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me breakfast.

She tells me stories probably to help me take my mind off things and Iā€™m grateful for that. But I canā€™t really take my mind off things now can I? She tells me about her family. Sheā€™s a great story teller. I donā€™t say much and it doesnā€™t look like she expects me to say anything. I enjoy her stories. Before we know it, itā€™s supper time and Zweli walks in. He doesnā€™t say anything he just eats and type on his phone the whole time. I feel like getting up, but I canā€™t. MaShezi, the old maid, has been very sweet. The least I can do is sit down and finish the food. After eating, I help her wash the dishes. She didnā€™t want to but I insisted, I had to buy time, maybe Zweli will be sleeping when I get to the bedroom.

                        *****

ā€œZekhethelo, you have a visitorā€ maShezi announces when she walks in.

Flip I forgot that Iā€™m meeting Zwelibanziā€™s mom. We met on my wedding day but it was brief. She promised to take me out so we can get to know each other. I quickly make the bed and I wear a long white dress and black sandals. I walk downstairs and I find her sitting on the couch at the parlour. She must be in her 50ā€™s but she looks 20. Sheā€™s dressed to the nines. Sheā€™s wearing a gold knee length dress with black heels. Even her greying hair looks good on her. I donā€™t smile much since I got here but her smile is contagious as soon as she smiles at me, I smile back.

ā€œYou look beautifulā€ she tells me smiling. She looks super beautiful. She walks over to hug me. Iā€™m getting emotional. My mom has never hugged me and I feel dirty not beautiful. She tells me we can leave. I look forward to going out.

ā€œSuch a beautiful carā€ I tell her when I see her red Range Rover. My God, I canā€™t believe Iā€™m going to ride in this car. Itā€™s one of my many dream cars. She thanks me with a sweet smile. She seems sweet. I just hope she enjoys my company and visa verse. Thirty minutes later, weā€™re at a mall.

ā€œI never really bought you a wedding present. So I was hoping weā€™d do that together so that I buy something you likeā€

This woman must be very wealthy, she paid for almost everything for my wedding and now this? I start to shake my head but she insists. I donā€™t want to take advantage. We keep going in and out of stores. When I eye something, itā€™s on her basket. I always wished I had a life like that. Iā€™m not really poor but I had bills and fees to pay. Getting a bursary is not as easy as people say. And the workshop is not always busy. Sometimes, Iā€™d be at home for almost a month, no client. But then again life has never been easy, especially for me. Now that we are done buying, we head to the food court.

ā€œWhere would like to eat?ā€ she asks me.

ā€œSpurā€ I reply shyly. I hope sheā€™ll let me settle the bill.

We head to Spur and this other guy keeps checking her out, itā€™s so embarrassing. Sheā€™s not even giving him any attention, she must be used to this. I enjoy my steak and chips and she goes for a burger instead. We are quiet the whole time. I donā€™t speak when Iā€™m eating. When itā€™s time for dessert Iā€™m super full. I wasnā€™t even hungry but I didnā€™t want to come across as rude so I ate. After a long and beautiful day, I need to go back to Zweliā€™s place. So not looking forward to that, but I have no choice otherwise my dad is next with me watching. Even during the rape he kept telling me that.

Zweliā€™s mom drops me off and leaves, I wish I could go with her but I drag my feet and Iā€™m greeted by Zweli. He doesnā€™t say anything, so I also ignore him.

Weā€™re sitting at the kitchen and talking about maSheziā€™s family when 2 guys walk in. They look so much like Zweli. MaShezi walks to them with a very big smile on her face. They greet each other.

ā€œThis is Zekhetheloā€ she introduces me.

ā€œIā€™m Mpumelelo, Zweliā€™s big brother and this is Sizwe, our little brother. So nice to finally meet youā€ he smiles and pulls me into a hug. He sounds sweet. Sizwe also comes forward to hug. Itā€™s supper time and Zweli is nowhere to be found, so his brothers talk me into having supper with them. I join them, they seem nice. They smile all the time, I wish I could say the same about their brother. Throughout the conversation, I find that Sizwe and I have a lot in common.

We love books, both reading and writing. Heā€™s a Journalism graduate. Zweli is a business and marketing graduate then Mpumelelo is a dentist. Their mom must be very proud.

ā€œHave you started applying for a job?ā€ Sizwe asks me.

ā€œNot yet, I just needed to take a break. Studying and working can be hard. Sometimes I had to work till very lateā€

ā€œOh youā€™re a workaholic just like your husband. He works ungodly hours that one. He wonā€™t rest even when mom insistsā€ Mpumelelo tells me smiling. I smile back, they must think their brother and I love each other. We continue talking until 10PM, I decide to go to bed. Iā€™m waken up by someone ripping my clothes. I scream.

ā€œScream all you want but this room is sound proofā€ he tells me taking his clothes off. I close my eyes because I know what heā€™s about to do. I just hope I get through all of this. And when heā€™s done, he walks to the bathroom, leaving me crying, even when I promised myself that I wouldnā€™t. When heā€™s done he walks back.

ā€œGo clean yourself upā€ he commands. I get off and walk to the bathroom, I lock myself and I scrub myself not without crying. I mustā€™ve been here longer. When he tells me to get to bed, I quickly dry myself, clean the tub and walk over. I toss and turn I canā€™t sleep and heā€™s snoring.

