Brain on Porn (Social #1) - DeYtH Banger (uplifting book club books .txt) 📗

us girls about it openly and honestly. It hurt to understand what I was doing to myself but it was just what I needed to understand I really needed to change.

 

After this realization, it still took me a while to understand I could not beat this alone. My family relationships had always been rocky so I turned to a trusted leader. I remember him telling me that I would always be tempted by porn but if I could really work at it, those feelings would grow smaller and smaller. This actually inspired me. It wasn’t rainbows and sunshine—it was real hope. He became my accountability partner and we met regularly to review my progress. He always believed that I could change and he helped me to believe it myself.

 

The biggest help to me was my fateful run in with The Fortify Program. I had somehow found out about Fight The New Drug online and so it was always all over my Facebook feed. But what really started a new change in me was when FTND posted something about their Fortify Program, specifically designed to help teenagers all around the world like me escape the strangling hands of pornography. I signed up for admission and was accepted. The Fortify Program was absolutely amazing for me. It was exactly what I had been looking for to help me. It shared so many new bits of information I had never seen and it gave great analogies about the harmful effects of pornography. It had a setback/victory calendar that could be filled out daily and any setbacks could be marked with a how, where, what time, to help you know when I was most vulnerable. One thing I loved that might not mean much to others but was encouraging to me was that the marker colors for a setback is pink and a victory is blue. This is something I loved because it wasn’t red and green simply representing “bad” and “good.” This let me know that I wasn’t just passing and failing but that i was slowly and surely recovering. It was a more subtle message that was powerful for me. It may seem like a small thing, but for me, it made a huge impact.

 

The Fortify Program talked me through new ideas for how to deal with temptation. It gave detailed information about the addiction cycle (talk about mind blown) and it gave places for me to write about my experiences and what I thought about what was being said. If you reached a certain goal, you got a new badge to motivate you to keep trying and keep doing better. To sum it all up, I love The Fortify Program. Without it, my recovery would not have been anywhere near as rapid or permanent.

 

 

It was a long couple of years. I had a lot of setbacks. I wanted to cry a lot of the time. I wanted to give up so many times. I wanted to be done with the struggle and just finally be free. But as difficult as it was in those times, my hope, my accountability partner, and Fortify kept me going. I am proud to say that it I am nearly one year porn free. I have been able to crawl most of the way out of a deep depression that I had throughout my addiction, and my relationships with the people around me have gotten much stronger.

If you or someone you know is addicted to pornography and needs help getting free, the first thing you need to know is that it is tough. Ending an addiction to pornography is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. But the temporary satisfaction of seeing a picture on the computer screen is absolutely nothing compared to the freedom of being able to choose something productive, fun, and social. It is worth it to have a boyfriend or girlfriend who loves you for you, and not because he/she just wants to try something he/she saw in porn. It is worth it to be able to control your emotions around your family and friends, rather than feeling angry or depressed all the time. It is worth it to not feel the need to lock yourself in a room so you and your computer screen can have some privacy. It is worth it because lasting happiness does not come from a screen, and it does not come from viewing fake sex from strangers. I promise you, it is worth it to escape pornography.

 

Pornography harms. Porn kills love. I know it from personal experience and I would never go back.

Thank you FTND and Fortify for helping me to change my life for the better.

 

 

Recovery Gets Difficult Sometimes; Here’s How To Handle It

 

 

Whenever we begin something new—whether it’s a new school semester, a new job, or a new relationship—it’s easy to feel excited and gung ho.

 

Then life happens! As time passes, feelings of newness naturally go away, excitement can settle, and other feelings can arise—including feelings we don’t always like. School can start to get hard or boring, a new job can start to feel dull, and a relationship can get challenging as two people figure out how (and whether) to love each other when the initial excitement starts to fade.

Something similar can happen while moving through your own change process. By now, you may have spent some real time making progress as part of the Fortify community—assuming you haven’t been rushing too fast! Maybe you felt some excitement as you started Fortify.

 

As you’ve learned new things about the brain, tried out new practices and strategies and created your own Freedom Plan, we’ve also talked repeatedly about the many reasons for hope in what lies ahead for you. But what do you think?  Is any of this stuff really going to matter and make a longer-term difference? It’s worth talking about. As the newness of what you’ve heard dies away, what will all of this mean—really mean—for your life?

 

Let’s talk about that a little: the messy, frustrating, up-and-down parts of this journey we’re on together. After years of this struggle, someone might look at Fortify and think, “Do these people know how incredibly hard it is just to start turning away from this stuff? Do they realize I still can hardly go a week—even a day—without using?”

