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fuck off. But because I donā€™t want them saying my dad didnā€™t raise me well I tell them to come in. Iā€™m so annoyed I canā€™t even fake a smile.

ā€œYou look beautifulā€ my mom tells me. I just ignore her and I sit with my dad on our single sofa while they occupy the 3 and 2 seater sofas. They greet us and they donā€™t talk so my dad and I also stare at them.

ā€œWe decided to come back because we couldnā€™t talk the last timeā€. This woman is like the spokesperson or something. My mom is the one who left us, so she can do the talking.

ā€œZekhethelo is here, you can talk to her. Nonhle has nothing to say to me. She can talk to her daughterā€ my dad tells them. I wait for Nonhle to say something, instead of talking she starts crying. My God. She starts screaming saying some things I cannot hear. I just sit and wait for her to stop all the drama so they talk and leave. My dad excuses himself and he goes to the kitchen and I hear a lot clattering. Heā€™s cooking. I wait for Nonhle to stop crying and tell me what she wants from me. After some time she stops. Her mom asks me to bring some water for her but I just ignore her, Iā€™m just not in the mood for their stupid drama.

ā€œZekhethelo I made a mistakeā€¦ā€ hehehe a mistake? Leaving a child behind is a mistake? Cheating on your husband with his best friend is a mistake? If she calls all of that a mistake. Then what do we call spilling milk? I still donā€™t say anything. She continues talking and crying.

ā€œCan I say something?ā€ I finally talk and judging from what I can hear from the kitchen my dad has stopped chopping whatever. I wonder what heā€™s thinking.

ā€œI donā€™t know why you left with Joe. What made you leave me behind. But I forgave you a long time ago. You were gone for 20 years and I learnt to live without you. I needed you then but I donā€™t you need now. You can go back to wherever you went to 20 years ago. Iā€™m coolā€ Nonhle continues crying. This woman is going to annoy me. We sit in silence.

After some time my dad walks in with food and he serves me first with a huge smile on his face. My dad really thought Iā€™d choose Nonhle over him? Whatā€™s with this nonsense that a girl needs her mother most and a boy needs his father most? How many woman raise their kids alone and visa verse? There were times when I needed my mom and she wasnā€™t here my aunts, grandma and Momo our neighbour were here for me and my dad. We eat in silence. My dad is a great cook and he cooked my favourite chicken stew and pap.

ā€œWe came here because we wanted to apologise on behalf of your mother. She was wrong to leave you like that. We were also wrong to also disappear but we were ashamed of what she didā€ the old woman tells me.

ā€œI understand honestly I do. I forgave my mom a long time ago. And I also forgive you but I donā€™t want a relationship with any of youā€ I tell them honestly.

ā€œMuzi, please talk to herā€ my mom begs my dad.

ā€œI have nothing to sayā€ my dad tells her and she starts crying again.

Doesnā€™t she stop? I decide to take the plates to the kitchen to wash them. They are still sitting at the lounge when I finish washing the dishes. My dad is sitting on the sofa looking all relaxed. I honestly canā€™t believe my dad thought Iā€™ll be out the door when my mommy dearest decides to grace us with her presence. I look at the time itā€™s 2pm we need to go to the workshop. I tell them my dad and I need to be somewhere and they tell us that theyā€™ll wait. Even when I tell them weā€™ll be back late they insist. I tell my dad that he can stay behind but he doesnā€™t want to. If these cars werenā€™t in the garage the whole weekend then Iā€™d go there tomorrow but I canā€™t. So we leave them.

Today I had wealthy customers, Iā€™m under my favourite car Audi Q5 changing the tyre when I see people walking in.

ā€œYouā€™re a mechanic?ā€ comes the most annoying voice in the world. Sheā€™s asking the obvious clearly sheā€™s not waiting for an answer.

ā€œBaba what time is it?ā€ I ask my dad.

ā€œItā€™s 8pmā€ he replies.

ā€œI thought you guys left.ā€

ā€œI couldnā€™t believe it when Momo told me that youā€™re a car mechanicā€ she tells me still shocked. Momo is our neighbour sheā€™s been a good one helping my dad where she could with me. Sheā€™s the one who knew that my mom was having an affair with my dadā€™s best friend. Sheā€™s a teacher, she helped me with assignments and homework and studying. At some point I asked my dad to marry her. I canā€™t remember what he said.

ā€œArenā€™t you leaving?ā€ I ask her. She doesnā€™t say anything. I continue working the owner of this car will be here first thing tomorrow morning.

ā€œWeā€™re done for the dayā€ I tell my dad as soon as Iā€™m done changing the tyre.

We head home, they follow us back. I turn to look for answers from my dad and I can see that he is as confused as I am. When we get home they tell us that theyā€™ll sleep at Momoā€™s place. We decide to watch Uzalo my dadā€™s favourite soapie. He looks happy, Iā€™m glad, I hate it when he looks grumpy and tired I get worried. At 9pm we both head to our bedrooms. I take a quick shower and I head to bed, Iā€™m very tired but I canā€™t sleep. I have so much on my mind. I keep wondering why my mom cheated, why she left and why sheā€™s only coming back now. I forgave her a long time ago as soon as I realised sheā€™s not coming back.

