How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #1) - DeYtH Banger (latest ebook reader .txt) 📗

them confine you. Rather experiment and allow yourself to do mistakes than not experimenting at all. It's virtually impossible to become great socially without repeatedly messing up along the way!

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2:

HOW TO KEEP AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION GOINGWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

How to keep an interesting conversation with anyone at any time. How to come up with things to say so that you’ll get a natural flow in your conversation from the start. How to avoid awkwardness when you start talking to someone. How to feel more relaxed when you are about to initiate a conversation with someone. The reason why we don’t come up with anything to say and what to do about it.

Click here to go to the specific chapter for avoiding awkward silence in a conversation.

HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY NEXT IN A CONVERSATION:

When you talk to someone you've just met, it’s often harder to come up with things to say compared to when you’re talking to a close friend.

For example, even the basic questions I use in the previous chapter on how to start a conversation with someone can be hard to remember when you’re actually in a conversation with someone you've just met and don't feel comfortable around yet.

And there’s a reason for this. When you’re talking to someone, you use the language center of your brain. It’s hard to - at the same time - start to think back on advice you read in a guide somewhere. Just like it’s hard to read a book and at the same time talk to someone.

There is actually a clever way to come up with what to say by using a different part of the brain. And you can use this method to not just start conversations, but also to keep an interesting conversation going for a long time.

We call this the Timeline Method. It's a method that uses the visual center of your brain, so it won’t interfere with your conversation. It’s much like how you can watch a sunset with a friend and at the same time focus on a conversation you're having. The sunset and the conversation are being processed by different parts of the brain, so they don't interfere.

 

USING THE TIMELINE METHOD

 

 

When you talk to someone, visualize a timeline. Your goal is to fill out the blanks of that timeline. The middle is “now”, and here’s where you should start the conversation. So you always start talking with someone about the very moment you're in, then work your way out on the timeline like a ripple going further away from the current moment - the middle of the timeline, both into the past and the future.

If you’re wondering about what to say next, explore the timeline of the other person going from the present and out. Visualizing the timeline is something you can do even when you’re in the middle of a conversation, because it won't interfere with the language center of your brain - and it will help you to come up with new subjects.

As soon as you strike up a conversation with someone, start of by filling out the blanks of the very moment you're in. Remember the 6 universal questions from the previous chapter? They explore the very moment you're in and then work their way out the timeline:

You can associate the 6 universal sentences from the previous chapter with the timeline quite easily.

How are you doing?

How do you know people here?

Or you might come up with other questions about the very moment:

Did you like the canapés?

Do you know the name of this song?

Then, continue talking about less immediate things, like,

What are you working with / studying [...] How do you like that?

Is it busy or do you get any time off? Do you have any plans for your next vacation?

Where are you originally from? How come you moved?

Notice how these questions start in the very moment and then ripple off into the future and the past. By visualizing the timeline in your head, you'll be able to come up with these questions quite easily.

IMPORTANT NOTE: HOW TO AVOID INTERVIEWS

I've stacked these questions as a list for your reference. But you don't want to conduct interviews.

In between these questions you share relevant things about yourself, and the conversation might take off in any direction far away from the timeline. Perhaps you talk for several minutes about the canapés already.

The timeline is more of a framework that you can fall back on if the conversation stagnates.

HERE'S HOW TO USE THE TIMELINE

Memorize the universal questions from the previous chapter Notice how they start in the moment and then moves out in the timeline like a ripple Pay attention to where on the timeline each question is positioned When you're in a conversation, visualize the timeline. If you've previously memorized the questions, they will pop up now. This is because our brain remembers through association. As the timeline uses the visual part of your brain, it won't interfere with your conversations.

So when the conversation stagnates, you can think this way:

Timeline -> I don’t know anything about this person's future -> You said that you studied, what are your plans after you're done with that?

So - on a theoretical level - find out things about the person, where in life he is today, where he’s from, where he’s going. As you do that, let the other person know where YOU are from and where you are today and where you are going.

On a practical level - ask questions about the other person. Share similar bits and pieces about your life. Ask follow-up questions. Start off by talking about the immediate now and then work your way out on the timeline.

Coming up with these questions has a learning curve of course. The first couple of times it will feel a bit unfamiliar, but then you’ll notice how you will start coming up with questions to fill the blanks of the timeline.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING SIMILARITIES:

The reason for asking all these questions is to find similarities.

As soon as you find a mutual interest or passion or experience, you’ll notice how the conversation changes. You will both become more relaxed because you feel comfortable with the subject.

