The Jest Book<br />The Choicest Anecdotes and Sayings by Mark Lemon (christmas read aloud TXT) 📗

"Life of Johnson", 154 Braham and Kenney, 237 Bred on the Boards, 162 Brevity, 81 Brevity of Charity, 215 Brief Correspondence, 179 "Brief Let It Be", 210 Bright and Sharp, 63 Bright Rejoinder, A, 346 Bringing his Man Down, 245 Broad-brim Hint, A, 81 Broad Hint, A, 85, 165 Broad-Sheet Hint, A, 75 Broken Head, A, 98 Brotherly Love, 46, 300 Brutal Affections, 67 Budget of Blunders, A, 141 Buried Worth, 56 Burke and Fox, 258 Burke's Tediousness, 270 Business and Pleasure, 326 Busy Bodies, 124 But one Good Translation, 358 Byron Libellous, 342 Cabal, A, 31 Calculation, 105 Calculation, A, 265 Caledonian Comfort, 99 Calf's Head Surprised, 25 Caliban's Looking-glass, 51 Calumny, 220 Cambridge Etiquette, 76 Candid Counsel, A, 156 Candid on both Sides, 222 Candle and Lantern, The, 125 Candor, 73 Canine Poetry, 169 Canning's Parasites, 71 Capital Joke, A, 56 Capital Letter, A, 14 Cap This, 26 Carrots Classically Considered, 222 Cart before the Horse, The, 60 Case of Necessity, A, 189 Cash Payments, 149 Catching him Up, 70 Cause and Effect, 226, 344 Cause of Absence, 40 Cause, The, 158 Cautious Lover, A, 108 Celestial Vision, A, 351 Certain Crop, A, 208 Certainly not Asleep, 109 Certainty, A, 83 Challenging a Jury, 107 Change for a Guinea, 337 Change for the Better, A, 197 Changing Hats, 280 Changing his Coat, 3 Changing his Line, 39 Characteristics, 237 Charitable Wit, 195 Charity and Inconvenience, 326 Charity begins at Home, 312 Charles, Duke of Norfolk, 271[Pg 375] Charles II. and Milton, 192 Chartist not a Leveller, A, 334 Chatham, Lord, 263 Cheap at the Money, 209 Cheap Cure, A, 17 Cheap Watch, A, 168 Check to the King, 22 Cheese and Dessert, 21 Chemical Oddity, 322 Chesterfield, Lord, 37 Chin-Surveying, 280 Choice of Evils, A, 334 Choice Spirits, 180 Church in the Way, The, 246 City Glutton, 358 City Love, 36 City Varnish, A, 61 Claim on the Country, A, 249 Classical Wit, 333 Claw and Claw, 54 Clear Case, A, 122 Clear the Court, 118 Clearing Emigrants, 272 Clerical Wit, 95 Clever Dog, A, 47 Climax, A, 19, 341 Clonmel, Lord, 172 Close Escape, A, 187 Close Translation, A, 317 Closer, A, 313 Coat-of-Arms, A, 211 Cockney Epigram, A, 36 Cold Comfort, 132 "Cold" Compliment, A, 73 Coleridge and Thelwall, 275 College Bell! The, 109 Collins, The late Mr., 24 Colonial Breweries, 313 Colorable Excuse, A, 179 Colorable Resemblance, A, 145 Come of Age, 9 Comedian and a Lawyer, A, 190 Common Case, A, 64 Common Politeness, 195 Common Want, A, 219 Comparative Virtue, 357 Comparison, A, 152, 234, 273 Comparisons are Odious, 2 Complimentary, 4, 362 Compliment, Elegant, 32 Compliment Ill-received, A, 78 Computation, 22 Conceited, but not Seated, 201 Con-cider-ate, 139 Concurrent Events, 134 Conditional Agreement, 315 Confidence, 103, 120 Confidence—taken from the French, 193 Confirmed Invalid, A, 1 Congratulation to One who Curled His Hair, 85 Conjugal Caution, 8 Conjugal Conclusion, A, 282 Connoisseur, The, 7 Connubial Compliment, A, 365 Conservative Logic, 300 Considerable Latitude, 44 Considerate Mayor, A, 292 Considerate Son, A, 89 Consistency, 179 Constancy, 245 Constitutional Pun, A, 4 Contraband Scotchman, 67 Convenient Theory, A, 358 Convert, A, 4 Cooke's Explanation of the Family Plate, 158 Cooking his Goose, 315 Cool as a Cucumber, 356 Cool Hand, A, 85 Cool Proposition, A, 299 Cool Retort, 208 Corporation Politeness, 219 Corruptly Incorruptible, 172 Couleur de Rose, 58 Coulson, Sir