The Jest Book<br />The Choicest Anecdotes and Sayings by Mark Lemon (christmas read aloud TXT) 📗

31 Fishing for a Compliment, 82 Fishy, Rather, 80 Fixture, A, 74 Flash of Wit, A, 276 Flattery turned to Advantage, 30 Flying Colors, 318 Following a Leader, 78 Fool and His Money, A, 359[Pg 379] Fool Confirmed, A, 252 Fool or Knave, The, 313 Foote, 96 Foote and Lord Townsend, 94 Foote's Last Joke, 368 Footiana, 169 Foraging, 116 Force of Habit, The, 125, 257 Force of Nature, 55 Force of Satire, The, 49 Forcible Argument, A, 276 Foreign Accent, A, 29 Forgetful Man, A, 181 Fortunate Expedient, A, 294 Fortunate Stars, 270 Fowl Joke, A, 311 Fox, Charles James, 361 Free Translation, A, 355 French Language, 109 French Precipitation, 52 Full House, A, 257 Full Inside, 170 Full Proof, 74 Full Stop, A, 264 Funeral Invitation, 356 Gambling, 234 Garrick and Foote, 199 Garth and Rowe, 357 Generosity and Prudence, 213 Gently, Jemmy, 151 Genuine Irish Bull, 128 Genuine Laziness, 360 George II. and the Recorder, 106 Getting a Living, 274 "Getting the Worst of It", 340 Gluttons and Epicures, 153 Going from the Point, 335 Going to Extremes, 332 Gone Out, 360 Good Advice, 3, 152, 209, 211 Good at a Pinch, 223 Good Appetite, A, 254 Good at the Halt, 302 Good Authority, 173 Good Character, A, 304 Good Critic, A, 114 Good Enough for a Pig, 364 Good Evidence, 227 Good Example, A, 83 Good Excuse, A, 134 Good Eyes, 274 Good Hearing, 206 Good-hearted Fellow, A, 81 Good Investment, A, 235 Good Jail Delivery, A, 183 Good Joke, A, 210 Good Judge, A, 361 Good Likeness, A, 253 Good Mixture, A, 283 Good Neighbor, A, 197 Good News for the Chancellor, 144 Good One, A, 135 Good Parson, A, 14 Good Place, A, 30 Good Reason, A, 47, 50, 53, 78 Good Reason for a Bad Cause, A, 313 Good Recommendation, A, 266 Good Riddance, 105 Good Servant, A, 66 Good Sport, 65 Good Swimmer, A, 171 Good Translation, A, 138 Good Wife, A, 250 Gouty Shoe, The, 189 Graceful Excuse, 175 Graceful Illustration, A, 230 Grafting, 218 Grammatical Distinction, A, 17 Grandiloquence, 248 Grandson, The, 299 Grave Doctor, A, 18 Great Cabbage, 251 Great Difference, A, 132 Gretna Customer, A, 100 Grim Joke, A, 360 Growl, A, 188 Grunt, A, 312 Guide to Government Situations, A, 59 Habeas Corpus Act, 194 Half-way, 76 Hand and Glove, 21 Handsome Contribution, A, 42 Happiness, 41 Happy Man, A, 121 Happy Suggestion, A, 32 Hard Hit, A, 187 Hard of Digestion, 215 Hard-ware, 221 Having a Call, 258 Heavy Weight, A, 296 He "Lies Like Truth", 21[Pg 380] He who Sung "The Lays of Ancient Rome", 322 Henry VIII., 278 Hero-phobia, 20 Hesitation in his Writing, 59 Hiatus, A, 102 Hic-cupping, 10 High and Low, 36 High Gaming, 215 Highland Politeness, 186 Hinc Ille Lachrymæ, 70 Hint for Genealogists, A, 191 His Way—Out, 188 Hoaxing an Audience, 206 Holland's Funeral, 308 Home Argument, A, 72 Home is Home, 19 Honest Horse, An, 31 Honest Man's Litany, The, 204 Honest Warranty, An, 94 Honor, 311 Honor to Tipperary, An, 338 Hook's Politeness, 127 Hopeful Pupil, The, 124 Hopeless Invasion, A, 322 Horne Tooke and Wilkes, 284 Horse Laugh, A, 7 Horses to Grass, 285 How to Escape Taxation, 238 How to get rid of an Enemy, 261 How to make a Man of Consequence, 168 Howe, Lord, 278 Human Happiness, 64 Humane Society at an Evening Party, The, 191 Humor under Difficulties, 52 Humorist Piqued, A, 339 Husbanding his Resources, 321 Husband's Marriage, On Mr., 120 "I can get Through", 263 Idolatry, 79 Illegal Indorsement, An, 325 Imitation of a Cow, 121 Important to Bachelors, 280 Impossible in the Evening, 254 Impossible Renunciation, An, 191 Impromptu by Counsellor Bushe, 181 Impromptu by R.B. Sheridan, 180 Impromptu on an Apple being thrown at Mr. Cooke, 230 