How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) - DeYtH Banger (bts book recommendations TXT) 📗

their day! Without warning!

It’s understandable that you’re nervous about it, and it’s natural to want to compensate for that nervousness. But resist the urge to approach with some corny gimmick, as if you’re a salesman going door-to-door with his product. Women can sense bullshit from a mile away, so it’s not necessary to dream up complicated pick-up lines. Plus, anything of the kind will stress her out. Stressing women out is definitely not good game.

Before you approach her, ask yourself ‘How would I want to be approached by a stranger?’ Relax! Be normal. Pretend that you’re talking to an old acquaintance you haven’t seen in a while. Ask her if she recommends the wine she’s drinking. Ask her opinion on that hat the bartender is wearing, instead of hitting on her with aggressive compliments. This will create a natural rapport and make the conversation that much smoother and more pleasant.

 

Approach Women Who Have Time To Talk To You

 

Good timing is key to flirtation, so observe what she’s doing before you go leaping across the room to talk to her. Is she furiously texting someone? Is she walking to the bathroom hurriedly? Does she seem busy or harried? Is she having a profound conversation with somebody at the bar? In all these situations, you shouldn’t approach a stranger. Even if she’s smitten by you, she won’t be able to talk while her boss is emailing her about a work crisis. Only approach women who seem relaxed and at their leisure -- they’re the ones who’ll actually want to talk to you.

 

Keep It Low Stakes

 

It might seem like this is it. You’ve spotted a girl who’s a dead ringer for Jennifer Lawrence and you’re convinced this is your one shot at true love. But remember, that’s not the case! There will always be another day, another gorgeous woman across the room, another shot at true love. So don’t approach women as if it’s an all-or-nothing game. Remember, women are always evaluating the likelihood of a threat from strange men, so any intense come-ons are more creepy than they are flattering.

Don’t ask for her phone number right away -- women aren’t comfortable giving that much information to a stranger. Start small: ask her politely if you can buy her a drink and add, “If not, no worries.” Adding a disclaimer to what you’re saying lets her know that you’re not a serial-killer (always a good thing!). You might want to give her your phone number, instead of taking hers.

Another power move is the walk-away. You can tell her “Hey, you seem really cool. If you’d like a drink later, I’ll be by the bar” and walk off. This is perfect, because it leaves the ball in her court. Now she’s free to come find you, and you have established that you’re not going to be pushy or creepy about it at all. The less pushy you appear, the better she’ll feel about texting you later to hang out.

 

Come To Terms With Getting Rejected

 

Repeat this to yourself before you go over! Repeat it until you’ve internalized it. Rejection is like bread-and-butter. It’s not about you, it’s just that she’s not feeling it that particular day. You can’t succeed every time. Failing is good practice (even Steph Curry misses some shots!). So if she says No, don’t stress it. Don’t overthink it, and definitely don’t ask her why or push her to change her mind. That’s a surefire way to creep out a woman.

It’s important to keep in mind that women don’t always reject men directly. They may feel too uncomfortable to rap out a hard No the second you go over. But that doesn’t mean you should keep talking obliviously -- why would you want to talk to somebody you have to hold hostage? Be sensitive to any signal that she’s not interested. Read her nonverbal cues and body language -- is she crossing her arms or tapping her feet in impatience? If she’s replying with one-word answers, or is distracted and looking elsewhere, this is your cue to excuse yourself nicely and go get a drink.

If she says No outright, smile and say “Well, it was worth a shot. Have a great day!” That way she’ll be flattered, and leave with a positive opinion of the interaction. After all, making someone’s day is a pretty decent alternative to getting their number.

 

Respect Her Time

 

Okay, she’s actually interested -- that’s great! You’re hitting it off, and she’s enthusiastic, chatty and animated. But hold on: that doesn’t mean you should push it. She may not want to spend the entire night talking to you -- which is why you should be mindful of her circumstances.

For instance, if she’s with her friends on girls’ night, don’t monopolize her entire night. There will be plenty of chances to talk later. Give her your phone number and let her know you’d love to continue this. Respecting their time and space is the only real way to succeed with women. Good luck!

 

 

 

 

Note: Yeah it's juicy... but it is natural...!?

 

 

 

 

Are rape fantasies natural? If so, how many women are having them... and why?

 

In a culture where polyamory is part of the national vocabulary, sex parties are no longer shocking, and Rihanna is singing about S&M on the radio airwaves, it would seem that kink has finally gone mainstream.

Still, there are some things that are still taboo—at least until you peek into women's panties.

Psychological Science published the results of a study that explored men's and women's sexual response to various stimuli. By the conclusion of the study, it was determined that men's genital arousal occurred in response to a very limited number of sexual stimuli while, in contrast, women's genital arousal occurred in response to a much wider range of sexual stimuli, including imagery involving violence and non-consensual sex.

In other words, female subjects were turned on—at least in their nether regions—by depictions of rape. (Men, on the flipside, responded almost exclusively to the consensual scenarios.)