So, always be on the lookout for similarities. It’s when you find them that the conversation becomes truly interesting for both of you. You start bonding. Of course you won’t find similarities with everyone, but you have to ask questions to find out.

 

 

AN EXERCISE YOU CAN DO ANYTIME:

You can practice the timeline without even speaking with someone.

Visualize the timeline on people you see when you are out walking. Try to come up with questions to fill their timelines before they’ve passed you by.

This way you can practice on a lot of people and it will make you better at conversations faster.

It’s a great feeling when questions just come to you, because you know that you will be able to just come up with questions and subjects, no matter who you are speaking to. And that will make you so much more comfortable hitting up conversations with people.

Click here to go to the specific chapter on how to how to become more self-confident in conversations.

SUMMARY:

Keep the initial conversation as simple as possible. Find out where the person is from, where the person is today, and where the person is going - simply by asking questions. Share relevant bits and pieces about your own life, so that you share roughly the same amount of information. In an environment where you’re not expected to socialize, first focus on the situation you're in to warm up the conversation

Awesome!

You now know how to keep an interesting conversation going. But there will still be moments where the conversation hits a wall. In the next chapter, you will learn exactly how to deal with awkward silence.

It's time for Chapter 3: How to avoid awkward silence.

 

 

CHAPTER 3:

HOW TO AVOID AWKWARD SILENCEWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

How to always know what to say next in a conversation. How to fill awkward silence. Specific examples of what to say when a conversation runs dry. A dangerous mistake people often make that causes awkward silence. What you should say when your mind goes blank. What you should do after you’ve read this guide to not feel overwhelmed - but to actually improve your conversations.

HOW TO MAKE CONVERSATION IN A WAY THAT PREVENTS AWKWARD SILENCE

As you know from previous chapters, a great way to make conversation is to ask the other person genuine questions and share related bits and pieces from your own life.

One reason why conversations hits a wall is that they simply aren't interesting enough. We don't get emotionally affected and after some boring job talk we don't know what to say.

However, there's a simple solution to this:

Ask questions that the other person can connect to emotionally.

Here's what that means: People are emotionally connected to things that interest them, such as thinking about their future plans, or thinking back on their previous experiences, in some cases their occupations, and - not to be forgotten - themselves and their own lives.

Asking questions about something people aren't interested in is like biking uphill, whereas asking questions about something they can connect to emotionally just makes the conversation go on without effort.

Here are some things that people connect to emotionally and some related sample questions. These are questions you ask after some more general questions, like the ones I went through in chapter 1.

If you ask these questions too early, people might feel uncomfortable. But to truly bond and move the conversation forward, you need to involve people emotionally as soon as you're warmed up.

 

These questions shouldn't be asked out of the blue. You should ask emotionally connected questions based on what you're currently talking about

Themselves

- Did you get exhausted hiking so far or what did it feel like?
- Would you say that you are you a high performer?
- Did you have a specific diet plan to succeed so well with your weight loss?

Experiences

- How was your vacation?
- What did you think about the movie?
- How did you like living in [city/country]?

Interests

- How do you usually spend your free time?
- What kind of music do you mainly listen to?
- What’s your favorite movie?

Hopes and dreams (after you’ve gotten to know each other a bit more)

- Where would you rather live?
- What’s your plan for the summer?
- What are your future plans after [...]?

You shouldn't memorize these questions. In fact, you should only ask questions that relate to the situation. These are only examples so that you catch my drift. What you need to remember is that they ALL have something in common:

They all contain the word “you”.

To avoid awkward silence, ask questions that contain the word “you”. That's a good rule of thumb to find questions people connect emotionally to. That will make you more emotionally connected with each other and they will start contributing more to the conversation.

Obviously, your goal should be to make conversation both you and the person you're talking to enjoy. Chances are that as you ask questions, you come across something, perhaps a mutual interest or maybe similar future plans, that you'll both enjoy talking about.

 

HOW TO COME UP WITH THINGS TO SAY WHEN YOUR MIND GOES BLANK

A conversation goes silent when you can’t come up with things to say. Here's some advice for what to do when your mind goes blank:

Think back on previous subjects

This is an important one!

Memorize this technique and you'll see vast improvements in your conversations.

Let's say that the person you were talking to said something, and you have no idea of how to build the conversation on that. You've hit a wall. Now, ask yourself what you were talking about earlier in the conversation. Go back to any previous subject and ask questions that relate to that.

Say that the other person previously mentioned a trip to Paris, but the conversation since then has carried on:

- How was your weekend?
- Good. I didn’t do anything special though. (The conversation is about to hit a wall)
- I see. You said you visited Paris, right? How was it?

You can