Impromptu—"St. Stephen's Walls", 101 Impromptu—"The Fall of Sparta", 143 Impudent Wit, An, 346 Inadvertence and Epicurism, 286 Incapacity, 241 Inconvenient Breakdown, An, 303 Incredible, 5 Independence, 101 Indifference to Death, 367 Indifference to Life, 274 In-door Relief, 185 Industry and Perseverance, 212 Industry of the English People, 307 Inevitable Misfortune, An, 352 Information easily Acquired, 326 Ingenious Device, An, 196 Ingenious Reply of a Soldier, 37 Ingenuousness, 104 Ingratitude, 58, 283 Inhospitable Irishman, An, 364 In Memoriam, 320 Inquest Extraordinary, 97, 312 Inquest—not Extraordinary, 132 Inquests Extraordinary, 102 Inscription on Inscriptions, An, 2 Insurance Assurance, 360 In Suspense, 27 Interested Inquiry, 357 In the Background, 230 In the Dark, 218 Introductory Ceremony, An, 67 Intruder Rebuked, The, 30 In Want of a Husband, 231 Ireland's Forgery, 134 Irish and Scotch Loyalty, 290 Irish Imprudence, 291 Irishman's Notion of Discount, An, 282 Irishman's Plea, An, 212 Iron Duke, The, 118 "I Takes 'em as they Come", 341 "I've Done the same Thing often", 103 James Smith and Justice Holroyd, 235 Jemmy Gordon, 256 Jest of Ancestry, The, 176 Jew's Eye to Business, A, 286 Johnson and Mrs. Siddons, 128 Johnson, Dr., 190[Pg 381] Johnson, Dr., without Variation, 71 Johnson's, Dr., Opinion of Mrs. Siddons, 197 Joint Concern, A, 46 Joke from the North, A, 366 Jolly Companions, 256 Jonson, Ben, 99 Judge in a Fog, A, 199 Judgment, 262 "Junius" discovered, 11 Jury Case, A, 350 Just as Wonderful, 312 Just Debtor, A, 56 Justice Midas, 332 Justice not always Blind, 144 Kean's Impromptu, 100 Keen Reply, 83 Keeping a Conscience, 126 Keeping a Promise, 117 Keeping It to Himself, 333 Keeping Time, 236 Kew, The Way to, 297 Killed by His Own Remedy, 338 Kind Hint, A, 336 Kitchener and Colman, 145 Knotty Point, A, 47 Knowing Best, 183 Knowing His Man, 91, 313 Knowing His Place, 69 Lady Anne, 120 Lamb and Erskine, 123 Lamb and Sharp Sauce, 212 Lame Beggar, The, 308 Landlord and Tenants, 48 Large, but Not Large Enough, 219 Last Resource, A, 274 "Last War," The, 165 Late and Early, 203 Late Dinner, 112 Late Discoverer, A, 330 Late Edition, A, 15 Latimer, 295 Latin for Cold, The, 123 Latin Gerunds, On the, 135 Law and Physic, 181, 333 Law and the Scottish Thane, 342 Lawyer's House, 149 Lawyer's Opinion of Law, A, 99 Leaving His Verdict, 100 Leg Wit, 182 Legal Adulteration, 147 Legal Extravagance, 249 L'Envoy, 368 Letter C, The, 248 Letter H, The, 136, 199 Letter Wanting, A, 138 Liberal Gift, 135 Licensed to Kill, 160 Lie for Lie, 198 Light Bread, 80 Light-headed, 20 Light Joke, A, 250 Light Study, A, 19 Light Subject, The, 4 Lincoln's-Inn Dinners, 207 Lines to O'Keefe, 330 Lingual Infection, 214 Liquid Remedy for Baldness, 196 Liston's Dream, 148 Literal Joke, A, 125 Literary Pastime, 354 Literary Rendering, A, 284 Little to Give, 171 Long Ago, 348 Long Bill, A, 145 Long Illness, A, 279 Long Residence, A, 239 Long Story, 161 Look-A-head, 178 Look in his Face, 12 Losing an I, 113 Lost and Found, 276 Love, 220 Love and Hymen, 148 Love of the Sea, 157 Love Songs, by Dean Swift, 32 Lusus Naturæ, A, 189 Luxurious Smoking, 173 Lying, 208 Lying Consistently, 20 Mac ready to Call, 178 Mad Quakers, 138 Maids and Wives, 43 Majesty of Mud, The, 61 Making a Clearance, 143 Making Free, 263 Making Free with the Waist, 321 Making It Up, 52 Making Progress, 232 Malone, Sir Anthony, 184 Man and a Brother, A, 337 Man of Letters, A, 26[Pg 382] Man of Metal, A, 306 Man-traps, 179 Man Without a Rival, 198 Mark of Respect, A, 100 Marriage, 82, 211 Matrimony, 349 Matter in His Madness, 8 Maule-practice, 249 Measure for Measure, 64, 146 Measure of a Brain, The, 93 Measuring his