Brain on Porn (Social #1) - DeYtH Banger (uplifting book club books .txt) 📗

create barriers and protections we might not otherwise have.

As one author said, “cut out anything within your control that causes you to stumble. Don’t compromise on the small things. Many continue to [struggle] because they refuse to adopt a take-no-prisoners approach.” Take drastic measures to achieve your goals. Be bold. Don’t sacrifice what you want most for what you want now.

Let’s do this.  It’s time to make your home environment work for you—rather than the other way around.

 

 

 

Building Your Porn-Free Future, One Day At A Time

 

For many Fortifiers, it can feel like they’ve been on this journey to freedom for an incredibly long time, with no light at the end of the tunnel. Some people think that this will always be the case—that you’ll always struggle with pornography. Do you believe that? We don’t! With a smart, focused effort, you can get to a place where you no longer struggle and eventually feel completely free from your addiction.

The Future Is Promising

 

Amazingly, the brain is capable of healing itself and erasing those years of damage, thanks to a fascinating characteristic called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity (“neuro” meaning brain, and “plasticity” meaning changeability) refers to your brain’s ability to change with each thing you do. Like a never ending game of Tetris, the brain is constantly putting down new layers and pathways based on the choices we make. Over a long period of time, for instance, pornography use can start to literally rewire the brain, making it more and more difficult for any one of us resist using. But the opposite is also true! As we begin to live differently, we forge new pathways in the brain. As we leave negative habits behind, these old pathways get grown over like a boring hiking trail no one uses anymore.

 

Related: How To Change Your Brain

 

If the actual physiological patterns in our brain can change, what does that mean about other patterns in our behavior, thoughts, and even our desires? You got it—they can also change and evolve over time. Although you may still have more vulnerability to pornography than someone else, over time, the weight of a destructive habit can eventually get lighter and lighter to the point where you don’t even feel its presence in your life.

 

How To Get Started

 

If you’re serious about pursuing this deeper level of change and freedom, then it’s time to take this to the next level of the fight. What exactly do we mean? Rather than hacking at the branches of this problem, let’s dive deeper, getting at the roots of your challenge in a way that will help you move out of this trap for good.

Think about the last time you were in a dark room. If you wanted that to change, what did you do? Did you try “turning off” the darkness? No, of course not.

 

Obviously, it makes no sense to attempt to make physical darkness go away by shutting it off—and yet we often assume this will work with emotional and mental darkness. Rather than trying to “turn off” the darkness in a room, the answer is turning on a light. In the laws of the universe, light governs darkness—once light comes, darkness has to leave. You see, darkness cannot exist where light is. In fact, darkness, by definition, is the absence of light.

 

Simply put, if we want to really get away from pornography or other unwanted sexual behaviors, we can’t focus all our energies on battling the “darkness” itself. We have to focus some energy, not only on turning away from porn, but also on turning toward something else. What if you started filling up your life with other things—activities and habits that begin to fulfill you—and start to form the life you always wanted to live? Could moving this direction actually mean the habit eventually has to leave—each step strangling and choking its power?

 

Take It Slow And Steady

 

You may not even feel like you can leave pornography behind forever quite yet. But how about dedicating some extra care to how well you sleep or what you eat? What about your level of exercise? Or improving the relationships in your life? Even if you can’t walk away from pornography yet, you can walk toward other changes in your life that can strengthen you. In a sense, every moment becomes a chance to move toward or away from this habit.

 

If you can begin to make these adjustments and you’re serious about them, your days of pornography use may be numbered because it can’t withstand a truly healthy, vibrant life. Pornography habits only survive in emotional darkness and emptiness. As you fill your life up with good stuff, the pornography habit doesn’t have a chance!

 

Related: What Sleep, Food, And Exercise Have To Do With Recovery

 

From uplifting books, music, movies, hobbies, and activities to more connection with friends and family and renewed spiritual practices, you have lots of options for positive and healthy ways to focus your time and energy. Filling your life with this kind of light will mean the darkness will have far less opportunity to bully you. Ultimately, this is about building a life that’s so good that pornography becomes a nuisance rather than a temptation.

Bottom line: rather than simply trying to resist pornography, creating healthy habits and embracing a life that is even better is the one of the real deeps secret to recovery and freedom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9 - Rabbit

 (Note: The first step should be from your side... I stopped watching porn... after my relapse... I used... abundance of the material and while it's on... I do 

 

 

 

 

something like 20-30... then break 5 minutes... then again and again and again and again

 

- That's the way an addiction can be stop....)

