How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3) - DeYtH Banger (bts book recommendations TXT) 📗

most important tip to remember is this: The night IS NOT about trying to get people to like you or making friends. If those things happen then fine. That’s just icing on the cake. But again, it’s not what you’re trying to achieve. Because having that mindset will make you more anxious and needy.

 

No, your goal is just to practice being more social by commenting on costumes and perhaps seeing how long you can keep the interaction going. That’s it, that’s all.

 

Don’t get me wrong…your anxiety will still be there. But the barriers to connecting in the bar setting will be much lower than normal. It’s just too good a practice opportunity to miss.

 

 

What A Man TRULY Sees When You're Completely Naked

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not at all what we expected!

 

Women in a state of undress tend to think about their "wobbly bits" as Bridget Jones once called them back in the day. This probably includes one or more of the "trouble area trifecta" spots: stomach, thighs or butt.

Men, on the other hand, skip the wobbles and let their gazes go almost immediately to their favorite parts, whether a woman's clothed or well ... naked. 

 

Truth Merchants' "Ask A Guy" contributor, "Preston Swagger", gives us the down low on what men really think when they see you naked and interestingly enough, where he looks first tells you a lot about his favorite body parts:

Ladies if you want an idea of what the guy who’s checking you out is into — follow his eyes.

If we size you up from toe to head we’re mostly likely a feet, legs, or ass man. If we go from head to toe we’re probably more into eyes, lips/smile, breasts.

Not saying that the total package isn’t important — because of course it is — but our eyes float to what we like best, first. 

 

The mental picture we take of you naked is stored in the long term memory bank and can be called upon for daydreams for up to years afterward. In fact, the only thing stored in this area of our brain is mental pictures of you naked and mental pictures of us while doing the hibbity-dibbity.

 

There’s no room in this area of the brain for anything else like your flaws or imperfections. 

 

So we see you, no matter where or when we see you, and we think you look fine as hell! 

But here's the best part... 

We begin to talk a little. THEN you ... say IT. IT is something that is exactly what that particular guy wanted to hear:

Yeah, I love to cook
I LOVE watching football
I’ve been called a nympho, but I don’t think it’s true.
I used to be a gymnast

 

Well hello there…

 

Remember that movie - There’s Something About Mary — where Matt Dillon sets Cameron Diaz up with perfection? He opens his car door and the blueprints come out and she’s like, “oh you’re an architect”...and then he asks for quarter because all he has are Nepalize coins and she’s like, “oh you’ve been to Nepal?”.

 

Everybody hopes to find their dream guy or perfect girl. In reality we know there is no such thing. But there’s a brief time when you might just be perfect.

 

And whether or not you're perfect for him has nothing to do with what you look like without your clothes on. We love you naked no matter what.  

Whether he's a toe-to-head or head-to-toe kind of guy, what's certain is that he's taking mental snapshots to revisit at a later date, he think's you're beautiful, but the best part? It's what comes out of your mouth that makes him fall in love. Sound familiar, ladies? Yeah. Exactly.  

 

 

 

 

 

What A Sexual Assault Survivor Thinks About Women’s ‘Rape’ Fantasies

 

 

 

We can talk about both, but there's a time and place.

 

You could hear a pin drop in the room. With all eyes on me, the intensity of the moment could be cut with a knife.

I had been invited by a state university to be a keynote speaker about sex trafficking from the perspective of a survivor of family trafficking.

Most people there had never met an actual sexual assault survivor — at least, not that they were aware of. I could tell from the hushed tones that they were curious about many things having to do with the overriding topic of rape.

I was called to the podium to give my story.

For twenty minutes, no one said a word as they listened. My hands trembled and my voice quaked, but with resolve to shed light on a problem facing more than 20.9 million human trafficking victims in the world — 79 percent for whom the trafficking is sexual in nature — I continued on and shared my painful story.

This wasn't my first time opening up about the sexual abuse I've endured, but I was still new to the experience of discussing it in public.

The first time I had spoken out publicly was shortly after I realized I was more than a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

 

 

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I had interviewed a sex trafficking survivor leaderfor a radio show several months before, and as she shared her story, memories I had as a child that once confused me started to make sense. With her help, I realized what I experienced was not only sexual abuse but a form of human trafficking.

She and other survivors had begun sharing their stories in public in order to bring greater awareness of the issue. I started sharing mine, too. Sharing her story brought her national attention. Sharing mine brought me a unique awareness of human nature — that the moment people hear someone start talking about something they've never experienced, especially if it involves sex, curiosity follows. 