Distance, 46 Mechanical Surgeon, A, 169 Medical Opinion, A, 158 Medicine must be of Use, The, 62 Melo-dramatic Hit, 279 Men of Letters, 205 Men of Weight, 322 Merry Thought, A, 346 Michaelmas Meeting, A, 331 Milesian Advice, 77 Military Axiom, A, 276 Military Eloquence, 310 Milton on Woman, 53 Mind your Points, 242 Minding his Business, 107 Minding his Cue, 203 Miser's Charity, 53 Mistake, A, 191 Mistaken Identity, 13 Model Philanthropist, A, 251 Modern Acting, 185 Modern Sculptor, A, 188 Modest, 46 Modest Merit, 75 Modest Request, 25 Money-Borrower Deceived, The, 306 Money-Lender, A, 217 Money Returned, 21 Money's Worth, 188 Money's Worth, 233, 262 Monster, A, 215 Moral Equality of Man, 93 More Honored in the Breach, 238 Mot of Defoe, 54 Motherly Remark, 233 Much Alike, 250 Multiplying One, 366 Musical Blow-up, A, 174 Musical Taste, 214 Mystery Cleared Up, A, 237 Nameless Man, A, 260 Napoleon's Statue at Boulogne, 128 Nat Lee and Sir Roger L'Estrange, 43 National Prejudice, 247 Native Wit, 35 Natural, 300 Natural Antipathy, 228 Natural Grief, 186 Natural Transmutation, 60 Nature and Art, 273 Naval Oratory, 117 Neat Quotation, A, 65 Neat Suggestion, A, 315 Neck or Nothing, 24 Neighborly Politeness, 296 New Disguise, A, 141 New Idea, A, 296 New Reading, A, 201, 271 New Relationship, 3, 317 New Scholar, A, 98 New Sign, A, 154 New Sport, A, 104 New view, A, 255 New Way to Pay Old Debts, 29 New Way with Attorneys, A, 352 Nice Distinction, A, 95, 112 Nice Language, 120 Nicknames, 265 Night and Morning, 170 Nil Nisi, &c., 166 No Harm Done, 2 No Intrusion, 323 No Joke, 253 No Judge, 173 No Matter what Color, 242 No Music in his Soul, 329 No Pride, 171 No Redeeming Virtue, 309 No Sacrifice, 261 Noise for Nothing, A, 167 Nominal Rhymes, 83 Non Compos 260 Non Sequitur, 57 "None so Blind," &c., 58 North, Lord, Asleep, 161 North's, Lord, Drollery, 241 Nosce te Ipsum, 243 Not at all Anxious, 324 Not at Home, 207 Not Finding Himself, 347 Not giving Himself "Airs", 305 Not Importunate, 236 Not Improbable, 308 Not Insured Against Fire, 186[Pg 383] Not Necessary, 228 Not Polite, 119 Not Quite Correct, 252 Not Right, 20 Not Room for a Neighbor, 339 Not Sick Enough for That, 273 Not so Bad for a King, 58 Not so "Daft" as Reputed, 321 Not so Easy, 106 Not to be Believed, 342 Not to be Bought, 68 Not to be Done Brown, 276 Not to be Tempted, 218 Not to be Trifled with, 87 Not True, 154 Not v. Nott, 35 Nothing but Hebrew, 266 Nothing but the "Bill", 12 Nothing Personal, 190 Nothing Surprising, 339 Nothing to Boast of, 313 Nothing to Laugh at, 199 Notice to Quit, 125 Notions of Happiness, 181 Novel Complaint, A, 8 Novel Idea, A, 112 Novel Offence, 45 Novelty, A, 66 Objectionable Process, A, 328 Ocular, 307 Odd Bird, An, 102 Odd Comparison, An, 40 Odd Family, An, 99 Odd Fellow, An, 68 Odd Foresight, 166 Odd Housekeeping, 225 Odd Humor, 324 Odd Notion, An, 277 Odd Occurrence, An, 242 Odd Question, An, 186 Odd Reason, 213 "Off with his Head", 337 Offensive Preference, 325 Old Adage Refuted, An, 314 Old Age, 162 Old Friends, 311 Old Joke, An, 112 Old Stories over Again, 52 Old Times, 128 Ominous, Very!, 213 On the Right Side, 40 On the Spot, 327 One Bite at a Cherry, 150 One Fault, 312 "One for his Nob", 9 One Good Turn Deserves Another, 7 One Head Better than a Dozen, 126 One-Sided Joke, A, 353 One-Spur Horseman, The, 255 One Thing at a Time, 210 One Thing Wanting, The, 7 Only a Ninepin, 317 Only Enough for One, 200 Only for Life, 304 Open Confession, 289 Openly, 326 Opposite Tempers, 281 Orators, The, 185 Oratory, 252 Order for Two, An, 82 Order! Order!, 123 Origin of the term Grog, 268 Original Attraction, An, 79 Orthography, 277 Our English Love of Dinners, 176 "Our Landlady",