren said to him but he didn’t seem to grasp what she was saying. “They cheated on us, Kyle.” Then he knew what we meant. He put his head on his hand and stood up.
“I’m going to take a walk.” He said and started to kick up the grass and cuss under his breath. I knew he didn’t want any company but he needed someone.
“Kyle, are you okay?” I asked.
“Its okay Jillian, I will be fine.” He was still cussing.
“Your not the only one that was hurt. Lauren knows how you feel. She needs you just as much as you need her.” I told him.
“I know but I am in shock. Just a second a go she was giving me a kiss before my soccer event. I’m going to go to Lauren.” He said and turned away from the walk and ran to Lauren who was still sitting in the grass. I saw him sit down and her lay her head on him and I could see her crying. I feel so bad for her...and him. I suppose that Caleb saw me still walking alone so he ran to keep me company.
“I can’t believe that they would do that to them.” He started the conversation with.
“Yeah. Its so sad.” I told him.
“So, if your not doing anything would you like