How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) - DeYtH Banger (bts book recommendations TXT) 📗

failures serve as stepping stones. You’ll learn from those mistakes in ways you aren’t even aware.

 

And as you keep pushing forward, your level of skill and understanding will keep rising.

Think of it like this.

 

It’s like you’re standing beside a tall building with no windows or doors on the first level.

The only entrance is a door on the second floor. But there’s no stairs. And in fact, there’s a deep hole in the ground right below the door.

There’s nothing around you but a huge pile of rocks.

So what do you do?

 

Well, you start tossing the rocks in the hole.

At first you can’t tell any difference. The rocks disappear into the abyss.

But eventually, the hole fills up and you start seeing the level of rocks rise. Soon, you’re able to climb up the rocks into the door.

In the same way, your efforts to improve your conversation skills are like the rocks. They fill in the hole, the lack of skills and confidence, that have dominated your life to this point.

So at first, it’ll be difficult to see much progress.

 

But as you keep moving forward, your improvement will become more and more noticeable. You’ll gain momentum and your successes will come even faster.

So remember to push through even though you get discouraged.

Everyone experiences this feeling of “I just can’t do it.” No matter what they’re trying to achieve in life.

The people who succeed are the ones who keep going despite their self-doubts.

 

In fact, here’s a relevant quote from Vernon Howard. It’s one of my favorites and it sits on my desk where I can see it every day.

It goes like this:

“Do not be impatient with your seemingly slow progress. Do not try to run faster than you presently can. If you are studying, reflecting and trying, you are making progress whether you are aware of it or not. A traveler walking the road in the darkness of night is still going forward. Someday, some way, everything will break open, like the natural unfolding of a rosebud.”

Don’t give up.

 

If you keep trying, you will eventually improve.

Because the only way to truly fail, is to quit.

 

 

Growing In A Relationship: 12 Things To Do While Dating Someone

 

 

 

I get asked frequently if I subscribe to or prescribe to traditional dating “rules”. You know, things like wait X number of days to call a guy back, don’t sleep with a man before X number of dates, never be the first to say “I love you,” and so on and so on.

Well, the simple answer is no.

Living a life with hard rules doesn’t allow flexibility. You need to know how to use and modify rules based on your personal beliefs and what will directly work for you.

On my own journey and along the journey of my clients and readers, I’ve learned some rules that never seem to fail anyone.

Below are the top things to do while dating someone.

Invest in yourself

Confidence is the key to attract great love into your life and in loving who you are. The more you invest in becoming a beautiful person inside and outside, the more confident you will become.

It’ll encourage you to not settle for anything less than you deserve. It’ll make you realize your real worth.

Always play yourself

If you invest in yourself, you won’t need to transform into another person. By being yourself, you won’t have to second guess if a man likes you for the person you really are or the person you have presented.

Stay present

To keep your sanity and dating future intact, live in the present. Remind yourself that real feelings take time to develop and relationships need room to blossom. Think of early dating as get-to-know-him time and not the time to decide if your date could be your future groom.

 

Trust your instincts

 

 

Living life can put you in all sorts of wonderful situations but it can also present you with some questionable ones, too. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.

Don’t force yourself to learn lessons that don’t need to be learned. Trust your gut.

Open your mind

Don’t be quick to judge and date outside of your comfort zone. There is no wrong place to find Mr. Right and there’s no wrong timing. Don’t let the idea of being married by 30 or dating someone within your line of work or social status stop you from meeting other people.

Be open for business

From having an approachable attitude and demeanor to dressing for dating success, allow yourself to say “yes” to the possibility of love at all times. Be prepared emotionally and physically to take and give applications anytime, anywhere.

 

Leave your house

 

No one ever found their love by staying cooped up in an apartment, reading magazines and eating Chinese takeout 7 days a week. Get out there and connect with the vibrant world. Give in and watch what you will receive in return. You’ll be surprised by the opportunities you’ll find.

Spend time in your treehouse

No matter how much fun you are having dating or how in love you are, you need time to yourself. You need time to reflect, recharge, and reconnect with yourself.

And if you are in a relationship, your man needs the same. Honor your individuality by gifting yourself some time apart.

 

Take the high road

 

Dating offers a myriad of options and choices where we can take the high road or the low road.

For example, what happens when a boyfriend breaks your heart? Do you play the revenge card?

Although it might be momentarily satisfying, in the end, you’ll feel worse for sinking to his level. By taking the high road, you’ll be proud of the woman in the mirror that you rise and shine to everyday.

Grow from your experiences

Every adventure in dating is a moment to learn from, so don’t hinder yourself from growing from your experiences. Don’t waste your time and energy.

Wear color

Despite our natural inclination to go for that black ensemble, men are more attracted to color. Opt for jewel tones which look great on every skin tone, make your eyes pop and send a message that you are fun and confident. These can set you apart from the sea of women donning boring black.

