Colonel Chuckles - Scorpio *** (best classic romance novels .TXT) 📗

the wily   Col approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my pension check this month an I am unable to give you more than Rs 5 Will that be okay?""A lousy 5 Rupee note? The drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for   Rs 5 you're nuts! No way, Sir . We quit!"

 

Col and his wife lived happily there after !

 

Col’s Tweet

 

I was always taught to respect my elders, But it keeps getting harder to find one.

 

 

 

 

91; Boomerang !

 

 

Col was taking the coy darbar and he was talking about a petty theft case that happened in the unit lines. After giving an elobortae bhasahn in chaste hind about the quality called honesty he said

 

”you should not necessarily regard   the accused as some one untruthful because he changed his statement from one which he had previously given at the time of initial investigation Ok ! For example when I entered my office today I was pretty sure I had my gold watch in my wrist, but when I looked for time it was not there!. For a moment I was bewildered ! Then I remembered that I left it on the bedside table last night in my bed room. So it happens some times . you have to give that allowance when you investigate Ok”

Feeling very happy that he gave a good piece of advice to his men Col returned home. As soon as he reached his wife asked him,

 

“Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn’t sending three men to get it a bit crazy?

 

“What?” said the Col “I didn’t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people; what did you do?”

“I gave it to the first one,” said the wife. “He knew exactly where it was.”

 

 

 

Col’s Tweet

 

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.”

 

 

 

 

92  Col’s Wit

 

This was told to me by one of Col’s relatives. So veracity not guaranteed!

 

Old man at 92, Col’s uncle, lying on his deathbed called him, his lawyer,   his doctor, and his manager. "I am going to die tonight," and I want to prove that when I go to heaven I can take it all with me. So to my four most trusted friends, you four of course, I am leaving Rs 1 Lakh each in four envelopes.. When I die you must come to my funeral and put these envelopes with me in my coffin. Ok .Hope I can trust you as ever! “

The old man handed the four men four identical envelopes

A week later they each received   the news that, that previous night the old man had died . So each knew they must go to his funeral and fulfill his death wish. In the funeral   all four gentlemen respectfully placed one envelope each as the old man wished.

After the funeral was over and when every one was peeling off the lawyer confessed, " I can't hide what I've done. I took Rs 50,000 from the envelope because my office needed to be painted. The balance is in the envelope which I kept”

As the lawyer said so the doctor started to sweat and finally confessed “I took Rs 70,000 from my envelope because the hospital needed a new geriatric wing, a noble cause I thought”,

Then the manager said in a very low voice ” I am sorry I took Rs 80,000 for admission of my son to Engg College. Balance 20000 is in the envelope”.  

Col did not want to be left behind. He said “ You! all three are cheats. You broke the trust the old man had in you!   Of course I spent Rs 1 lakh to get a pearl jewelry for my wife on her birthday yesterday. But true to my words, I have written a cheque for full Rs 1 Lakh and it is in the envelope which I   putthe coffin . How could you think to cheat a such an old man? He must be rolling in his grave poor man ! May his soul rest in peace”

 

 

Col’s Tweet

 

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

 

 

 

93   Genuine question!

 

On a Sunday morning again my mobile rang! I knew it was Col . I did not answer and pulled my rajai over my head. The mob won’t stop , kept on ringing intermittently.

 

I cursed my stars and picked it up ! Col was, sure enough, on the other side. He said “ Mate! we are going on a drive today to Indore ok. Get ready fast and reach my home by 9 sharp.

 

“ Boss aren’t u going for golf today? “

 

“f… the golf this is more important . pick up your 78 model Lambretta and reach here by 9 ok “

 

I had no escape route . Reached his home at 8 59 sharp.

 

“ Mate! today we are going to meet that idiot of a thief who stole my wife’ wallet from our wardrobe in the bed room day before. Indore police has caught him . I have to ask him a really an important question “

 

“ Boss! that police will ask him and find out the details why the hell

you & me run around in this Sunday morning when you should be playing Golf and me playing Mahjong with my wife at home! She has a tournament in kitty party on Tuesday’ “

 

“ No yar You don’t’ know it is very important ok “.

 

With in another hour we were in Indoor and at the police station near the Yashwant cinema.

 

Col sab in his inimitable style positioning his golf cap in place and fixing the gold rimmed specs on its place went to the desk ok the SHO , me following. He told the SHO.

