Ex-Wife by Mirah Selim (interesting books to read in english .txt) 📗

Chp-39

Xander Pov

Miracle.

I never thought can happen in my fucked up life. Sometimes I used to think that I was born to feel one-sided desperation. One-sided feelings. One-sided care.

But indeed miracles happen. Like she happened. My beautiful wife happened to me.

The woman I didn't have the slightest idea of before now has become a part of my soul. Without her the only thing I could feel is emptiness. I wish I would have met her before. I wish I had looked at her more than just Mrs. Stone before.

But like people say. For everything, there is a fixed time. And it was the time fixed for us. For her to be mine solely.

Last night I opened my heart out in front of her. Telling her the darkest secret of mine. I expected her to lash at me. Be disgusted with me. Or worst left me.

But again miracle happens. She did exactly the opposite of what I thought.  She comforted me. She held me closer. She made me feel something. Something that I was oblivious of feeling again.

After my father. Mia was the only person I ever get close to. She was beautiful. An angel in a human body. I fell for her or more like got extremely obsessed with her to the extent that I forgot myself.

I compromised on my desires. My self-respect. My wishes just for her happiness. The only thing I ever wanted from her was her sincere forgiveness. But that's what I thought. What I really wanted was.

Her. Her love. I wanted to be one and only for her. But I couldn't and I understood it the hard way.

Whenever I touched her I never felt like we were more than just a married couple. Every night I desperately waited for her to utter those magical words. Just for once.

But it never happened. And after her death, I accepted it as my fate. I wanted to spend my whole life with my son and with the memories of her.

But even after her death, she didn't fail to show how much I meant to her. But of course as a friend.

When I read the will I was beyond angry at her. The first thing that came to my mind was her distrust of me that I might not able to take good care of Alexander. As I wasn't his biological father.

But after reading the letter she left for me I realized many things. But the one thing that never failed to make me feel not worthy for that angel was her words in the last.

"Xander. You deserves far better than just a girl who gave you nothing except taking from you. You live in my heart Xander maybe not as a lover but your important to me more than anyone could be. Alexander is your son. Yours and mine. But I know you being you wouldn't try to move on. So I had no other option but to force you this way. Please, Xander. For the past 4 years, I have been living in this guilt of not able to love you. You deserve love. You deserve more than that. Please move on. Find a life. A life that I failed to give you.

Mia."

At first, I didn't take her words seriously. I only wanted to marry someone for Alex's custody and after a year I would have given a divorce to that woman because the girls I met only wanted my money or the title of Mrs. Storm. Or simply some favours in return.

I wasn't serious about this marriage thing but maybe she knew. She had faith that something indeed will happen. And here a miracle ended up happening in my life.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be able to see someone else with the same gaze I used to see Mia as. And that be the infamous Amelia Kale. The woman I didn't before give a single glance.

She became my wife. In not so good situation. But she eventually did. I don't know when how and why I started to get attracted towards her but I knew one thing I wanted her. And I didn't want to let her go.

The time I kissed her I realised how much I wanted, craved for her. Maybe it sounds cliche but I started feeling like I couldn't be able to live without her. She started becoming someone I didn't feel like living without anymore.

She may be not Alex's biological mother. But she's his angel. And a reason for me to live. A part of my heart. A part of my breathing. A living fibre of my body.

Maybe Mia was right. Life is all about moving on and on. If we kept on holding on to the past future will eventually be upset to show any good signs.

Even when I was married to Mia she always pushed me to try to move on but I was too much in love with her that all I could see. All I cared for is to be with her. To see her in front of my eyes all day.

Liam Stone. A stupid man. That's the only name I can give him. He had a gem in his palms without doing anything. She loved him beyond herself. A woman every man would die for.

And he just let her slip away from his grasp by making mistakes and mistakes. I know I did a mistake. No, I did sin. Yes, what I did to Mia was a sin for me.

I tried everything to earn her forgiveness but when I realised what I wanted from her was love, not just forgiveness. It was too late to stop myself from falling deeper.

But Liam's matter wasn't even near mine. There was no fault of Amelia for what happened to his sister. Even though she lied but in some way she reminded me of myself.

She was obsessed. She was. But there are always two sides of love in a human body. Obsession and Love. She loved him obsessively. But when she realized what that crazy love did to him she accepted her defeat.

Like I did.

I was punished beyond anything. I never got the love of the woman I call my first love. It was my punishment of not being loved by her. And I accepted it on the day I lost her for eternity.

I was going to force my love on her but I forgot that love is something that can't be forced. Even after all the bad things Maxim did to her. She loved him. And even after all of the redemption and love, I showered on her I got nothing except her unconditional care for me.

Wish. I wish I could go back in time and change what I did to her that night. Only if. Just only if I could stop myself then maybe my remorse would have been less than what I felt for years now.

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