Incidence Of Love: Demystified And Decoded - Santosh Jha (books to read for teens .TXT) 📗

both of us. Still, there are a few things, I need to see and find in my life-partner. We need to sit and talk over them. I accept that idealism is not readymade but there has to be some basic ingredients in a man and woman to hit the road to evolving together towards this idealism. Let us spare our best of time and space and invest on each other so that we could be assured of this ‘primary-chemistry’. If yes, we are there; if not, we shall happily wish each other the best in life as marriage must always be the union of two people, who can evolve together and hit the road to joys and prosperity together.’

The words are not important. Everyone can have his or her own choice of words but the sincerity of intent and artistry of open and compassionate communication is a must. Everyone must have this artistry of sincerely innocent communication to ensure that his or her desirability gets the best availability, for which he or she has the right compatibility.

Somehow, it is a humble but sad acceptance that in contemporary times, young men and women are not communicating well or, they are also not very sure as what is their own set of chosen compatibility. Recent surveys have suggested that most young men and women are marrying even when they are not sure –

What they want out of marriage and especially expect from their partners…

What they want to do in their lives and how marriage fits in into their larger scheme of life and living priorities…

Naturally, confused desirability, with inefficient communication lands young men and women in precarious availability. And as marriages are hitting precarious availability, the worst hit is the compatibility. Love’s labor lost is what sets it. Let this not happen...

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CHAPTER 11

Love Facilitates Cooperation and Accommodation to Attain

Primary and Common Aim of Collective Wellness…

Somehow, much against the happy wishes of we all, one thing, which always surrounds the term, ‘Relationships’ is the 3Ms – Mystical-Magical-Marvel. People complain, how tough it is to ‘comprehend’ a person! One person, who loved someone more than his or her life, happens to turn into someone, who actually kills and destroys…

Relationships, it seems to have been made for unmaking. How often, relationships end up with both sides having the common complaint – I never realized he/she was what he turned out to be!

Let us try to understand this complication with a metaphor.

We all have one common problem. When we visit a person, we are made to sit in a room of his or her house. Where we are made to sit is surely his or her house. But the reality is that we are in the living room of the house and this is only part of his or her house, not the full house. We can say, this room is very well his or her house but it is not his or her complete house. Sitting in this room, if I believe that I know his or her entire house then I am a big fool.

So, when we visit someone’s house, we actually often visit one ‘room’ of the many-roomed house. Though, we say, we visited his or her ‘house’.

Human personalities are also the same. We all are like houses, our personalities having different rooms for different purposes. We get associated to people in the society as one room of this house but never as one whole house. It is not even possible. I come to your house but you can make me sit only in one room, never in all rooms of your house simultaneously. This is some trouble, which cannot be done away with, ever, even if in wishful thinking!

I can say I visited your house but actually I visited only one room. We also ‘visit’ a person but meet only one small personality of his or her full persona. The problem is; we define this one room as whole house. So, I meet my beloved but this is only one small room of her ‘big house’; I mean her personality. If I say that I know my beloved inside out and that’s why I also know her whole personality completely, then I am stupid.

It is a difficult reality. Why talk about a visitor, it is your house but even you cannot live in all the rooms of your house at any given time. You actually live only in one room at a time. If you want to see your entire house, you cannot do it living inside it. You will have to come out of it and see it from a distance to get the picture of your whole house. Or, you ‘rise above’, to land at the roof to see the house in entirety. People usually do not even see their own personalities in full. How can they see other’s personalities in completeness and totality? But the fact remains that we all live in houses with many rooms.

So, what does it lead to? Should we all live in ‘one-room’ house or move out of the multi-room house to see it in totality? Well, we have options. It is entirely up to your discretion.

Your house is actually one single roof. Your architect has structured them by erecting walls to create different rooms for distinct purposes. You can choose to undo the walls and make the whole house one single room.

Or, you can make every single room – the room of innocence and this way the entire house will become a space of singular and uniform innocence.

Relationships are difficult, simply because we, our consciousnesses are also not simple mechanisms. Once we accept this hypothesis of split ‘self’, this ephemeral sense of ‘I’, we shall have better ease in accepting the complexities of relationships. That shall surely lead doors of larger wellness in relationships.

Human wellness and excellence has always been in understanding the complexities of life and living and when people ready themselves for love and intimate relationship, they need to be in high acceptance mode of the relativity of mind consciousnesses and cognitive diversities. Love is this magical artistry to do so. How?