 

Maybe you’ve tried STAR or Urge Surfing and haven’t quite been able to get them down.  And you’re still having a tough time. If that’s where you’re at, then listen up: we—the people behind Fortify—know what you’re going through. We know what this is like for you; not only from reading books, but also from our own lives.

 

What this means is we are not naive about how hard this can be for you. We absolutely realize how difficult it can be to move even just a few steps in the right direction! That’s why we’re not saying, “Just try harder and this will all go away,” or “Just finish Fortify and your life will be changed instantly!” We understand that freedom takes time.

 

Remember that celebration at the beginning as you started Fortify for the first time? Those celebrations need to continue each time you take even a small step forward. And when you fall back?  Well the very next moment can be different – a whole new moment.  The real celebration will come a year from now, three years from now, and ten years from now, when you will see the results of all your smaller steps now.  

 

If your desire to stop viewing porn is small and inconsistent today, don’t worry. It can grow. If you’re streaks of victory are erratic, keep your chin up.  That’s how we all start.  And that’s why we’re doing this together. Trust the practices and ideas we’re exploring together. And trust the process.  

It sounds cliché, but don’t try to fight tomorrow’s battles today. Take it one moment at a time.

 

 

Note: People won't come in home and say... "Yo bro... come over in my place and we can chat."

Most cases they say "I am pretty busy", "I can't now.."... "Talk to you later..."

...

And in the day finishes and what we have in our pockets ... #Nothing.

...

They never call... they always have a reason to explain themself... and to protect their bold heads.

...


If start caring... stress is what next is going to happen in our mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning To Live In A Porn-Filled World

 

 

For tough moments in this fight, we explore different kinds of practices to help ground yourself, let urges pass and get back up again. In some cases, however, something even simpler may be all you need—you can learn to simply turn away.

You heard us right! When something triggering comes into our line of sight—especially out of the blue—what about getting good at that ninja skill of turning away—or what some people call “bouncing the eyes.”   

 

In Greek mythology, monsters like Medusa were feared because their powers paralyzed and petrified anyone who gazed upon them directly. In spite of Medusa’s reputation, people were so awestruck by her appearance that they said, “Oh, well I’ll be alright if I just look at her …a little bit.”

 

In a similar way, people seeking freedom often allow themselves a gray zone where they flirt with just-a-little sexualized material in magazines, or on TV, or different general websites.

 

Setting Some Guidelines

 

This isn’t about getting fearful or beating on ourselves when we’re not perfect.  But it is about setting our sights higher and adopting a zero-tolerance mindset. This means getting serious about learning to bounce your eyes.

What does that mean? Well, you know all those small moments, when something “technically non-pornographic” comes up? Instead of letting the eyes linger, what if we learned to literally bounce our eyes away from what we don’t want to see?

As simple as it sounds, this skill can be honed, polished and refined as a killer move powerful enough to cut porn off at the pass.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

For most people, this does take some real practice.  Sometimes it can be helpful to say something out loud, like “Nope, not gonna happen” or “Not what I want”. Or, you can choose a physical gesture that is an outward reminder of what you really want— like putting your hand up, moving your head, or closing your eyes— anything to help reaffirm your resolve to turn away.

Try thinking of your mind like a stage. There can only one main act at a time, and you’re the director, off stage, running the show.  You may not always get to decide what thoughts and images go up on stage at first, but if you don’t like it, you don’t have to sit back and watch. You decide what you’ll entertain and what you’ll applaud on the stage of your mind— and what gets booed off in a hurry!

There’s a Chinese Proverb that says, “You can’t stop a bird from flying over your head but you don’t have to let it build a nest in your hair!” It’s the difference between having a thought or image that comes up in the mind (which is not a choice) and focusing and dwelling on it— which is a choice!

 

So give it a try:  Will you get consumed and stew over something, or just let it pass?

It Is Never Too Late To Turn Away

 

Even if you find yourself moving toward the addiction cycle, remember that you can catch yourself and turn away at multiple choice-points along the way. Even right before using, many people describe a moment where there’s a little space inviting you to go in another direction— a final “turn back” point.  Watch for it, it’s always there!

 

And when you succeed in really turning away, it’s time to celebrate!  Each time that happens, you’re laying a new pathway in the brain— and a new powerful habit in your life.

 

So in other words, even one moment of turning away should be seen for what it is:  Big news! You might even track this as part of your progress:  How many times was I able to turn away today, this week, this month?

No Matter What, Don’t