Brain on Porn (Social #1) - DeYtH Banger (uplifting book club books .txt) 📗

dark and back again—leading both your brain and behavior in a certain direction over time.

 If that’s true, then maybe freedom won’t necessarily come all at once, although it can happen that way for some. While staying open to exciting shifts, these insights about the brain and body can invite us to stay patient in the change process and encourage us to welcome small, gradual changes as part of our journey to eventually reaching lasting freedom.

 

Where Are You On The Addiction Spectrum?

 

Rather than only asking “Do I have an addiction?”, the better question is, “How deep of a habit have I formed?” Or “where am I on this addiction spectrum?”  

One way to answer that is to ask, “how long have I been using pornography – a couple of months, a year, multiple years?”  Obviously, that has an impact on the depth of the habit.

 

Another thing to ask yourself is “how often do I turn to porn – occasionally, regularly or frequently?”

For some people, they may go a long while – even months, without turning to porn – but eventually, they go back to it. We would call those occasional users. Other, more regular, users may have a hard time staying away for a month. By comparison, frequent users may turn to porn multiple times a week—and on a more compulsive level. 

 

At this most intense level, the pattern becomes “addictive” or what the medical field calls “dependency,” which is an irresistible  compulsion that takes priority over almost everything else in life.

 

There Is Hope

 

No matter how strong of a habit, realize this: there’s a way out. Fortify has been designed with this broad spectrum of struggle in mind—from milder to stronger levels of intensity. And whatever the details, we’re going to do everything we can to help you create a plan unique to your own situation—gathering together everything that may possibly help you, specifically, move towards freedom.    

No matter the details, one thing we probably all have in common is knowing how it feels to be controlled and driven by an outside force. Even if the label of “addiction” doesn’t apply, getting completely away from this stuff can be frustrating and even feel impossible at times.

So what do you say? Have you ever joined a rebellion? Are you with us?

 You make the call. If you’re in, we’re ready!

 

 

Level Up: The Quest For A Porn-Free Life

 

 

One thing we’ve noticed in some people trying to get away from porn is a kind of fearful, tense, anxious mindset— a tendency to constantly be watching out for triggers and stay scared of urges.

Although this kind of vigilance is understandable, but any kind of a constant, chronic tension can be exhausting, and it may even push us right back into the problem.

What if there were a way to face and overcome pornography without so much anxiety or emotional burden? What if there were a way to approach recovery in an entirely different way?

Research has shown that “gamifying” a tough challenge can change it in surprising ways. Instead of only viewing recovery as a heavy burden, we can take a fresh view of our situation as a real-life, mysterious adventure. Rather than some boring program to “get through”, maybe we could see this as the ultimate challenge— the Quest for a Porn-free Life.

This might sound crazy— but hear us out.

 

1. Embrace Challenges and Quests

 

One unique thing about a game is that rather than getting flustered by a challenge, we embrace it. In the face of a difficult challenge we might usually avoid, the game draws us into another mindset— one where we can face the obstacle head-on.

If that sounds weird in real life, that’s because it is, at least compared to how we usually think about hard things. What if we approached our own challenges like the next intriguing level of a new video game— just another exciting quest ahead of us?

Even when things look bleak in a game, there’s always a larger vision that carries you forward, something bigger that reminds you that life’s not over and there is no reason to be hopeless when a big challenge hits us.

Instead, the difficulty of a particular day can push you forward, and make you even more determined to fight until victory is achieved.

 

2. Find and Battle the Bad Guys

 

Bad guys are really what makes a good video game— even while making the game challenging. In real life, “bad guys” may trigger urges, decrease our strength to resist or get in the way of continued growth and well-being.

One person said that every time he ate junk food, he felt vulnerable. Another admitted that when she’s physically exhausted and not sleeping well, her defenses are easily overcome. For a third individual, getting consumed in the daily news led him into a vulnerable place.

What are your bad guys? Overworking? Staying up late? Eating tons of sugar? Watching lots of TV? Reading news for too long? Too much work? Too little work? Getting angry, depressed, or anxious?

While it’s true we sometimes talk about Porn itself as the Enemy, think of these things as the minions or storm troopers that effectively drag us back into battle.

 

3. Collect and Activate Power-Ups

 

Anyone serious about beating their mortal enemy needs more than guts and courage. This means looking around for anything we can do – even and especially on our worst days.

For some, this could include getting better sleep, or having a killer meal or an uplifting conversation with a friend. For others, it could mean a bit of meditation, time in a book or praying. Still for others, engaging in one of their passions or hobbies does the trick.

Be on the look-out for power-ups in the days and months ahead. Like most games, your ultimate victory in this fight might depend on getting replenished – over and over again!

 

4. Find and recruit your allies

 

Without allies, all gamers know how crazy impossible it would be to slay the dragon or beat the end-level dude. In ‘real life,’ that is no less true, with victory often just-as-dependent on gathering around us people who understand the challenges we’re facing and “have our back.”

