How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) - DeYtH Banger (bts book recommendations TXT) 📗

I discovered my first erotic fanfiction; by the time I was 13, I had a massive folder some 30 titles strong, and was working on another one for erotic fan comics. I’d become an expert at sniffing out fan communities where the main focus was on exactly how each cast member’s orgasm face would look like. I would take it to school to read during recess, where eventually a circle of other horny weebs bloomed. We traded printed copies of our favorites like they were X-rated baseball cards. I recall one event when one of my guy friends borrowed my porn folder for the weekend, came back Monday morning, and announced to the group he was now gay.

 

Teachers never noticed or bothered us because, honestly, would you expect an illicit anime erotica club at your local middle school? Especially one composed of all “the good kids”? But if they did, they couldn’t have taken it much worse than my own family.

I was already the weird kid growing up: Black goth, metalhead, who much preferred reading to being social with other kids. It took a long time for my parents to figure out that they could now add “spends an inordinate amount of time trolling for cartoon porn” to the list. They knew I was a total weeaboo and certainly weren’t happy about it, but they had no idea about the fictiophilia until I was in middle school. After that, it unfortunately became open season on all of my hobbies. Enough was enough — I was going to become normal or else.

I was no longer allowed to take comic books home from the library; my computer time was monitored. Things got to the point where I was barred from watching certain channels after school in order to keep me from watching anime at home. One day, I woke up and my erotica folder was missing. When confronted, my mother informed me that it was in the dumpster and she would be happy to get the belt if I had anything more to say about it. After certain members of extended family found out, I routinely found myself literally cornered and interrogated/mocked for my hobbies as they listed all the reasons I was wrong for having them. (Why yes, they were emotionally abusive even before this. Why do you ask?)

 

As an adult, I’m now able to understand some of my mother’s behavior as thinking she was doing what’s best. Her methods were abusive and messed me up emotionally for years to come, but I know she was genuinely concerned that I’d end up a failure if she didn’t put a stop to me being so darn different. She was a woman who firmly believed that only bad things happen to those who stick out from the herd.

 

I’m glad to say that, regardless of her reasons, she failed. The porn folder was eventually restored to twice its original size, and I found ever more comics and anime to read from both sides of the Pacific. Fast-forward through high school and adulthood, and I’m not so into specific cartoon characters as I used to be. It still happens from time to time, but my main interests are now flesh-and-blood young men. But I’m far from “cured”.

 

As it turned out, a surprising number of my favorite new webcomic artists also dabble in erotica. It was even more surprising when reading just a few of these did more for my masturbation habits than over a year’s worth of watching live porn while trying to ignore how unattractive the actors were. I still go to Hiveworks and Slipshine for my porn needs over RedTube or XHamster. And, in a world of waifus, body pillows, otome games, hentai, and literal songs dedicated to all of the above, I think it’s safe to say that I’m still not alone.

 

 

 

How To Talk So People Listen To You

 

 

 

 

Do you often feel ignored when you say something?

Maybe you speak up in a group but no one pays attention. Then someone interrupts over you and instantly has the spotlight.

Or it seems everyone is always speaking over each other; their ideas get noticed but when you try…nothing.

Plenty of my readers have mentioned this problem. And in the TED talk titled “How to Speak So People Want to Listen,” Julian Treasure gives great tips to stop being ignored. Julian is an expert on sound and speech so he’s someone to listen to in this area.

 

I’ve included the talk below and summarized his main points. But I’ve also included insights of my own on ways to be heard and respected in more casual settings.

 

 

4 Top Tips to Get People Listening To You

So I agree with everything Julian Treasure said in his talk and I’ve included his main points below.

But from my experience, here are a few pointers on being heard and respected more relevant to everyday casual chat.

 

1. Increase Your Eye Contact

 

Good eye contact engages others. Think about that tingle you feel when you make eye contact with someone. Others feel that too. That’s human connection. You’re sensing the presence of another human being. When you don’t make regular eye contact, others don’t feel that “tingle” from you. In my experience, this is a major reason people get ignored.

 

2. Raise Your Level of Confidence

 

If you feel deep down what you have to say isn’t interesting or important, that will change how you interact with others. It affects your voice tone and volume. Your face gives off “micro-expressions” you can’t control, but others subconsciously notice. All in all, this causes people to discount what you say as unimportant. In other words, when YOU believe you’ll say boring stuff, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you want help on becoming more confident, sign up for my newsletter here.

 

3. Improve Your Voice Tone And Volume

 

Your vocal qualities are greatly influenced by your confidence and level of shyness. But you can work to improve them individually. So a lot of what Treasure said in his talk is useful for that. I’ve found having more volume and a slower pace (but not drawl-ish) are the most important qualities to focus on first. Because others often stereotype speaking quietly and quickly as low-value cues.

