How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #1) - DeYtH Banger (latest ebook reader .txt) 📗

to get that mega project done and I did a very good job, if I may say so myself.
Note that Ben did not directly tell Vicki he thought she was a dedicated and determined person."

 

"If you tell someone that they are good at something and they know they aren’t, they are likely to question your motive because they recognize the discrepancy between your assessment of them and the way they really perform.
An alternate, and vastly superior, method of using compliments exists. This approach avoids the pitfalls inherent in complimenting another person and instead allows others to compliment themselves. This technique avoids the problem of appearing insincere. When people compliment themselves, sincerity is not an issue, and people rarely miss an opportunity to compliment themselves if given the opportunity (which you conveniently provide)."

 

 

P.S. - If you want know this  topic on a deeper level this chapter is for you!

 

"USING EMPATHIC STATEMENTS TO KEEP CONVERSATIONS GOING
Empathic statements also serve as effective conversation fillers. The awkward silence that comes when the other person stops talking and you cannot think of anything to say is devastating. When you are struggling for something to say, fall back on the empathic statement. All you have to remember is the last thing the person said and construct an empathic statement based on that information. The speaker will carry the conversation, giving you time to think of something meaningful to say. It is far better to use a series of empathic statements when you have nothing to say than to say something inappropriate. Remember: The person you are talking to will not realize that you are using empathic statements because they will be processed as “normal” by the listener’s brain and will go unnoticed."

 

 

"We naturally tend to say something to the effect of “I understand how you feel.” The other person then automatically thinks, No, you don’t know how I feel because you are not me. The basic “So you . . .” formula ensures that the focus of the conversation remains on the other person. For example, you get on an elevator and see a person who is smiling and looks happy. You can naturally say, “So, things are going your way today,” mirroring back their physical nonverbal cues.
When using empathic statements to achieve the objective of the Golden Rule of Friendship, avoid repeating back word for word what the person said. Since people rarely do this, when it occurs the repetition is processed by the brain of the listener as abnormal behavior and causes a defensive reaction."

 

 

"Empathic statements also close the discourse cycle. When a person says something, they want feedback to know if their message was received and understood. Mirroring back what a person says using parallel language closes the communication circle. People feel good about themselves when they successfully communicate a message.
Constructing empathic statements requires you to carefully listen to the other person. Concentrated listening demonstrates that you are really interested in the other person and understand what they are ­saying."

 

 

"TECHNIQUES TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES: EMPATHIC STATEMENTS

Empathic statements keep the focus of the conversation on the person you are talking with rather than on yourself. They are one of the most effective ways to make people feel good about themselves. Keeping the focus on the other person is difficult because we are, by nature, ego­centric and think the world revolves around us. Nevertheless, if every time you talk to people they feel good about themselves, you will have successfully achieved the objective of the Golden Rule of Friendship and people will like you as a result."

 

 

"...task facing new Special Agents bent on getting people to like them is developing this vital skill. Agents often approached me and asked me to teach them the techniques to get people to like them instantly. And I gave them the exact same instruction: If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. You must focus your attention on the person you are befriending. It sounds easy, but it takes practice even for trained agents. If you make someone feel good about themselves, they will credit you with helping them attain that good feeling. People gravitate toward individuals who make them happy and tend to avoid people who bring them pain or discomfort.
If every time you meet a person you make them feel good about themselves, he or she will seek out every opportunity to see you again to experience those same good feelings. The stumbling block many..."

 

 

via the book: The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Overby Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 .1 - This Guy did it!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This is Jim Norton and he gives less fucks... - I fucking love this guy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is Ally Law, I guy who doesn't give a fuck what other says - In my opinion typical bad ass attitude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is my favourite mentor it's Jason Capital and he is one fucking damn good badass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This here is Bill Burr (Comedian)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Better Call Saul" - Saul GoodMan/ Jimmy McGill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Chance" - Mr. D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "M.D. House" - Doctor Gregory House, probably you already know this show very well

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: From the TV Show "Sherlock" -  Sherlock 

 

 

...