                        *******

ā€œZekhethelo, can we talk?ā€ my dad comes into my room. Itā€™s 5 in the morning and judging by the way he looks, he didnā€™t sleep. I sit up and nod.

ā€œDonā€™t look so worriedā€ he tells me faking a smile. How could I not? But I pretend as if I didnā€™t see him faking a smile.

ā€œItā€™s about your mom. I think you should build a relationship with herā€ he tells me and goes mute. I think heā€™s waiting for me to say something but I have nothing to say right now. I kind of feel betrayed. What has the woman done to my dad, why the sudden change of heart? Wasnā€™t he happy I chose him? Iā€™m confused, but I donā€™t say anything to him. I talk a lot I always have something to say but right I choose to say nothing.

ā€œCan you do that?ā€ he asks me placing his hand on top of mine. I shake my head.

ā€œI know Iā€™ve been selfish, for the past 20 years I dreamt of her coming back and you not wanting anything to do with her. But now I think itā€™s not fair, you needed your mother and I canā€™t be the reason you didnā€™t build a relationship with her. If you want to leave with her then thatā€™s okay with meā€

Is my dad being serious? He really thinks I want a relationship with my mom? Iā€™m so mad right now did he really wake me up at 5am to talk about my mom. Iā€™m too mad to say anything so I just go back to sleep. I slept an hour back because Iā€™ve been busy at the workshop since yesterday at 7pm.

I wake up 3 hours later, I take a quick shower and eat breakfast. My dad is sitting at the lounge, I just ignore him Iā€™m too mad. I know Iā€™m not being fair. I wash the bowl after eating cornflakes and I leave I know he was waiting for me but I leave. Iā€™ll walk I need to clear my head. As soon as I close the gate. A familiar voice shouts

ā€œSurpriseā€ itā€™s Bonga my boyfriend. Iā€™m so happy to see him, I last saw him 2 months back. I didnā€™t realise how much I missed him until now.

ā€œNot here my dad will kill you when he sees you hereā€ I tell him smiling. At least weā€™ll walk together to the workshop and heā€™ā€™ll probably assist me if he has time.

ā€œAre you not happy to see me?ā€ he asks smiling.

ā€œOf course I amā€ I tell him and we walk to the workshop it usually takes me 30 minutes to walk there but with Bonga itā€™s going to take more than an hour. We walk and talk about everything. I didnā€™t tell him about my mom during our daily calls and chats. Bonga and I have known each other since I was 5 and weā€™ve been dating for 4 years. Heā€™s 7 years older, a UCT computer science graduate. He works and stays in Cape Town. We see each other every 2 months and we talk daily. I will tell him about my mom later, he knows she left 20 years ago.

After an hour we are at the workshop and some of my regular clients are here waiting. I greet them and I open the roller door. We get inside and I do all the administrative work before I can start working on the cars. I work the whole day with Bonga helping me, I decide to tell him about my mom. Like I expected heā€™s hurt I didnā€™t tell him sooner but he thinks my father is right I should try and build a relationship with my mom.

ā€œIā€™ve seen how this affected you remember Iā€™ve known you since you were littleā€ I shake my head. Itā€™s true weā€™ve known each other since we were little and his mom used to joke about us getting married someday.

ā€œI love you and I value your opinions but right now youā€™re talking shitā€ I tell him feeling betrayed. How dare he? I know Iā€™m being childish, but heā€™s my bf he should take my side not my momā€™s side. So I take out all my frustration on the car Iā€™m working on.

Chapter 2

I wipe beads of sweat from my forehead using my arm. Iā€™ve been working from 4am to 4pm for the past 2 weeks. Bonga left a week ago, itā€™s always sad seeing him leave but heā€™s coming back early January. Iā€™m under one of my favourite cars Audi Q5 when the atmosphere changes and we all know who that is. I continue fixing the car. Three pairs of expensive shoes walk towards me.

ā€œWhy havenā€™t you changed the chequeā€ the deep voice asks. The cheque. OMW I forgot to change the cheque things have been crazy for the past 4 weeks. My granddad being sick, Nonhle appearing out of the blue, my dad and Bonga telling me to forgive and forget (I still havenā€™t forgiven my dad) and Bonga visiting I havenā€™t had time to change the cheque.

ā€œI havenā€™t had timeā€ I reply. He pulls me out of the car using the stretcher. When I look up I see the most handsome guy ever. Even Maps Maponyana isnā€™t this handsome. I mustā€™ve been drooling over him.

ā€œClose that mouthā€ he commands. And I comply instantly.

ā€œYouā€™re here because I didnā€™t change the cheque?ā€ I ask him. He doesnā€™t say anything, instead heā€™s staring at me. It feels uncomfortable.

ā€œNoā€ he replies not expanding.

ā€œWhat do you want?ā€ I ask

ā€œYouā€ he replies. I let out a nervous chuckle. Heā€™s joking right? Why would he want me? Iā€™m way out of his league and I have a boyfriend I love very much thank you. I look back at him and heā€™s not laughing.

ā€œI have a bf and I donā€™t want youā€ I tell him. He says

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