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Do you know how that makes me feel? Like a 7 year old on Christmas" I give him a big hug. I love this man. He looks tired and stressed he tells me that he couldn't sleep. He thought I was going to be against the idea.

I'm so busy planning the wedding I even forgot about Zweli. I walk to the car he's still sleeping. I wake him up. He'll sleep in my room. I walk to Momo's house she's talking to someone on the phone. I can't really hear what she's saying because she's speaking rapidly in Setswana. She speaks IsiZulu so fluent I even forget that she's Tswana. I leave, I'm sure she'll come to my house when she sees the car with a KZN number plate. I'm in the kitchen cooking when my family arrives. They tell me how good I look.

"You have this glow. I hope you're pregnant" grandma comments. I don't think I'm ready for a kid. An hour later I wake Zweli up he takes a quick shower then we head out to eat. Momo is all smiles especially when my aunts call her makoti. It's so nice seeing her this happy.

*

"How long are you staying?"

"I'm not sure. I'll ask Zweli" my dad nods at that. We join the rest of the family outside. It'll take time for us to accept mkhulu's absence in our lives. But wherever he is, I hope he's smiling down on us. We spend the whole day preparing for the wedding. My grandma and Zweli get along so well. She's forever laughing when she's with him. My aunt the one who moved back with gogo called a week prior telling me that grandma is not herself. It's like she also died the day mkhulu did. She hardly smiles let alone laugh. The last time she heard her laugh was when Zweli came to fetch me.

"Baba I forgot to tell you. Remember the old man I helped 3 or 4 years back? Zweli is one of his grandsons" and I go on to tell them how I found out and what happened but I leave the finger cutting part out.

It's been a great weekend but we need to head home. It's always sad when I leave but I'll be back in 2 weeks. Zweli decides to drive this time. On our way, I get a call from Sunshine Publishers they want me to come for an assessment on Wednesday. I hope I get this job. When we get home. Zweli tells me that he's meeting Ayanda and Melusi again. He wants me to go with him. I'm tired from all the travelling and I'm not in the mood for Mandy.

Ten minutes later he tells me they decided to come over. Great and now I have to play polite host.

They get here almost 2 hours later they find us in the kitchen cooking. And Mandy goes on to tell us how Ayanda took cooking classes just to impress her. Doesn't she stop? Sidingo is rather quiet.

"What's up?"

"I'm just stressed about the exams"

"Oh shit that's the part I don't miss about school". We talk about school she's doing her last year in criminal law. At least someone is going to represent us. Mandy goes on to talk about her qualifications again.

"The last exam you wrote in high school?"

"Actually my wife here is a BA Literature graduate" Zweli tells her with a huge grin and she looks shocked. This girl should stop looking down on people. We eat after they are done discussing business.

"Ayanda you're a great guy and all but I can't stand your only wife. She's arrogant and annoying. Next time you have your meetings please count me out" I tell them when we are done eating. Zweli frowns and Ayanda looks embarrassed but he nods anyway.

 

                              **

So I got the job, and I decided to celebrate after 9 months of searching, I finally got something. Zweli has been offish lately. I thought he was going to be happy for me but he’s not. He avoids me most of the time. He sleeps in one of the guest rooms downstairs. Now that I don’t have a problem with sleeping in the same bed as him he sleeps in another room. Just 2 days ago I asked him if I did anything wrong. He just stared at me until I decided to leave. It’s clear he doesn’t want me here so I’ll leave.

“I watched the video 2 weeks back” Zweli tells his mom and brothers.

“What video” his mom asks.

“The one Thami sent me”

“You still have that video bro?” Sizwe asks and judging from his tone he sounds angry.

“Why are you telling us” his mom asks

“Because I can’t do this anymore”

“Do what?”

“I can’t stay married to Zekhethelo. The fact that someone else slept with her makes me sick”

“You know she was drugged right?”

“I don’t know what to believe” I decide to go out. I can’t listen to this conversation. I’m the one who deserves to be angry. I’m the one who was kidnapped because of someone else’s sins. I’m the one who was forced into marriage, raped, miscarried, kidnapped, drugged and raped.

I decide to go look for an affordable place. My money is running out and I can’t ask my dad for money. I use the internet to search for affordable places and I end up choosing a back room. I’ll look for a flat when I can afford the furniture. I don’t start at work until January. And it’s September. In 10 days’ time I’m turning 25 and I have nothing to show for it. This is not how I planned my life. I walk back to Zweli’s house.

“They say we have to wait 24 hours” Sizwe announces when I walk in.

“Where have you been? You had us worried” Mpumelelo asks. So stupid of me to wish Zweli would say that.

“I went to look for a place to stay”

“Why?” Sizwe asks frowning.

“I heard what Zweli said this morning” and then I turn to him “Please give me 2 more days then I’ll be out” he doesn’t say anything. I walk to his bedroom to pack my stuff. I hope I get all the furniture in time. The coming 2 days are going to be the hardest.

My alarm rings at 6am. I take a bath and I take a taxi to town. I spend almost 3 hours at second hand furniture shops. I buy a 2 seater cream white couch, a wardrobe, fridge and a bed. Then I go to other furniture store to buy 2 plate stove, kettle and some pots. I’ll buy groceries later. The goods are delivered at my new place. I decide to buy everything today and fetch my stuff later today. I buy groceries. Gosh I don’t know when was the last time I bought groceries. At 3 in the afternoon I’m done. This is the part I’m not looking forward to, so I decide to sleep at my new place. I wake up at 7am the next day. I take a bath then I take a taxi to Zweli’s house.

“Where have you been? We almost called national security. Your phone was off” Zweli’s mom comments as soon as I open the door. I see almost everyone sitting in the kitchen looking tired, but I don’t see Zweli.

“I decided to move out yesterday. I’m sorry my battery died and I left my charger here”. I walk to Zweli’s bedroom and my heart sinks when I see my clothes in black plastic bags. I guess this is it. I take all the plastics to the rented car outside the gate. I will sort through everything when I get to my backroom. I want to send back the stuff Zweli and his family bought me.

“Please don’t leave like this” Zweli’s mom stops me crying.

“Please don’t make this hard for me” I force back the tears.

“You can move in with me while you work things out with Zweli”

“Zweli made it clear that he wants me out of here and out of his life.”

“Don’t say that”

“It’s true. It looks like you guys are the only ones who didn’t sleep while he did. I’m the one who was kidnapped and raped because of him. I’m the one who should be angry but I decided to forgive and forget. And what do I get in return. This kind of treatment. I can’t stay here or with any of you. Zweli has made his decision and I also made mine. I wish you guys all the best” I turn to leave. Mrs. Khumalo wails, but I have to go.

The End

Oh no but it’s not. I’ll start with book 2 right away.

Hope you enjoyed the book. Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imprint

Text: Hlengiwe Mathebula
Images: Hlengiwe Mathebula designed using Canva
Cover: Canva
Editing: Hlengiwe Mathebula
Translation: Hlengiwe Mathebula
Layout: Hlengiwe Mathebula
Publication Date: 10-30-2018

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