She is the one by Asheslove (that summer book .TXT) 📗

Chapter 20

Flashback

DAD.

I opened my eyes when I felt warmth around me and heard worried and comforting sentences which were trying to console me. My dad was shaking my body vigorously trying to bring me back to reality from my nightmare. When he saw me opening my eyes, he enclasped me closer to his chest. 

I hugged him back tightly not wanting to go away from his warm comforting hold and cried loudly while his hands were rubbing my back and stroking my hairs gently to calm me. After few minutes my cries slow down and turned into muffels. 

'Dad, I want to get rid from these, please make them left me, I am tired' 'please' whimpering I mumbled in his chest.

'I know my child, I know' dad said softly, his voice heavy.

When my cries completely died down he pulled me away from him and wiped my tears away. 

'Please, dad, please' I sobbed looking in his eyes which held a lot of pain for me. He turned his head away for a second to compose himself and looked back at me. 

'OK, do you know why these were haunting and following you' he questioned politely. I shake my head sniffing in a no. 

'Because you are strong, you are brave and this fear, these nightmares of you knew this, they want to scare you and see here you are, completely afraid of them' 

'If you want to get rid from these, then you have to stop fearing them Elena’ he said childly trying to explain me like you do to a small weeping kid when I was 15.

'I can’t dad, I can’t, it’s hard. I too don’t want to face these but these are scary, very scary and very powerful’ I murmered, tears spilling from my eyes.

'I know El, I know these are scary and it’s hard for you to face them but you have to child. These are powerful but not more than you. You are the most strongest person in this world. you have to stop fearing them, fear is not my daughters thing. If these are powerful then you have to fight them to release yourself from their bounds’ he said cupping my face. 

‘I tried dad, I tried to fight them, I tried to face them, I tried to stay strong in front of them and you know that but still I can’t. I can’t forget what I did, my guilt, my regret won’t let me’ my broken voice rising slowly.

“Elena” my dad huffed and grabbed both my hands in his giving them a light squeeze. 

‘This time I want you to hear me out completely before you do anything, OK’ he said concentrating on each word. I turned my head looking away from him already knowing what he was going to say.

‘Elena, look at me’ he said making me turn my head back to him. ‘Remember one thing, fear comes to those who got scared of it or who are weak, who are cowards or’ he paused his hold on my hands tightened and voice turned a little stronger and confident but tone low and soft ‘or who did something wrong, you are not weak. You hear me, you are not weak and neither is my daughter a coward and what you did was not wrong’.

 ‘No, dad, no, don’t say that, please don’t say that’ I said moving my head in to and fro and pursed my lips, my anger and panic both rising in me.

‘You have to listen to me Elena, it's hard to see you in pain like this, every day blaming yourself for everything and suffering when you did nothing wrong. It’s been more than a year but you are still same or I say turning worst. You have to believe on me, believe on what I say otherwise you will never be able to came out from this phase, you have to threw this guilt away from your heart if you want to get rid from these, you have to accept that you did nothing wrong’. My hands started to struggle to release from my father’s hold but he kept saying 

‘You did nothing wrong my girl, it just happened. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. You are not responsible for his death, instead…’ Before my dad could finish I snatched my hands away from his grip and pushing him away from me I got up from the bed.

 ‘Stop saying that to me again and again, stop defending me. How many times I have told each one of you'. 'That was my fault, that. was. my. fault’ I screamed throwing the flower vase from the table shattering it on floor. 

‘Elena, stop, hear me out first completely dear’ Dad softly said, his voice panicking, knowing where this is going. 

‘No, dad, don’t. You know that, it was me who was responsible for everything, everything was my fault but everyone kept saying I hadn’t done anything wrong to comfort me. Why? What do you all think I don't understand the difference between right and wrong, killing someone or taking a life can never be justified dad' I shouted my lungs out throwing things in my room everywhere.

“El it's not like that, stop please, stop my girl” he said taking slow steps towards me to calm me.

'No, I killed him, it was me who killed him, and she was also almost dead because of me. It was me who done everything, it was me’ I shouted running towards the living room. 

“El, EL. Elena stop. Stop” Dad shouted from behind in panic following me. 

'It was me, I killed him brutally, I am a monster. I can’t forget what I did; I had his blood on my hands’ I screeched throwing the wooden chair away at the glass table in the living room, my dad tried to walk closer to me when my attention was not him but I got his glimpse from the corner of my eyes. 

‘Stop dad. Stop there. Don’t come any closer to me, stay away. I am a murderer’ I shouted thinking I might hurt him as my rage was out of control. 

‘No you are not a murderer, you are my daughter Elena so stop, stop please, otherwise you will hurt yourself again child’ my dad said helplessly knowing my violent behavior brings worst of me.

'I don’t care, I don’t care if I got hurt because that is what I deserve, I don’t deserve to live, and I will never forgive myself for taking someone’s life mercilessly’ I yelled and threw the lamp on the glass window. ‘I don’t deserve to live, I Don't’ I cried in frustration and anger. 

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