I'm well aware that it's human nature to be curious, especially about taboo sex.

 

But I didn't expect to trigger sexual arousal in others when talking about my experience.

 

And I was well aware I could become exploited in some new way, so I knew better than to share precise details of what had happened. I had observed how other sexual abuse survivors were asked questions that felt violating during interviews, leaving them triggered for weeks. I had also witnessed opportunists try to make money by pushing survivors to share their stories rather than asking them to help in other ways for the sake of the cause.

I wanted to promote awareness. I wanted people to know this DID happen, so that others, specifically victims still in silence, could be helped. Maybe there was another survivor in the audience, who, like me, didn't understand the confusion of their memories, and then suddenly realized my story was their story, too.

It's not uncommon for sex trafficking survivors and sexual abuse survivors to go without telling a single soul until one day find themselves in a situation in which they can open up free from judgment to another person who has experienced the same pain.

A key reason I tell others my story is that some survivors get stuck in their own doubts about their personal experience. It's too frightening for them to believe, and too real for them to accept. For those who have never experienced any form of sexual abuse, it is crucial to understand that when you hear survivors share their story, you help by making their experiences tangible. 

 

But I didn't expect the questions I was asked after I shared my story — by women.

 

Questions like:

"What were you wearing?" "How many times a day did it happen?" "What positions did you use?" "Did you ever like it?"

 

Of course, these questions revealed more about the people asking them than about the serious problem I came to discuss.

I learned that many women fantasize about being raped, but they don't know how to talk about these fantasies in healthy ways because they are told their fantasies are "wrong." So when they meet someone who has experienced the closest thing they've heard to their own secret fantasy, they are wildly curious.

We all have fantasies. Some women fantasize about a big house or a making it to the top of a career. Other women fantasize about having a giant walk-in closet with unlimited shoe space or being the first woman to walk on Mars.

Fantasies are pulled from the things around us and driven by what we need to feel and fulfill inside of us. As a woman, I understand wanting to feel like a man desires me so much that he is consumed by his love, and I believe that this desire is at the core of most rape fantasies, and why women may want to role play it with their lover.

But there's a right time, place, and person to ask questions what it's like to experience that. 

 

Being raped and having a rape fantasy are not the same thing.

 

Your kinky sex life is safe — it's something that brings you and your man together. A little role play adds spice to the bedroom, no question.

There's nothing wrong with being as kinky as you or as you are not as long as consenting adults are involved.

You've always wanted to have your lover so consumed by his passion for you, that he can't control himself. Without asking your permission — since you have expressly told him this is your fantasy and given him permission to initiate it at will — he grabs you, pulls you close, and you ALLOW him to overpower you with his manhood. You want it. You need it.

I get it.

And there's a difference.

Role play fulfills your sexual wants and desires, which are totally normal and completely OK.The problem is that when you don't know how to discuss this fantasy safely with others, you may explore your fantasy outside of the bedroom in an unhealthy way.

 

When you try to explore it in uninvited conversation with rape survivors, you complicate the entire discussion of rape, the objectification of women, and rape culture.

 

 

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Not knowing how to talk about sexual fantasies in a healthy way can inadvertently undermine the deep need we all have to feel safe — and to be believed when rape does happen. 

Sexual fantasies are normal. If they weren't, there'd be no 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon to support the theory that many women are interested in power-exchange role play. 

 

We need a safe space in our society for open, non-judgmental dialogue about the sexual power play between equal, consenting adults.

 

Perhaps there should be a new word for the type of forceful play that men and women want in the bedroom other than "rape." More constructive sexual conversations would help both men and women release their fears of being judged for wanting — and LOVING — kinky, healthy, safe, sane and consensual sex.  

But please, don't ask me or any other rape survivor questions about our real life pain when what you are looking for are ideas about making it "real" in the privacy of your own bedroom. 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 1)

 How To Successfully Approach A Beautiful Woman

 

 

 

Building up the confidence to talk to a beautiful stranger at the bar is something that’s oft-discussed and analyzed. There are a million manuals, books, articles and YouTube channels on how to do it. The thing that’s wrong with all of them? They make it too hard. Seriously. Getting phone numbers from beautiful women is not the same as Sudoku: don’t make an elaborate game of it! Here, we discuss some ways to go about approaching women that are simple and effective -- but they’ll transform the way you think of the process.

 

Be Chill

 

Here’s the thing. Approaching strangers is the least chill thing in the entire universe, because you’re interrupting someone as they go about