Someone said it, “I can find thousands of ways to stand you wrong and myself right and you can find thousand plus logic to do the same. However, both of us can be right at the same time and still not find any reasonable wrong if we are in love.” What does this signify?

There can be as many interpretation of the statement as per different people’s perception. Realism, almost always stands as one shade of perception, in somehow competitive mode to other perceptions. Therefore realisms are seldom the same for two people. So, does this mean, when two people are in love, they can see and accept a singular realism as they have commonality of perceptions?

This sounds like a postulation based on emotional hypothesis with little logical back up! However, the core issue is not about having commonality of perceptions and therefore falling for a singular realism. Nobody should accept that love makes two people in intimacy see and accept a common perception. It may happen but is not the cardinal rule or theory of love.

Then, what the above-mentioned quote meant? How does it happen that two people can be both right at the same time and not see each other’s wrong, when in love, even when they still stand to have different perceptions about a realism? This needs to be understood and that understanding makes us accept as how love should be accepted in our lives and why love is so important life-living realism for all of us.

There is a popular example about lives of a group of people, who work together in a selected milieu. This is about mariners, who live together for 7-8 months on a 300-meter ship and most mariners accept that they have great fun and camaraderie when together. This is all about perceptions and core need of survival, for which our brains are wired.

The mariners are a small group of people on a very limited space and they are living their lives in a tough situation at sea, where every single day, there are so many challenges. Each person on the ship has to be in tune with others to ensure that the ship sails safely and they reach their destinations in time and good shape. Therefore, everyone is in a mindset of accommodation and cooperation for a common cause. This is core hypothesis.

There may be people with competing perceptions and ideas, still, they keep aside their differences and accept an accommodative and assimilative behavior and action, as only this can ensure not only his safety but also that of the ship. This then ensures wellness of all. This behavior is common for people working in mines, factories and other professions where life is at stake if cooperation and accommodation is not the primary instinct. The common goal of survival rises above all personal concerns and the road to mutuality is paved.

Love facilitates this similar sense of cooperation and accommodation. The person in love ceases to think individually and his or her first instinct becomes a mindset where collective wellness is the primary and common aim. Usually, we all think of individual safety and wellness. However, often, life-living wellness needs cooperation and accommodation in collective living. Love enhances the space of cooperation and accommodation in the collective domain of two lives in intimacy. Therefore, even when two persons in love have competing perceptions and ideas about things, they do not bring it to the fore as their primary aim is collective wellness. The ‘He’ and ‘She’ in love accept that if ‘She’ is not well, ‘He’ too cannot feel happy and well and the vice-versa. This primary instinct for collective wellness is the magic of love.

Therefore, as the above-mentioned quote states, love makes people agreeable, harmonious, cooperative and accommodative as the instinctive behavior and action shifts from individualistic wellness and satisfaction to collective wellness and joys. But this is just the first step. Lovers need to evolve together for good amount of time for this instinct of individualism to shift to collective accommodation and become primary one.

Gradually, as commonality and mutuality grows and evolves in time and space, the two people in love even start having common singular perceptions and that finally makes them see and accept singular realism of all things in life. This is fruition of love and intimacy.

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CHAPTER 12

Equanimity of Consciousness To ‘Unlearn’ Abstractions and

Illusions of Subconscious Mind In Love and Life-Living Choices…

In the contemporary age and milieu of information-obesity, media-overdose and ever-competing markets as well as politics jostling to sneak in ‘manipulated’ information to tilt the ‘perceptions’ of average person in their favor, it is tough to attain and keep in constant possession one single thing – the Equanimity of Consciousness…!

Consciousness is defined as ‘emergent intangible information processing of multiverse of varied information by the brain, supplied by sensory and other routes from the milieus. Naturally, when there is massive over-flow of information; that too a heady mix of conflicting, competing and confusing information, the conscious mind is in mega flux. This is the situation apt for the subconscious mind to generate such perceptions, which are abstract and illusory – far away from realism and objective logic… Why?

Science says – Conscious mind has its limitations in storing memory because, if subconscious mind is the size of a football field, conscious mind is only akin to the small goalpost. Naturally, when there is over-flow of information, most daily information is automatically assigned to the subconscious mind for storage. The conscious mind can process only limited information, useful only for immediate action-behavior requirements.

It is like, if we over-eat; body stores its extra calories in the form of fat in torso. The ‘information-obesity’ causes the extra info to store as ‘fat’ in subconscious mind domain. Over the period, if these ‘fatty-information’ in subconscious mind is not recalled for conscious decision-making, these information