Now it's the right time

 

 

...

Just somebody to push you...

 

choose somebody who has already done it.

 

 

I have choosen:

 

- Ally Law - Because he trains Parkour

- Sherlock - Because he is damn smart

- Jason Capital - Because he is damn good with women

- Gregory House - Because he is good conversationalist

- Mr. D - Because he is good with weapons

- Jim Norton - Because he doesn't care

- Bill Burr - Because (The same reason and here)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Eric Thomas a guy who motivates people

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: Jocko Willink a guy who motivates people

 

 

 

Chapter 3 - Why Discipline Beats Motivation Every Time (Part 1)

 

 

Research: Affirmations Don’t Work for Self-Esteem – What to do Instead

 

 

 

Have you ever had thoughts like these:

“People will think [insert negative thing] about me” “No matter what advice I get, there’s just… somethingin me that’s not enough” “I don’t feel important enough to people” “Everything would be better if I just had the right looks”

What we really want is to just stop caring what other’s think of us. Why is that so hard?

There are thousands of self-help books promising to help, and I’ve read a lot of them. 90% of the advice is terrible.

Luckily, there’s been a lot of research the recent years on what ACTUALLY works to increase your self-esteem.

Just had the most interesting talk with Viktor Sander. He’s the guy making sure everything you read on SocialPro is scientifically based and not just some random guy’s opinion.

 

 

B. Sc Viktor Sander

 

He has a B. Sc. in Behavioral Science (University of Gothenburg). Basically, you could say that he’s good at understanding how people actually work.

Today I’m going to summarize what Viktor said when we talked about self-esteem. He told me some pretty mind blowing things.

 

 

 

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life". 

Let’s cut right to the chase.

 

We often feel like we’re unique and that advice might work for others, but not for us.

In reality, most of those thoughts aren’t very unique at all:

 

Fearing that people will realize that you’re a fraud (There’s even a name for that feeling: The Impostor syndrome) Assuming we’re not important enough to others Feeling like everyone pays attention to us and will notice how weird we are (Called the Spotlight effect) Feeling like people laugh at us behind our backs Getting nervous talking to people with high social value/ attractive people / tall people Having a general feeling of being less worth than others Thinking that there’s something wrong with us that makes us unable to learn, for example, learn to be more socially skilled Feeling like a stranger, like you don’t belong Thinking that being more good-looking would solve everything Assuming other’s just won’t like us Not trusting people

 

It feels like we are the only ones who think stuff like this because few like to admit that they think the same way.

What’s generally true is that as our self-esteem improves, we care less and less about these thoughts.

A good self-esteem is wonderful to have. It’s nice to knowing you can go to a party and just feel at ease being there. And it’s great to not be self-conscious all the time and just be able to enjoy the moment.

So, how do you increase your self-esteem?

 

 

One advice that we hear all the time is using “positive affirmations”. You know, putting post-its on the bathroom mirror and repeating to yourself that “I’m good, I’m lovable”.

But when scientists studied positive affirmations, they discovered something surprising. Yes, affirmations can work for people with good self-esteem. But for people with low self-esteem (those who need it), affirmations will actually make them feel WORSE about themselves. Because their inner voice replies “No you’re not, no you’re not”)

What actually works is being okay with NOT being great all the time.

So instead of telling yourself things like “I’m the best, I’m the best” you can say “I’m probably not the best, but that’s OK”. This method is called “Self-compassion”.

 

 

But this is actually still not the most powerful way to boost your self-esteem.

Self-esteem is quite hard to change sitting at home trying to make yourself believe different things.

The most powerful way to increase your self-esteem is to actually improve something in your life. Just setting up small, reachable goals and then achieving them is an extremely powerful way to make us feel better about ourselves. (Study 1, Study 2)

For example, if you improve your social life, that will in itself make you