What do we mean by allies? These are confidantes – insiders who will assist you in this journey. Allies give you information – and power-ups. Allies rally to support you. Allies back you up.

Anyone who loves and supports you generally can be a great ally. And you can decide how much allies know. Check out the ally feature that helps facilitate communication with your allies – and provides updates so they can follow your progress and know how you’re doing.

So be on the lookout for allies right for you – people you trust to share what you need, and what would be most helpful to you, personally.

 

How This Can Help In Recovery

 

Remember, only boring and meaningless quests that are accomplished in a few days with little effort.The truly life-changing ones usually take time, and they take all you can give.

By changing your perspective and looking at recovery as the next game to be figured out and completed, you will be much better equipped to conquer the challenges involved. Setbacks will become a new level to be conquered, triggers will turn into bad guys to be taken down, and allies will turn into your trusty sidekicks, helping you every step of the way. By “gamifying” the recovery process, you can completely revolutionize your path to freedom.

So what are you waiting for? Your new high score awaits.

 

 

 

Why Life Is Better Without Porn

 

 

When we spend a lot of time viewing pornography, we often rationalize why we can’t afford to stop. We say, “It calms and soothes me”, or “It helps me deal with my problems better”. We think that a life without porn would be unmanageable, overly stressful, or emotionally exhausting.

 

But is that really true? Let’s take a closer look at what porn actually gives us in the moment. When we try to avoid our stress or negative feelings through pornography, those feelings are multiplied and worsened. And when we try to cope with feelings of shame or loneliness, porn further isolates us from the people we love the most.

‘But wait,’ others might say — ‘this really does feel good in the moment. No matter what happens later, we turn to it because of what we get in the moment’.

 

Let’s talk about that for a minute – because it’s true that in the moment, there is an immediate relief that can come as the craving is ‘satisfied.’ Like a smoker puffing a cigarette, they take a deep breath…”ahh. I can relax.”

And some would argue that it’s that very moment of relief that can drive both a smoker and a porn user to keep using for years: ‘Hey, this is how I relax. This is doing something for me.’

Allen Carr, a key figure in the Stop Smoking world, tells people who smoke, “There is nothing legitimate that a cigarette is doing for you at all. The apparent ‘relief’ is only a masking of feelings— pushing them away in a way that complicates them. You are walking away from nothing valuable”.

 

Could this same insight help us kick the porn habit for good? What if the “relief” and “stimulation” we often see porn providing was only really distracting us from other things happening — like a mirage covering up the fact that it is making your life harder.

There is a lot more going on in the moment than just “relief”. Beneath the stimulation happening in the body, we are wreaking literal havoc in our mind, body, and relationships — deadening the heart, numbing the body, and alienating relationships.

Pornography is doing absolutely nothing fundamental or real for us. The only thing it brings into life is heartache, pain, and grief. When we rid our lives of its influences, there is room for real, meaningful happiness to take its place.

 

This point is powerfully illustrated in the experiences of one of our Fortifiers:

 

For the 10 years of my addiction, I didn’t pursue my dreams. I didn’t discover my hobbies. For 10 years I played video games, watched tv, and watched porn. That was pretty much my life. Yes, I went out with friends and did social things, but when no one was around, that’s all I did. Now that porn is out of my life, I can pursue my dreams again. Before porn, I used to love writing. I abandoned writing for the high that pornography provided. With my extra time, I’m beginning to write again. I’m reading a lot too. Reading helps me grow and develop into a better a person. Reading and writing are helping me live the life I want to live.

For years I was only attracted to women physically. I don’t consider that to be true attraction. Now that porn is out of my life, I’m starting to be truly attracted to women again. Not just attracted to them physically, but also attracted to them emotionally and intellectually. I can finally be attracted to woman because of who she is, not just because of what she looks like.

Porn no longer has any control over me. Porn no longer has any place in my life. For 10 years I was addicted. Those 10 years of my life were wasted. Those 10 years of my life vanished before my eyes. I thought I’d never get out, but [now], I’m free. I’m finally free from porn. And I’m NEVER going back. -B.

Contrary to what we often tell ourselves, we can’t afford not to quit watching porn. In reality, the harmful effects of porn far outweigh any momentary relief that only makes things worse.

So next time that voices to your head saying, “What else makes you feel this good?!” You can answer, “Peace. Freedom. Relationships. True intimacy.” Life really is better without porn.

 

 

 

 

Note: "Relationships, too, are affected by porn use, which makes sense. Too much stimulation can interfere with what scientists call pair-bonding, or falling in love. When scientists jacked up pair-bonding animals on amphetamine, the naturally monogamous animals no longer formed a preference for one partner.[30] The artificial stimulation hijacks their bonding machinery, leaving them just like regular (promiscuous) mammals – in which the brain circuits