Thomas, 232 Credit, 269 Critical Politeness, 30 Criticising a Statue, 152 Critics, 60 Cromwell, 228 Cruel Case, A, 229 Cruel Suggestion, 68 Cup and Saucer, 200 Cut and Come Again, 51 Cut Direct, The, 124 Cut Infernal, The, 103 Cutting, 360 Cutting an Acquaintance, 253 Cutting his Coat, 57 Cutting off the Supplies, 310 Cutting on both Sides, 69 Damped Ardor, 240 Dancing Prelates, The, 226[Pg 376] Dangerous Generalization, A, 243 Dead Language, 110 Deadly Weapon, A, 288 Dear Bargain, A, 323 Dear Speaker, A, 319 Death and Dr. Bolus, 335 Death-bed Forgiveness, 323 Debt Paid, The, 77 Debtor and Creditor, 126 Decanting Extraordinary, 168 Defining a Creed, 335 Degeneracy, 129 Delicate Hint, 130 Delpini's Remonstrance, 144 Democratic Vision, 80 Deserved Retort, A, 64 Destitution of the Smith Family, 351 Devil's Own, The, 229 Dialogue, A, 16 Dialogue in the Western Islands of Scotland, 279 Dido, 86 Difference, A, 4 Difference of Opinion, 277 Difficult Task, A, 188 Difficulties in either Case, 318 Diffidence, 185 Dilemma, A, 168 Dinner Code, 368 Direct Road, The, 197 Disappointing Subscriber, A, 194 Disapprobation, 45 "Distant" Friend, A, 259 Distant Prospect, A, 16 Distressful Denouement, A 300 Doctor Glynn's Receipt for Dressing a Cucumber, 285 Doctor Weather-eye, 59 Doctrine of Chances, The, 15 Dodging a Creditor, 136 Dogged Answer, A, 10 Dog-matic, 27 Dogmatism, 221 Dog Tax, The, 352 Doing Homage, 223 Domestic Economy, 92 Done for, 352 Donne, Dr., 362 Double Knock, A, 116 Double Sight, 365 "Double Times," A, 88 Doubt Explained, The, 353 Doubtful Compliment, A, 31 Doubtful Creed, A, 105 Dreadful Suspicion, A, 328 Drinking Alone, 174 Driving it Home, 113 Droll to Order, 322 Drop, A, 306 Dry, but not Thirsty, 350 Dry Fellow, A, 227 Dry Humor, 337 Dull Man, A, 274 Dulness of a Debate, 162 Dunning and Lord Mansfield, 39 Dunning and Lord Thurlow, 97 Duplex Movement, 58 Dutiful Daughter, A, 309 Early Birds of Prey, 261 Early Habits, 342 Easily Answered, 135 Easily Satisfied, 164 East Indian Chaplaincy, An, 245 Easy as Lying, 29 Easy Way, An, 302 Ebenezer Adams, 150 Effort of Memory, An, 163 Elegant Compliment, 32 Elegant Retort, 205 Elliston and George IV., 240 Eloquent Silence, 117 Emperor of China, 48 Empty Gun, The, 113 Empty Head, An, 92 Encouragement, 216 Endless Task, An, 351 Entering the Lists, 236 Entertaining Proposition, An, 318 Envy, 238 Epigrams:— Accounting for the Apostacy of Ministers, 173 Addressed to Miss Edgeworth, 83 A Good Word for Ministers, 39 An Affirmative, 367 By a Plucked Man, 93 Conversational, 365 "Cumberland", 34 From the Italian, 82 "I'm Living Still", 17 "Life is a Lottery", 90 "Nature" the Shoulder to the Burden suits, 311 On a Bad Man, 47[Pg 377] On a Bald Head, 198 On a certain M.P.'s Indisposition, 196 On a Debtor Lord, 222 On a Gentleman named Heddy, 297 On a Great Talker, 337 On a Jury, 176 On a Lady who Squinted, 79 On a Lady who was Painted, 262 On a Little Member's Versatility, 203 On a New Duke, 37 On a Petit-Maître Physician, 240 On a Squinting Poetess, 315 On a Stone thrown at a very Great Man, but which missed him, 26 On a Student, 232 On Alderman Wood, 224 On an M.P. who recently got his Election at the Sacrifice of his Political Character, 214 On Bank Notes being made a Legal Tender, 53 On Bishop ——'s Religion, 365 On Black and White, 63 On Blank Cartridge, 341 On Bloomfield, the Poet, 291 On Butler's Monument, 340 On Charles Kean, the Actor, 80 On Cibber, 74 On "Disloyal" Collins, 336 On Dr. Glynn's Beauty, 182 On Dr. Lettsom, 290 