Colonel Chuckles - Scorpio *** (best classic romance novels .TXT) 📗

can   probably share with me ?”

 

Col Anand feeling elevated steadied up his Godrej treated mustache said ‎"Well, the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Col frowned, and then asked, " Sir But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" Col Anand took another sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." Then pushed a button on his intercom. His Adjuatant Cpt Padmanabhan ansered “ yes Sir”

 

“ See Paddy! “ Col ……..   is here will you send 2Ic in here See More send Tony Blair in here?” “Wilco Sir”

 

In two minutes Major Gill, the tall and heavily buit sradr walked in. He wished both Cols good morning and stood waiting. Col anand smiled and asked “ Paaji answer me this please OK . Pajji your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Sardar though for a while and abwsweted "That would be me. Sir " "Yes! Very good," said Col Anand . Then turned to Col and asked “ got me?”

 

Col nodded in affirmative and drove back to ythe regt in the double speed . He called me in intercom “ mate Come here Ihave talked to Col Anand . It is the people who matters . I willdemonsrtrate to you”. I went to his office as fast as I could. He called the newly posted 2IC Major Sadasivan   and asked him “ Saddy! answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

 

"I'm not sure," said sadyy after thinking for about three long minutes. “Sir "let me get back to you on that one...in half hour Sir" He vanished and got hold of   his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ran into to the TOT Capt   Dharmpal Singh whos is supposed to be the brain of the Regt. Saddy asked “ Dharamplaji can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Dharampal answered in a flash "That's easy, so easy Sir, Theoretically It is Me! Practically I am not sure 100 percent”

 

Saddy smiled and thanked him and came back to Col’s office. “ Sir I have found the answer for that interesting rriddle Sir . It is Dharampal the TOT 99.9 pervcent.

 

Col was fuming . He shouted t the the top of his voice “ No! You idiot! It's

Maj Gill, the tall sradar”

 

I could hear his soliloquy “I am doomed . with these stooges how am I going to command the Regt!”

 

Col's Tweet

 

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

 

 

 

 

98 This happened too !

 

This happened when we were doing YOs course in MCTE, Mhow. We three, Col ( then Lt you see ) , Lobo and myself were stumbling back to the mess on late night from DSOI after polishing off one full bottle of Hercules XXX. On those days our conveyance was the bicycle and we knew none of us was   in a position to pedal and hence decided to walk back leaving the cycles at DSOI. After some time we found ourselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

 

"Come have a look over here," says Lobo " It's Michael O'Grady's grave, and God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

 

"That's nothing Lobo” said I "here's one named Patrick   Thomas, it says here that he was 95 when he died."

 

We heard nothing for a while from Col. We saw him staring at something and yelled at us “hi, how can that be? She should have been cremated not buried and that too at the age of 145. Can’t believe”

 

“Whose is that? Asked Lobo. He stumbled around a bit lighted a match and read loud the writing on the stone “ Jhansi 145”

 

Col's Tweet

 

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

 

 

 

99  Morning Walk

 

One fine morning Col was on his walk along the high way when he saw two men on the side of the road side eating grass.

 

Some light flashed in his brain, he stopped the car and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

 

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," Col said showing lot of empathy on his face. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." The man said

"Bring them along," Col replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also." The second  man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife  and two children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," Col answered “Ok all of you follow me ok!

Nearing his house the one of the poor fellows turned to him and said “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Col replied "Glad to do it. My wife will be pretty happy to see u all. You'll really love my place too. The grass is almost a foot high"

 

 

Col’s Tweet

 

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines  

 

 

100 : Col’s Nooram Thirumurivu

 

Today is Sunday! Rain pours dogs & cats. Great feeling to be under the quilt and look through the window enjoying the silence of the rain!

 

Suddenly the mob rang !   Col’s name flashed on the small screen! ‘The Sunday is gone!’ I thought myself. I answered him.

 

“ Boss! Come what may I am not going to drive down 6 kms in this rain to reach you OK”

 

“ Mate! It’s Ok! You don’t get out even from your quilt and search for your Rajasthani Lungi which you are very proud of. But you have to listen to me!”

 

“Boss I will call you back later!” I knew he was going to murder me for another half an hour!

 

“No! I want to tell you my success story now! Otherwise I can’t enjoy my golf today”

 

"Boss! This is going to be the last time you boring with your stupid stories early in the morning Ok. I assure you.   Ok. Go ahead now!”

 

“ Yesterday I proved to my wife what I am. “

 

“ What? At this age? “

 

“ Not that Mr. Idiot! Listen Ok” He said irritatingly.

 

“Yesterday when I was returning from my office a poor beggar toddled in front of my car. He was really in very miserable shape. I had to stop.

 

‘Sir I didn’t have anything for last four days. Give me some money for a meal, a meal Sir’ He was begging

Suddenly a brain wave hit me. I asked him ‘Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes’

The beggar responded, ‘No Sir, I don't. Smoking causes cancer. I am just hungry and want food.’

Then I asked again ‘Do you drink? I have a bottle of good Baccardi in my dash board, I could give you’

The beggar replied, ‘No, I don't drink Sir, Drinking alcohol ruins the family I am just hungry and need food’

Finally I asked him ‘Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races at Mahalaxmi tomorrow’

The beggar again replied, ‘No I’m not in gambling Sir, It causes bankruptcy! I am just hungry and want some food’

Then I told him ‘Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home’

 

‘Will you come with me?’ I asked. He nodded in affirmative; I could see a ray of hope in his tired eyes.

 

‘Hop in’ I got him in my car and drove him to my home.

 

Reaching home, I introduced the beggar to my wife. Stunned, my wife asked me ‘Oh my God! What the hell are you going to do with this man? Are you going to invite him to live with us, eat our food, and wear our clothes?’

 

I replied triumphantly to my ever bragging wife ‘No, of course not Hon!   I just wanted to show you what happens to a man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble. Now give him some food and send him away’ ”  

No need to tell you; I was floored!

 

 

 

Col’s last Tweet

 

God bless you for patiently reading thru all this Bullshit! AmeeeeeeeN !

 

 

About Scorpio

 

 

  

 Scorpio is the pen name of Col GPV Nair,  a veteran of Indian Army. An Electrical Engineer from College of Engineering, Trivandrum,  joined Corps of Signals in 1968 & served the Corps till 1992 when he took voluntary retirement from Army due to personal reasons. A graduate from the Defence Services Staff College, Wellington, also holds Masters Degree in Defence Studies from the Madras University.

 

While in the Army held important appointments like Joint Director, Project Management Cell, Army Headquarters, Colonel (Adm) of an active Infantry Division & Colonel (Electronic Warfare) with Army Training Command apart from the basic job of a communicator in the Corps of Signals .

 

After retirement, served as General Manager (HRD &  Projects) for about five years with a leading manufacturing firm in Trivandrum. Since 2000 working as freelance consultant on Corporate Planning & Administration, Project Management & Higher Education. Settled in Trivandrum, spends spare time in reading, writing, blogging, playing bridge and making new friends.

 

Address 

 

 Col GPV Nair (Retd)

B5, Alsa Parkdale Apartments

Vanchiyoor PO

Trivandrum- 6950 35

Tele 0471 2450988, Mob : 9847452450

Email: gpvnair@gmail.com

Blog : gpvnair.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imprint

Publication Date: 06-04-2015

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
Dedicated to Late Lt Gen SK Pillai PVSM. AVSM