The word rape is garnering a lot of attention lately. More people are discussing what exactly constitutes a rape and more women are coming forward to share their (horrifying) stories of abuse. So while there can obviously be a huge disconnect between how horny a woman feels and how wet her naughty bits become, the results of this study nevertheless beg the question:

 

Are rape fantasies natural? If so, how many women are having them... and why?

 

According to YourTango Expert, sexologist and relationship coach Veronica Monet, rape fantasies are more common than you think… depending upon how you define rape.

"Some of the things we consider rape today were considered normal a couple hundred years ago," says Monet, making mention of hair-pulling cavemen and moving on to the bodice-ripping rape scenes romanticized in romance novels and movies today. "Some of this has been in the culture for a long time, and women have sort of absorbed that. Now, it's a common fantasy to want to be pushed up against the wall, and have a kiss forced upon you."

Moushumi Ghose, YourTango Expert, sex educator, and a licensed marriage and family therapist, agrees. "By nature," she says, "women seek to be protected and cared for and, in a sense, a rape fantasy is a desire not just to be dominated but also to be able to completely surrender."

But, Monet asks, where does one draw the line between a sexually aggressive male who knows exactly when and where a woman wants to be taken, and a male who perpetrates rape?

Monet herself has a unique perspective on the rape fantasy. She was raped twice and, later in life, engaged in rape fantasies with her husband. It may seem odd, but Monet is particularly eloquent when it comes to the stark differences between rape fantasy and an actual rape. 

When speaking about her own rape, the difference is clear.

"There’s nothing sexy about it," she says. As for the fantasies, "When you're engaging in a fantasy, you're running the entire show. You are 100 percent in control of every minute detail. It was very hot and exciting for me. My husband tied me to a chair, ripped my clothes off, forced me to suck his cock and fingered me. I had a huge orgasm."

Ghose adds, "Rape fantasies are not about violence. They are about relinquishing control, and being able to completely surrender."

 

So how does one approach a partner when they have a particularly unusual fantasy?

 

"If it's pushing their icky button," says Monet, "it would be really great for them to enlarge their vision of what's normal and what's OK. Help them do research online about your particular fetish or interest, so that they can see how common it is. This normalizes and humanizes it."

After that, if your partner is willing to explore this fantasy with you, what's most important is planning—in detail—every aspect of your fantasy as it will play out in the bedroom. Decide upon a safe word, such as "yellow" for "slow down" or "red" for "stop."

 

Make sure—especially if you're a survivor of rape or abuse—that no aspect of this fantasy will be triggering for you.

 

"The receiver needs to indicate what is OK and what is not OK," says Ghose. "Above all, communication is key. Telling your partner what you like, and what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, can make a rape fantasy enjoyable and worthwhile."

But what about those who insist that fantasies about non-consensual sex indicate an implicit approval of rape? 

"That view is absolutely incorrect," says Ghose. "Rape fantasies do not condone or allow violence. It has more to do with surrender, the ability to let oneself go completely in a safe and comfortable space. Arousal and climax are a delicate balance of anxiety and relaxation. Being preoccupied and fearful for your life does not stimulate anyone."

"It's certainly not true to me amongst the people I know," adds Monet. "I admire how expertly they (the S&M community) do boundaries. Draw up contracts and negotiate every detail of the relationship. They understand the difference between consensual and non-consensual."

At the conclusion of our chat, Monet lays it out simple: "Rape is doing something against somebody's will. One is consensual and one is not. The end."

 

 

Should You Take Her Back If She Dumped You?

 

 

 

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several.

 

The Question

Hi Dating Nerd,

I just got out of a year-long relationship. Or so I thought. My girlfriend dumped me a few weeks ago and broke my heart. Then she texted me late one night that she was thinking about things and starting to think she had made the wrong move. I got the sense that she was probably drunk, so I ignored it. But the next morning she followed up and for the next few days kept texting me, begging me to meet up and talk things over. I shouldn't be considering this, right? It's insane. But I can't stop thinking about it.

- On the Fence

 

The Answer

Hi Fence-Boy,

 

Oh boy. You’re really in deep, aren’t you? Reader, I say this because nobody escapes the tremendous embarrassment of getting back together with someone who dumped you. The indignity is enormous. Your mother will be concerned. Your co-workers, who watched you become progressively more unkempt as your awful relationship progressed, will look at you funny. Your buddies, after having endured many beery rants about how your ex didn’t appreciate how manly your manliness is, will give you truly Biblical amounts of crap for this. Even your dentist, if you tell your dentist, will pity you. Do you really want someone poking around in your mouth with a tiny steel hook, saying consoling things about your romantic life?

 

But you’re considering it anyway. You wrote the Dating Nerd. So you’re in love. Or, at least, you were in serious lust — the kind where every sober instinct in your body is instantly shattered by the very specific flutter of