On Dr. Walcot's Application for Shield's Ivory Opera Pass, 315 On Dr. Walcot's Request for Ivory Tickets, 318 On Drink, 182 On Hearing a prosing Harangue from a certain Bishop, 245 On Interminable Harangues, 76 On Jekyll's nearly being thrown down by a very small Pig, 116 On L—d—d—y, 81 On Lord ——'s delivering his Speeches in a sitting Position, owing to excessive Gout, 121 On Lord E—nb—h's Pericranium, 89 On Lord W——'s saying the Independence of the House of Lords is gone, 193 On Marriage, 170 On Meanness, 117 On Mr. Croker, 111 On Mr. Gully, 234 On Mr. Pitt's being pelted by the Mob, 295 On Mr. Milton, the Livery Stable-keeper, 239 On Neglect of Judicial Duties, 129 On Phryne, 345 On Pride, 101 On Rogers, the Poet, 226 On Shelley's Poem, "Prometheus Unbound", 230 On Sir Walter Scott's Poem of "Waterloo", 304 On the alleged Disinterestedness of a certain Prelate, 109 On the charge of Illegally Pawning brought against Captain B——, M.P., 200 On the Column to the Duke of York's Memory, 29 On the Death of Foote, 81 On the Depth of Lord ——'s Arguments, 88 On the Disappointment of the Whigs, 307 On the Duke of ——'s Consistency, 104 On the Four Georges, 294 On the Immortality of ——'s Speeches, 89 On the King's Double Dealing, 166 On the late Duke of Buckingham's Moderate Reform, 328 On the Marriage of a very thin Couple, 172 On the Name of Keopalani, 153 On the Oiled and Perfumed Ringlets of a certain Lord, 178[Pg 378] On the Price of Admission to see the Mammoth Horse, 266 On the Sincerity of a certain Prelate, 134 On Two Contractors, 316 On the Two Harveys, 247 On Wolsey, 347 On ——'s Ponderous Speeches, 223 On ——'s Veracity, 319 "Pocket your Watch", 131 Suggested by hearing a Debate, 241 The Tanner, 115 "There's Nobody at Home", 65 To Closefist, 303 To Lady Mount E——, 300 "Turncoat", 46 Upon the Trustworthiness of —— ——, 332 "Very like a Whale", 154 Written on the Union, 1801, 298 Episcopal Sauce, 114 Epitaph for Sir John Vanbrugh, 16 Epitaph on a Miser, 220 Epitaphs, 247 Epitaph upon Peter Staggs, 227 Error Corrected, An, 237 Erskine, Henry, 220, 244 Erskine's Firmness, 327 "Essay on Man", 185 Equal to Nothing, 177 Equality, 52, 156 Equality of the Law, 288 Equitable Law, 290 Equivocal Preference, An, 355 Equivocation, An, 198 Erasmus v. Luther, 293 Error in Judgment, 306 Erudite, 302 Euclid Refuted, 162, 333 Evasion, An, 335 Evidence of a Jockey, 75 Exaggeration, 160 Excusable Fear, 275 Excuse for Cowardice, 295 Existence of Matter, 363 Expectoration, 211 Expensive Job, An, 362 Expensive Trip, An, 311 Experimentum Crucis, 324 Explanation, An, 180 Extenuating Circumstances, 119 Extinguisher, An, 12 Extraordinary Compromise, 177 Extreme Simplicity, 87 Extremely Sulphurous, 366 Extremes Meet, 59, 77 Eye to Profit, An, 33 Fair Distribution, A, 344 Fair Play, 204 Fair Proposal, A, 105 Fair Repulse, A, 54 Fair Substitute, A, 4 Fairly Won, 293 Fall in Mitres, A, 23 False Delicacy, 23 False Estimate, 216 False Face True, A, 292 False Quantities, 154 False Quantity, 27 Familiar Friend, A, 329 Familiar Illustration, A, 41 Familiarity, 177 Family Party, A, 25 Family Pride, 74 Farcical, 364 Farmer and Attorney, 44 Farren, the Actor, On, 54 Fashion and Virtue, 329 Fat and Lean, 264 Fatigue Duty, 152 Favorite Air, A, 210 Fear of Educating Women, 140 Feeling His Way, 103 Feeling Witness, A, 59 Female Talkers, 49 Few Friends, 185 Fiction and Truth, 264 Fig for the Grocer, A, 150 Fighting by Measure, 49 Filial Affection, 182 Fillip for Him, A, 18 Fire and Water, 155 Fire of London, The,