“ Look Inspector I have to speak to that idiot for two minutes is it ok ? “

“ Sorry Sir we cant permit that. Sir you will get the chance in the court, we are producing him tomorrow”

 

Col argued “ No no nothing about the wallet . I just want to know from him how he got into my bedroom without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

 

I stood in bewilderment!

 

Col’s Tweet

 

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

 

 

94: Cock & bull Story

 

This is a a cock & bull story Col told me once ! Knowing him well I never took it serious! But he swears by Guruvayoorappan “ hi Mate Guruvayoorappanae Satyam It actually happened “

 

Col says “ On one late night when I was about to go to bed I heard   some noises from my garage and discovered that some prowlers in the garage.

 

I immediately called 100 and gave my address and a report on the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator from 100 at the other end said

 

“Sir are they in your house?" I said they were not ,but in my garage and intention may be to remove some valuable items like car radio from the car or car itself.”

 

The operator said there were no jeeps available at this late hour. We will send some one in the morning Sir”   I thanked him for his prompt reply!   But waited till I finish counting 60 and called 100 again.

 

I told the operator who picked up thone now “Well u needn’t to hurry I had my gun and finished off both of them”

 

Believe me ! with in 5 minutes two police jeeps arrived followed by an ambulance and a fire engine arrested the two thieves from the garage. The Police Inspector came to me and asked sheepishly “ Sir you said you had shot them all!"

 

I answered “ Yes I did bcos your control room said no jeeps available   I had no other way Inspector “

 

You may still give 20 % discount to the whole story !

 

 

Col’s Tweet

 

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

 

 

 95 Drinking Col’s Style

 

Col, any one who knows him will definitely appreciate his sense of humour.

On a Saturday evening we were on our drinking spree in the MCTE Mess. Col told me “ Mate this No 1 Mr Morris make us flat every day I don’t like his stone like face with no expression .Today I am going to make him flat .You just watch out”

We went to the bar and sat on those good old high stools in front of the bar table. He asked Morris ‘ four large on four glasses with one soda spilt on the four ok”

Morris, with the stone face placed all four glasses in a row as ordered.

I ordered “ one large with one soda OK”

Col downed all the four glasses one by one quickly. Then said “ Morris now three large and one soda split ok”

Morris lined up another three large in three glasses . Col downed them all with great ease. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders another two with one soda split . Morris, still not impressed,   promptly produced another two,   One after the other, Col knocked them off too

"Now one double large with half soda ok” Morris, still keeping cool filled one double large as ordered. Col sat there starring at that last glass for about 5 minutes trying to focus!. Then told Morris ” Morris! people get drunk when they drink more and more ok. But the funny thing is that l get drunk as I drink less and and less”

 

Morris was not Flat! . He just nodded. Of course   I was flat!

 

 

Col’s Tweet

 

Remember half the people you know are below average, but you don’t belong to the other half too

 

 

96  At times Col is brilliant!

 

This happened when he was a young Major. On a Saturday evening we all collected in the MCTE mess. We are having pleasant evening over a bottle of then famous BK kind courtesy Morris the ever serious NO 1. To our dismay a young beautiful woman may be in her twenties entered the bar and quietly sat in one corner gliding through the pages of a spiral bound notebook. Col gave a serious look at her and told us “ hi she is really cute! I am going to have word with her” Before we could say any thing to him Col trotted in his inimitable style towards the young beauty and asked her in a low voice “   "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

 

She looked at Col with anger flashing in her face and yelled at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

 

By now, the entire bar was staring at him! Dazed and completely embarrassed Col sunk back to his table.

 

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes with a charming smile. She said in a cool voice “ Sir, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a research   student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

 

We looked at the Col who responded at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean Rs 5000     oh that is too much”

 

Col's  Tweet

 

"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again,   there  are thunder and lightning."

 

 

 

 97  Command is tough!

 

When Col got his command he was in tension a bit s to how to command a regiment of more than 900 people. He asked me “ Mate! what should I do to command this regiment effectively” I had no answer to give him so I suggested To meet   Col Anand whowas the Co of an Arty regt for the last two years and take his advice.

 

Col wasted no time driving down to Col Anand;s office . Over the hot cup of tea he asked   Col Anand “ Sir, how do you command your regt so effectively wiinng the GOC’s trophy for the best Regt.Are there... any tips you