How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) - DeYtH Banger (bts book recommendations TXT) 📗

is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate and infuriating. And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it's unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, "think of everything." Being chronically late is disrespectful of others. Supposedly forgetting to do what you've agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness. Who wants to be around that for long?

 

10. You drag your feet to frustrate others.

 

Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do. But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task. You won't even say when it will be — or even might be — done.

 

11. You make up stories, excuses and lies.

 

You're the master of avoidance of the straight answer. You'll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships. It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power. You'd rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

 

12. You constantly protect yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, left, dependent or simply human.

 

Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice. This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships. 

The good news is that people are not passive-aggressive by nature. And these behavior patterns can change with some insights, skills and relationship advice.

 

So, if you've realized a few uncomfortable things about yourself in the list above, what now? 

Get some relationship help!. We all come by our passive-aggressive "stuff" honestly. There's no blame here. If you read the list and saw yourself, you have two choices: recognize what's not working for you and change it, or continue to blow it off as other people's problems. Choose the first so you can feel more accepted, loved, wanted, appreciated and respected immediately. You cannot do it any younger!

 

 

Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone?

 

 

 

Learning to be alone with oneself is surely an art. We are socially and culturally encouraged to be "with"... not alone. Having many friends, being social, connecting with community, and being part of the village are common promotions. Splendid advice, but what about that special, sacred, unfettered time you need to just be with you? Why is that such a scary landscape? In psychotherapy, therapists hear the words repeated, "I don't want to be alone, I am afraid."

 

"We are meant to be in relationships with other people, but, just as surely, we are meant to partake of aloneness. To deny this part of our existence is a little like trying to walk the earth on one foot instead of two." Florence Falk

So how can aloneness be a rare gift and a cushy benefit to you? It can be your time to reflect on you and embrace self-understanding, self-expression, and personal growth. 

In such a fast paced society we're on the go! There's never enough time to get things done and someone always needs something from you. How rare it is when you actually have that time for you. Some have the time, but run from it by numbing it with drugs or alcohol, watching television, reading fiction, watching movies, shopping till dropping, staying on phones, computers, ipads and the like.

 

But, what if you used your time creatively to find and fuel the real you? What are your interests, passions, talents, wishes, desires, dreams and feelings? What if you made those things very, very important and listened to the deep inner being of you? The amazing you that was created for your own unique and special path, wants to talk to you. There is much to harvest in our own resources contained within. If only we listen.

 

Adult children of narcissistic parents often struggle with aloneness caused by mistrust of others. If you grew up with parents who continually betrayed your trust, a part of your healing is learning to trust yourself so you can trust others again. A significant part of the recovery model is to learn to be alone to work grief and acceptance and to rely on your own internal parent who will always be there for you. Growing a strong sense of self requires that time alone. It does not have to be a fearful time. It may be short spurts or longer extensions depending on the seasons of your life. Sometimes it takes practice and structuring this special interlude to overcome the fear.

 

People often worry about what others will think. Pouring from our pitchers of self-doubt we ask worrisome questions. If I am alone for a while, will I be viewed as a loner? If I don't date, will people think I am weird or anti-social? If I take time out from my family to work on me, will I be viewed as selfish or uncaring? Is there some stigma about being alone that keeps you from doing it? Thinking about the messages you give yourself while you are alone is a worthwhile project. Are you calling yourself a loser or are you telling yourself this is a special gift of lovefor you? How we view it, is what makes us feel good or bad about ourselves.

 

Because we live in a social society many can relate to the stigma of aloneness. Introverts struggle with their need for time alone to accomplish inner reflection as they sort and integrate new information and experience. Artists, writers, creators, are those who need time by themselves to find inspiration. What if your passion is piano or something similar that requires time alone to practice, create, express? I know people who just want to sit with their animals or ride their horses in complete solitude. Some love to hike... alone. The journey back to self in these quiet times can be our best therapy.

There's heightened focus today on relationships: how to have healthy ones, how to date, celebrity break-ups and hookups, contentious divorces and parenting conflicts.

 

There's massive professional advice flowing on how to do it all better. Does relationship with self therefore get the short shrift? There is a flaw if intimate connection with self does not get the same richness or urgent attention. The inner portrait of each person and their own creative spark and aliveness is often found in solitude. It can then can be energetically focused outward in important and loving relationships. It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. "Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you." David Whyte

 

 

 

 

 

So the legs are dirty... you can't see it... it's too expensive to them you to see it... it's cheap for them to

use photoshop and to clean all the dirty heaven. 

Nobody is really  saying that feet are clean

...

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 3)

Yes, The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse — And YOU Can Stop It

 

 

 

Does your partner shut you out completely when angry?

 

Research indicates that children would rather you yell at them than ignore them. When prisoners are punished, guards isolate them, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is — other than physical abuse.

Likewise, the silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do. It's a withdrawal of approval, and can generate much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.

You're giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they're invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response.

Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve punishment, deserve to have your "love" taken away.

Of course, what you are taking away is not loveat all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for approval-dependent people, it is a powerful form of control.

 

While it may seem to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment.

 

While your partner may scurry around in an attempt to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run.

What goes on inside you when your partner shuts down to you?

Do you tell yourself you must have done something wrong? Do you feel a sense of loneliness and heartache that feels unbearable? Do you feel alone and abandoned inside? Do you feel anxious and scared?

 

If you feel any of these, it is really because you are abandoning yourself and making your partner responsible for you. It is you doing this that is allowing the silent treatment to work to control you.

 

If you were taking loving care of yourself and taking 100 percent responsibility for your own feelings, here is what would be going on inside:

You would be telling yourself: "My partner is choosing to punish me rather than take responsibility for his or her feelings. Whatever I may or may not have done that he or she doesn't like, I am not responsible for how he or she is dealing with it, and I have no control over him or her".

You would be bringing love inside, letting yourself know that you are a good person and deserving of love.

You would get out of range of your partner's energy — take a walk, read a book, call a friend or something else to make yourself happy.

You would keep your own heart open and not harbor any anger or judgment toward your partner, so that when your partner decides to open again, there is no residue for you. You would not punish your partner for trying to punish you. You would just make sure that their punishment doesn't work for them.

You would embrace your loneliness and heartache with deep compassion for yourself, sitting with these feelings for a few minutes, and then releasing them to Spirit.

 

Eventually, when you are truly taking