 

4. Be Mindful The Expectation Of Others

 

If you’ve long been the quiet person in a certain group, it’s likely they’ve gotten into a habit of ignoring you. So even if you start being more assertive, they might still pay you little attention. If this is the case, I often advise people to try branching out into other groups and being assertive there. The new group often responds better from the start. Then, the confidence this builds often work wonders when you come back to that original group later.

Julian Treasure’s Main Points To Speak And Be Heard

So Treasure focuses more on speaking for special occasions like a job interview or a wedding speech. But his ideas can still help us in any social situation.

Here are some of his main points from the talk.

 

7 Deadly Sins Of Speaking

 

Gossip – Speaking ill of someone who’s not present. People disregard gossipers because they worry later, they’ll be gossiping about them. Judging – It’s hard to listen to someone if you know you’re being judged and found wanting. Negativity – We all have our bad days but no one will keep listening to constant cynicism. Complaining – This is another form of negativity and again, constantly complaining just pushes others away. Excuses – People don’t respect those who won’t take responsibility for their own lives. Exaggeration – Too many tall tales can cause others to roll their eyes and tune you out. Dogmatism – When someone insists their ideas are the only way things can be, that kills debate AND the patience of others.

 

4 Cornerstones of Powerful Speech

 

Use the acronym HAIL:

H for Honesty – Not necessarily absolute honesty as in “You look horrible today dear.” But honesty tempered by love (below). A for Authenticity – “Standing in your own truth.” I for Integrity – Be your word. Do what you say and live up to your own ideals. L for Love – Not romantic love, but simply wishing people well.

 

Spice Up Your Vocals

 

It’s not just what you say but how you say it.

Register – People associate vocal depth with power and authority. Try speaking “from your chest.” Timber – The way your voice “feels.” Warm like hot chocolate is good. Prosody – Don’t be monotone. Have some variation in your tone of voice. Pace – Not too fast and not too slow. But DO change pace at times. Silence – There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence. Pepper it in to keep people engaged. Pitch – Put emphasis on important words and points. Volume – You need to be loud enough but also try being quiet to bring people in.

All great points but as I mentioned above, one of the best ways to stop being ignored is to build genuine confidence. Because it prompts others to respect you even if you aren’t super successful, attractive or charming

 

 

 

5 Rough Ways We Refer to Sex, with Kinder, Gentler, Sometimes Ridiculous Replacement Options

 

 

 

 

 

Note: And the stories goes like
...

She knew what next was going to happen...
...

I was predictable... so it didn't went as far as I saw it... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You'll never look at a ball of yarn the same way again.

 

 

If there are two things in this world that I love and cherish, they’re sex and language. For whatever reason, so many of the little phrases we use to describe sex are overly aggressive and violent in nature. OK, the reason is probably patriarchal in nature if we do all the math on that and show our work. And as consenting adult humans with partners who are also consenting and adult humans, you may very well enjoy sex of the overly aggressive and even violent variety, which is your prerogative.

But do we have to call it one of the same names we’ve heard forever? Even if you’re not bothered by an etymological history of violence, how about some variety? I’m not interested in policing your particular sexytimes — I want you to have a ball! Or balls, even. Baller status, if you will.

I’m just tired of hearing the same old ways in which we’ve conversationally conflated sex and violence being dropped into so many conversations all willy-nilly. There are hundreds upon hundreds of euphemisms for sex, dating back many centuries, and yet the main ones that have survived and thrive in common contemporary parlance are violent in nature.

They also perpetuate a narrow and archaic view of sex as always being intercourse between a man and a woman. Fam, I know there are many ways in which we can do the deed, and that people exist on a wide spectrum of sexuality and gender. And that is glorious. This list is not about purity or chastity, but rather having a good time and being able to describe it without including an implicit threat.

 

1. Bang

 

The use of the word bang in a vulgar sexual manner is so popular that it’s been added as a line item in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary definition. Some would argue that vigorous sexual intercourse that involves a penis or is otherwise penetrative by a device could aptly be described as “banging,” and — ahem — might even produce that sound. Onomatopoeia aside, it’s just overused, juvenile, and played out.

 

“Shag” as a way to reference sex dates back to the 1700s, although specific etymological origin is unknown. The word has always been way more popular in Britain than in the U.S., but it’s been a favorite of mine since way before the second Austin Powers movie used it in its title. Maybe it’s the Anglophile in me, but I adore the straightforward cuteness of saying, “Fancy a shag?” or “I could go for a shag.” Bonus points for prefacing your shag with a hearty snog.

 

 

2. Screw/Nail

 

Hardware store proprietors and construction enthusiasts probably don’t even use these words with as much frequency as an enthusiastic frat boy using limited vocabulary to describe a sexual conquest. Interestingly enough, though I’ve combined them here, screw and nail are not as identical in meaning as they are in overuse and unnecessary Tool Time with Tim Taylor imagery.

 

A cunning linguist at the English Language & Usage Stack Exchange notes that, "Interestingly, both ‘nail’ and ‘screw’ can refer