The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

representative, confidential advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.

On the morning of the weddingday he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.

He breakfasts with the groom, and together they drive to the church.

CALLS. He should call on the bride’s mother within two weeks after the ceremony, and also on the married couple upon their return from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the chancel, and stands by his side till the bride appears, when he receives the groom’s hat and gloves, and stands a little way behind him. When the clergyman bids the bride and groom join hands, he gives the ring to to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom’s carriage and to return him his hat. He signs the register, if a witness is needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.

Especially is this a good arrangement if the best man has to walk with the maid of honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride’s home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with the boutonniere, he should go to her house on the weddingday to have her put it in the lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.

See also GROOM-DRESS.

EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the groom, and in matters of expense this should be borne in mind.

REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other details deemed suitable for publication.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts the maid of honor, and they are usually seated at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands with the married couple, and is introduced to the guests.

WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the point of destination, and is in honor bound not to betray it, save in case of emergencies.

He should see that the married couple leave the house without any trouble, and if the station is near, he should go in a separate carriage (provided by the groom) to personally attend to all details. He is the last one to see the married couple, and should return to the house to give their last message to the parents.

BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.

BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should extend to her all the courtesies practised when riding or driving with her, such as allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous places, riding on the side nearest obstacles, etc.

MEN—DRESS. A man should wear the regulation suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all eccentricities of personal taste.

BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH—HOW ADDRESSED.

An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship’s most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Lord Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain, my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope: To the Right Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.

BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson, and ends: I remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of, Montana.

BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)—HOW ADDRESSED. An official or social letter begins. Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of Ohio.

BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration should either wear no bonnet or remove it when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.

BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the bride is furnished by the groom, who should also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.

BOWING

MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of her house, he bows and retires as the door is opened.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat on closing the door.

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.

In elevators, when women are present, the hat should be removed.

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing a woman should raise his hat.

Men do not raise their hats to one another, save out of deference to an elderly person, a person of note, or a clergyman.

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat, he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.

It is the woman’s privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.

A man may bow first to a very intimate friend.

Meeting a woman to whom he has been introduced at an entertainment, he should wait until she bows first.

After bowing to a woman, the man may join her, and with her permission may walk a short distance with her.

He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time. She may excuse herself and pass on. He should not feel affronted.

If he meets a woman he does not know accompanied by a man he does know, both men bow.

The man accompanying her should bow to every man or woman to whom she bows.

WOMEN. A woman’s bow should be dignified—

a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the head.

Women bow first to men when meeting in the street. A man may bow first if the acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary.

It is the woman’s privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.

A man bowing and joining a woman on the street must ask permission to do so.

She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on. If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it. Such conversations should be brief.

BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth.

The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.

BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal breakfasts are held at twelve o’clock.

CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and women.

GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the breakfast.

HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a week in advance for formal breakfasts, but for informal breakfasts they may be written.

If given in honor of a special guest, the name is engraved on the card—as, TO MEET

MR. WILSON.

MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are often given for men. Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not.

Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including gloves, the latter being taken off at table.

Women remove their coats and wraps, but not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.

BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely necessary to break an engagement made for a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as possible to the hostess, either by special delivery or messenger, giving the reason and expressing regrets.

BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman, and can, if she wishes, ask the latter personally or by note to perform the ceremony.

She selects the music for the ceremony and the organist, names the wedding day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.

Of the bridesmaids, she may select one, some near friend, as the maid of honor, to act for her, as the best man does for the groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better. Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.

CHURCH. On the weddingday, after receiving the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her house, she goes to the church with her father (or nearest male relative), and leans upon his arm as they proceed up the aisle, following the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet (or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her. They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, “Who giveth this woman away?” or, “To be married to this man?” her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom’s right