 

... Or let's say this was my case of stopping my addiction.

 

 

...

 

 

 

1. DON'T COUNT THE DAYS

2. DON'T THINK ABOUT PORN

3. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

4. IF YOU FEEL BORED... GO START SEARCHING EXTREME STUFF (COME ON... IF YOU ARE ON THE EDGE OF A 

 

50 Story Building

 

 

 

 

like this ... I doubt that somebody from you will start jerking off...)

 

5. Randomnize (Do random stuff..)

6. Reward yourself

7. Don't OVERTHINK

 

 

 

4 Choice Points: Learning to Escape the River of Porn Addiction

 

 

As the momentum of past experiences drags a person towards using again and again and again, it’s understandable that any of us can start to feel a bit hopeless. After months and years of being pulled into the cycle, it can feel like there’s no way out. No options, no way forward.

When you’re in the middle of the currents of a strong cycle, that feels true—especially when you’re not even aware of what’s happening. It’s one thing to be stuck in a strong river current; it’s entirely different to be lost in something you didn’t even recognize as a river!

But what if you did realize you’re in a cycle that’s leading you in circles? What if someone handed you a paddle and started showing you where you were going wrong—and how exactly to escape for good?

 

Escape Is Possible

 

Like a prison that seems impossible to escape, if you watch and listen carefully, there are places to chip away and finally break out of it. These moments of possible freedom can arise at different times and in moments that will surprise you. As you take advantage of these escape routes, you will find more and more opportunities to slip out of the tight hold of the addiction prison and walk free.

Victor Frankl, a renowned therapist and Holocaust survivor, once said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and our freedom.” This may sound strange at first, but read it once more—and think about what this means for you: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

 

If you’re like most people, it can be hard to find any spaces or options in our struggle.  Like being caught in a riptide, it can seem easier to just give up, and let the current take us for a ride. It’s no wonder we get discouraged!

 

Understanding Choice Points

 

 

Are you ready to get back on dry land? You’ll notice at least four choice points throughout the cycle that give us moment-by-moment opportunities to step out of the river’s momentum and move in another direction toward freedom. In a way, they act like branches or rocks along the river bank, giving us something to grab and stop the momentum that pulls us along.

Let’s walk through the points of the addiction cycle, and learn how you can use those choice points to escape the pull of this river.

 

Choice Point 1: Before You Rationalize

 

Imagine you’re feeling anxious, hungry, bored, tired, or sad, and you decide you want a distraction. So, you get on the Internet—not to search for porn, of course….just to browse. But then you start scanning for things that feel exciting and a thumbnail for a triggering Youtube video catches your eye.  A thought comes, Oh, it’s not a big deal, or, This doesn’t hurt anyone.

Depending on what happens in that moment, our discomfort can grow and get worse over time – or the opposite can happen. We can learn new, creative ways to work with discomfort in a way that softens and alleviates it over time.  

Will we choose to try and push away or escape from challenging feelings – trying to make ourselves feel good right now! OR, will we turn to other things that help us work through tough moments such as talking with friends, getting outside, reading something or finding some quiet time?

For the sake of this illustration, let’s pretend that the current pushes you past this first choice point, and you open that triggering Youtube video.

 

Choice Point 2: Before The Ritual Begins

 

At that moment, another choice point exists.  Of course, if you don’t see what’s going on and instead go along with it, more thoughts will pile on: You know, everyone’s into this. No one’s going to find out about this. This is going to be totally fine. This will be the last time!

But if you’re paying attention, this moment presents another possibility of freedom—another chance to step away from this all. If these thoughts and feelings were undeniable, natural urges, well then of course, there’s little sense in resisting. But what if they’re more like a programmed script that is being fed to you, a script you can notice and reject?  For now, just realize that you just discovered another moment of possible freedom – another place where you don’t have to be blindsided anymore. Another choice point: “Hmmm…that’s just a thought.  Just a feeling.  No thanks!”

 

Choice Point 3: Before Using

 

Right before using, there’s another choice point waiting for you. Many people struggling with pornography or other unwanted sexual behaviors report that in the moment right before using there is one last impulse to stop – a thought or feeling they have to push away to keep going: “Is this what I really want?”  As you begin to pay closer attention to the details of your experiences, you can pinpoint where you are in the momentum of this cycle and notice the choice points all along the way.

Watch those thoughts – as well as others that can come up too: Is this really what you want