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to go on a-?” Caleb started to say but I cut him off.
“Caleb, please don’t.” I said.
“Oh. Sorry. I just was--” He started to say but I cut him off again.
“Its not that. Its just you know me and understand me. I don’t want to ruin our relationship. A friend I know from my old home and I started to date and we were never the same. I don’t want that to happen to us.” I made it clear. I knew he thought it was ockward but I didn’t know any other way to say it.
“I understand.” He said.
I felt so bad for turning him down but I see how Brandon and I ended and I just couldn’t relive that.
June 24, 2010

So Mom wakes me up today with my favorite cake. Chocolate with cream cheese frosting. I almost forgot it was my birthday. Lauren was with Kyle, my moms boyfriend, and Caleb. I felt so weird because my hair was a mess. I thought it was so sweet that they were all there. I blew out my candles and made a wish. Its been over a month since I thought about Eric but there was something that made me think of him then. At that moment. I wished that I could see him one last time. When I stood up I looked at the doorway and saw him. I ran and he caught me. I hugged him and wouldn’t let him go.
“Eric? Are you really here?” I asked while letting my self to the ground because I guess my weight wasn’t exactly light.
“Yes Jillian. Happy birthday.” He said. Lauren looked my way and smiled. Eric didn’t look very happy. I know when we last talked I didn’t want it to be my last words to him. Eric and my eyes locked. Caleb didn’t look happy but he tried to smile. I knew Caleb wanted me and now he knew one of the reasons why I couldn’t. I seemed like forever since I last saw him and I have thought about this a few times but now that its here I have no idea what to do. I looked away from his eyes. Caleb came up to me and gave me a hug.
“Happy Birthday girl!” He said during the hug. I don’t know why but for some reason I thought he was giving Eric dirty looks over my shoulder.
“So, how bout we go and celebrate. How bout to the beach?” I asked and everyone agreed.
The guys are in the water with my parents and Lauren and I are talking while tanning.
“Whats it like?”She asked me.
“I can’t put it in words.” I said.
“He’s cute.” She stated to break the silence. We both laughed. “Are you two getting back together?”
“No. He left because of Brandon and seeing him now.” I paused. “I don’t know.”
“You know, your mother is the one who called him to come.” She said. I had no idea she was the one who called him. I saw her sitting with Kyle with there feet in the water so I approached them and Kyle knew I needed to talk to her.
“I’m going to get a drink.” He said getting up so we could have privacy.
“Why?” I asked.
“When you came back, you weren’t the same. You weren’t that happy girl I use to know. You need him.” She said. I looked at Eric in the water. He was hanging with Karen, Aden, Jake, Lindsey, Kyle, Alexis, Jason, and Caleb. Laure had already introduced them to Eric so he was getting use to them. He looked happy. I didn’t want to ruin that by being with him again. I got up and sat alone to think. Caleb came over to me.
“You look sad. Whats wrong?” He asked.
“Honestly, I have no idea.” I replied.
“Its Eric. I know you love him. He loves you too. Its okay. You deserve someone special.” He said. I looked at him. I knew this was one of those moment that we would kiss so instead I gave him a passionate hug. I saw Eric watching. He looked like he just got hit with a bus. Caleb went in for a kiss and I couldn’t push him away. That would be too mean. I let him kiss me. I knew I was going to regret it but I did. It didn’t last too long but it did happen and Eric saw. I was surprised. When we pulled away I went in for another kiss. I had no idea what I was doing. We kissed longer that time. Eric came over to break us up because I suppose we were making out.
“Hey Caleb, do you want to play a game of volley ball?” Eric asked looking very jealous. I smiled and touched my lips. I wanted to apologize but I didn’t. I wanted Eric but I just blew it. After I went back to my house Eric stayed there in the guest bedroom. Before I went to bed Eric came to see me in my room.
“Jillian. I’m sorry for leaving.” He said while sitting at the foot of my bed. “Will you give me a second-” I stopped him. I couldn’t let him finish the sentence.
“No.” I said. He wont change. He was right. Brandon would have been better for me but I can’t keep doing this. Caleb and Brandon really love me and I throw them away for Eric, a boy no more than an bump in the road. He couldn’t believe my answer.
“Its Caleb, isn’t it?” He asked.
“No. I can’t keep doing this. Not now. I think you should leave tomorrow.” I said. I knew my Mom was listening at the door because I heard her gasp when I said that. “Goodbye.” I said. He looked me in the eye and said I love you. I saw a tear trickle down his face. Eric went back to his home the next morning. He left before I even woke up. Lauren was still there because she spent the night. We talked in the morning.
“Did he really?” She asked after I told her he asked me to give him another chance.
“Yeah but I said no and told him I thought he should leave tomorrow.” I told her. She stood up and gave me a hug.
“I knew you could do it.” She said.
I still think about his last words to me because they mean so much but all it took was to move to a different place and find real friends that helped me find my way. They taught me I didn’t need a boy friend. All I need is my best friends. Imprint

Publication Date: 06-14-2011

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