 

Believe in love

 

 

No matter how many unfavorable experiences you have, don’t lose faith in the beauty of love. Remember, those who believe in love are instantly more lovable. This is something you can’t miss in the list of things to do while dating someone.

 

 

 

 How to Use “Emotional Hot Buttons” to Be Interesting And Bond

 

 

 

Do you sometimes struggle to have meaningful conversations?

Like, you get stuck in chit chat mode and just talk those trivial topics to death.

To the point where things start to feel stale…and maybe you’re looking for an exit.

(And you worry they are too.)

Don’t you wish you could make the vibe more exciting? More interesting? So maybe things could move to a deeper level with this person?

Well, a great way amp up interactions and bond with someone new is to introduce emotion into the conversation.

And a slick way to do that is noticing and commenting on “emotional hot buttons.” But you have to be observant to make use of them.

So in today’s article, I’ll give you an example of this technique in action.

Then I’ll explain how you can use it.

 

A Bond Forged in the Men’s Bathroom

You may or may not know I DJ. Mostly weddings with the occasional club thrown in here and there.

Well, at one wedding, I had an “issue” with the brother of the groom.

He kept badgering me to play some hard-core rap music for his brother.

The thing is, the bride’s family was very conservative and asked me to keep it clean. Needless to say, the groom’s brother wasn’t happy.

After the gig was over, I went to the men’s bathroom. And who should be there but the groom’s brother…

“You!”

He said it like I was his life-long nemesis. (Wheaton!!!)

Well, fortunately he understood why I couldn’t play his song requests. So we began talking about where we were from.

When I asked him, this was his response:

“Well, I’m out in Houston because I’ve been working so much there it’s crazy. But I’m really trying to get back here.”

At that point he turned the conversation back to me, but I could tell there was something more there…

There was slight pain in his eyes. He sort of shuffled his feet and diverted eye contact when he had mentioned it.

Plus, there’s just a story in there somewhere isn’t there?

I mean, why was he working so hard?

Why was he really trying to get back here?

 

What had happened?

 

So after talking a bit more, I casually asked:

“You mentioned you’re out in Houston, but you want to be back here. What are you doing in Houston?”

That opened the flood gates.

He began describing how he did construction work and all his business was in Houston. But his wife and young son were in Baton Rouge.

Of course he wanted to be with them, but he needed to pay the bills. Working with his hands was all he knew and he wasn’t sure he could do anything else.

From there we talked about all kinds of things:

What’s necessary to do in life sometimes What’s really important in life Even our future dreams and goals

We really connected on some core values, and it all happened in about 15 minutes. (And yes we DID eventually move out of the men’s bathroom…)

 

How To Notice and Use Emotional Hot Buttons

 

Life can be so repetitive and well, boring sometimes.

We get into our daily routines and the only emotion we experience is by watching TV or reading a book.

In addition, because so many people lack strong relationships, they don’t often discuss the emotions dominating their thoughts.

So when you give someone the opportunity to discuss something bothering them or that they’re excited about, you stand out.

You’re linked to the relief and/or joy they feel on releasing that emotion.

Now, it can sometimes be awkward to be “too emotional too soon,” but this is different. It’s different because it’s something they bring up.

The brother of the groom answered my question in the way he did because deep down, he wanted me to dig deeper.

He wanted to talk about it.

He may not have done this consciously, but emotions have a way of slipping out like that.

So how do you know?

How can you notice an emotional hot button when it surfaces and use it to have awesome conversations?

Well, my personality type lends me a gift of empathy. I usually have an intuition of when people are revealing subtle emotional clues.

But if you’re not naturally empathetic, here are some signs that might clue you in on their emotional hot buttons:

 

There seems to be more of a “story” behind something they say They seem more excited or agitated They mention the same subject several times They have a slight change in tone of voice They switch their eye contact to look away from you OR to look right at you They start fidgeting by shuffling feet or wringing hands They start talking faster OR slower than before They start gesturing more with their hands

 

Hot Buttons Are Not Always So Obvious

 

The thing is, you may hear the term “hot buttons” and think the cues would be obvious.

Not necessarily.

It can be hard to spot.

So one way to start practicing your empathy is to observe your current friends and family. You know these people and what they’re passionate about. So bring up their passion and notice the subtle ways their communication changes.

This will help you subconsciously notice “hot button” cues AND give you practice being more empathetic.

Once you notice a possible hot button, you simply probe lightly. Ask them a question about it and see what happens.

In the end, we’re all yearning to feel something…

 

Whether that’s joy or excitement or the relief of knowing someone else understands.

By being more aware of the emotional hot buttons from people you meet, you can be that emotional outlet for them.

And you can bet that will make you stand out and seem more interesting in their eyes.

 

 

7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

 

 

 

 

Anybody who has dated and experienced being in a relationship will know how complex the process can get. The longer you continue to see each other,