I keep thinking about my dad so that I can stop myself from running away. I donā€™t fall asleep until after he leaves at 5am. I wake up when someone shakes me. Itā€™s maShezi.

ā€œYou have a delivery.ā€ Me? A delivery from who? I ask her to sign for it, Iā€™ll be downstairs soon. She looks at me funny, opens her mouth to say something but decides against it. She says okay and walks out. I bath and make the bed. Thirty minutes later, I open the box. I smile when I see my basic tools.

ā€œThought you might need these. Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t attend the wedding, as you know my wife is sick.ā€ Moses.

Moses is the original owner of the workshop, I smile. I send him a thank you text before I forget to. This is so thoughtful of him. At least I can fix cars to keep my mind off things. I donā€™t know where to put my tools. I decide to put them next to the items Zweliā€™s mom bought me. I still need to unpack.

I walk to the kitchen, Zweli and his brothers are here. They are busy tickling Sizwe and they are laughing so hard. Zweli seems happy and carefree if I were to tell people that he killed my boyfriend and raped me twice, theyā€™d think Iā€™m lying. Iā€™m hungry, so I was hoping Iā€™d make breakfast without bothering maShezi or any of the maids. I rummage through the cupboards, with as little noise as possible. I just make myself 8 slices of bread with butter and cheese. When Iā€™m done, I wash the plate.

ā€œDear child, you shouldā€™ve told me youā€™re hungryā€ an old woman I havenā€™t seen before walks towards me.

ā€œNo itā€™s okay. I donā€™t mindā€.

ā€œCan I use your phone? I need to call the mechanic my tyre is flat. I swear someone is trying to stop me from spending my time off with my familyā€ maShezi walks in smiling at Zweli whoā€™s also grinning like an idoit.

ā€œIā€™ll helpā€ I tell her. She looks shocked and shakes her head no.

ā€œThis is the mechanic, I was telling you aboutā€ Zweli tells them smiling. This is the first time Iā€™ve seen him smile. Is it pride that I hear ? Or maybe not.

ā€œYou lieā€ says Sizwe smiling. I donā€™t hear Zwelisā€™ answer because Iā€™m heading to maSheziā€™s car. Ten minutes later Iā€™m done. Zweli and his brothers are smiling from ear to ear with their eyes almost popping out of their socket.

They seem pretty close, but come to think of it. I didnā€™t see them at the wedding. Maybe they arenā€™t so close. We say our goodbyes to maShezi and we go back to the house. Zweli heads upstairs leaving me with his brothers again. They are still in shock.

ā€œShake it off guysā€ I tell them smiling. They are sweet, I just hope I get along with them. We just sit and chitchat almost the whole day until their stomachs rumble. I miss cooking. I decide to go cook. I cook simple food. Rice with chicken stew. Almost 2 hours later, Iā€™m done. I ask everyone to dish up for themselves. Sizwe calls Zweli to tell him to come down food is ready. When he gets here we all start to dig in.

ā€œI was told that you still havenā€™t changed the chequeā€ Zweli tells me.

ā€œShit the chequeā€

Shit the cheque. Why do I keep forgetting?

ā€œYes the chequeā€ he replies in a bored tone.

I tell him I always forget to. After eating I wash the dishes before I head to bed.

*

ā€œHave you started applyingā€ Sizwe asks when he walks in the kitchen.

ā€œYes, Iā€™m busy with thatā€ I reply. He wishes me luck and he makes breakfast for everyone including me. I smile at him and I eat. I feel very tired. I excuse myself and I head to bed.

                        *

For the first time since I got here. I had a good night sleep. Thatā€™s probably because Zweli didnā€™t come to bed last night. I shower, make the bed and head downstairs. I find the guys in the kitchen, Mpumelelo is making breakfast. They are talking and laughing like yesterday. Thereā€™s so much food and I notice the guys hardly eat. Zweli and Mpumelelo eat 3 slices and Sizwe 2 while I eat half the loaf.

ā€œThe food was deliciousā€ I tell Mpumelelo.

ā€œBut youā€™re a great cookā€ he replies with a smile. I canā€™t help but smile back. My phone pings, itā€™s an email. I applied for more than 5 editing internships around Durban. I didnā€™t get the any of the jobs. Itā€™s sad but I have hope. I mean my results should speak for me. Zweli leaves right after breakfast. He doesnā€™t say a word to me. But then again we were never in love so I just sit there and watch TV the whole day.

I must have been tired because I fell asleep while watching TV. And I have been sleeping for more than 5 hours because when I look at the time, itā€™s 5 in the afternoon. I need water so I walk to the kitchen. I find Zweli cooking and his brothers are arguing over something. I walk over to the tap, after drinking water I walk back to the couch. Soon supper is ready. We are eating, rice, fried fish and gravy. WOW, even my dad is not this good. When I tell him the food is delicious he just nods. I just continue eating. Maybe I annoy him. After eating I head to bed but Iā€™m afraid tonight is not my lucky night. Zweli walks in, walks over to me rips my underwear and rapes me. Like always he walks to the bathroom, takes a shower, he

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